A:
The most important factor in this situation is the age of your children. It is not necessary, or even psychologically healthy, for your children to have a lot of information about your life outside of the family as a single mother dating. You certainly do not want to come across as asking their permission or inviting them to have undo influence over your decisions in this area.

Having said that, if possible plan your dates and your single social life for when the children are with their father. I'm going to be optimistic and assume that he has at least every other weekend with the kids. In this case, you can date and go out socially within that time frame. For casual dating or going out socially with friends this is a good schedule. It allows for a good balance between your responsibilities regarding the children and your new life as a single woman. I don't believe you should give your children any details whatsoever about a social life you have when they are with their dad. Hopefully, you don't expect them to give you a blow by blow when they return from visiting dad, so this works both ways. Please do not put your children in the position of being your friend or "buddy" with whom you share information about your adult life.

Right now simply let them know that you are ready to move on, get more involved socially, and maybe go out with a man if the opportunity presents itself. Explain to them that this is normal for people who get divorced and you will let them know if anybody you date is important enough for them to meet. When you start to date, take your time to get to know this person and make sure he values and appreciates your role as a mother. You may kiss some frogs, so there is no need to bring the children into this process.

If you meet somebody you really like, and it looks as if the relationship is developing into something special, then it is time to introduce him to the kids. Prior to that, you might mention to the kids that you have met somebody really nice and you are getting to know him better. Teenagers, of course, are more able to understand how relationships develop and also realize that some relationships work out and some don't. Adolescents are also very much tied up with their own dating life and are dealing with their own sexuality. Please resist the temptation to use your teenager as a confidant. As interested as they may seem about your romantic life, they really shouldn't have to deal with your feelings.

For a first meeting between your children and your new friend, plan some kind of activity outside the home which includes the children and your new love interest. Gradually increase the time you and your new partner spend with the kids so they can get to know him . Don't make the mistake of coming across to your children as if they have a say in the matter. You are not asking for their permission to date nor are you giving them veto power over your choices. You are the one who will assess how your new friend relates to your children and whether or not you want to continue dating him based on that.

This is a very important concept to remember. You are the parent and the adult, and they are the kids. When you present new information to them, come across in a calm and confident way. Don't make them more confused by making a big deal about your readiness to date. It's better to simply stick to the information at hand and make it as matter-of-fact as possible. Enjoy your social life and, if you pick somebody who you feel is a good person, have confidence in your decision and present him in that way to your children.