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dead beat mom finally picked up on warrant

 
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ckaleel
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:17 pm    Post subject: dead beat mom finally picked up on warrant Reply with quote

Hi, Ladies,before you jump me here, LOL I'm one of the good dad's.I have custody of my 3 children,and ex-wife only has supervised parenting time,which she never called to see the kids,never paid a dime of court order child support.A warrant was issued for her arrest,she left the state.Two years go by and she was picked up 3 weeks ago on that warrant. She paid a cash bond at the Jail and was on her way.This all took place in Michigan.We have yet to get the back support money.Friend of court says it was paid when they check on the bond,but say they cannot forward me a check to my bank account till they are sent the money.The court house say's the same thing.Seems to me that Friend of court should be calling the jail where my ex-wife paid the cash bond and asking them why that money has not been sent to Friend of Court. I cannot call the jail as I do not no what Jail she was at.Anyone no how this works? How long it takes to get that back amount?
Thank you in advance for any help here.
C.Kaleel
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SLBENNETT
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CKALEEL,

JUST A QUESTION IF YOU DON'T MIND, WAS SHE COURT ORDERED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT BEFORE SHE LEFT THE STATE?

DID THE JAIL NOT HOLD HER? HOW DID YOU FIND OUT SHE WAS ARRESTED ON THE WARRANT IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT JAIL SHE WAS IN?
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ckaleel
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My ex-wife was court order to pay child support in our state of Michigan where she lived.She left for another state after that was ordered.
The jail let her out as soon as she posted bond,seems are Judge here did not request them to hold her,only issued a cash bond amount to be paid on the arrears.I found out she was arrested when she contacted her father here in Michigan,where she just came back to see some people and they picked her up on the warrant as her own Dad turned her in to the police.So I then called Friend of Court and they say she was arrested and posted bond.But now no one seems to no where that money is, as it was never sent to Friend of Court.I will add that Im glad that her father did the right thing for his grandchildren as he also was in court at the custody hearing and told the Judge himself that his own daughter was not a fit parent.The childrens case is down as abuse and neglect on the friend of Court records.I'm a hard working dad,we are not rich by any means,and I would like to add that when my ex-wife had the children in her custody I was ordered to pay $ 300.00 a week in child support,which I did. Never missed a payment,my ex-wife claims she has no job,works for cash,so they only ordered her to pay $25.00 a week and that is for all the children,not each of them. Seems to me a small amount like that and she can not even pay that is a shame.
C.Kaleel
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SLBENNETT
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CKALEEL,

Yes, I agree. $25.00 does not go far these days.
I'm sorry for what you are going thru. I am not against good fathers getting custody, I am against our court system allowing abusers and real unfit parents custody.

I am a good mother but my ex got custody because he had more $$$. It was not based on the best interest of the children, they were up for the highest bidder.

If her own father turned her in, then he is a good grandfather as he's putting his grandchildren's best interest at heart. Was she allowed to call or talk to the children? Did she send them anything? A card or letter? If anyone I feel pity on, it's the children. They are the ones suffering and should not have to be.

My ex will not allow me contact with my children.
I left the state too but was not court ordered to pay child support. He was court ordered to pay and of course never has. We have joint custody but he has primary physical. I'm very bitter with our system because my ex was able to buy the children. I'm capable, able and willing to work because I like being independent. But because my ex has a wife that stays home, I lost custody.

I leave it in GOD's hands because HE knows what is going on. I was lucky too. I feel I had the best dad in the world but he's with GOD now. I know there are a few good dads out there. If the children were being abused and neglected, then it's good that they are with you. No child deserves that.

I doubt quite frankly you will ever see that money. My ex was court ordered to pay also but nothing has ever happened or probably ever will.
The only way is if you are on welfare, then the state will go after her.

Good luck!
S.L. Bennett
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myzima2000
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i dont know how it works in your state but in sc when my ex had two warrents and was finally picked up he had to serve his year in jail until either the whole amount was paid unfortunaly for him he had to spend three months in lock up and his boss paid like 1800 dollars to get him out i got a check for 1600 some odd dollars and the rest went to pay court cost that he owed. now he is on wage with holding so i can get some of my ongoing support plus some of my back not that he pays much towards the back support i think like 40 dollars a month goes for that but he is going to end up back in jail soon
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ckaleel
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There mother has sent a B-day card once and awhile.What I do not like about that is,She does not treat them equal. What I mean by that is,we have 3 children,she will send a B-day card and money to our oldest daughter then the following Month it is our son's B-day and she send s nothing,not even a phone call.So he gets hurt by that. My youngest daughter has never got anything from her.At Christmas,the U.P.S. truck comes down our street all the time and she will call and say she mailed them a package and like all kids they stand there watching for the truck, but you guessed it, nothing ever arrives.Then the following year she might remember our son's B-day and not the oldest one.I want the children treated the same.It hurts to see them think there mother favor's one over the other.The children do not really want to talk to her when she might call 3 times a year only now. Plus they went through so much while they were in her care and like I said it is down as abuse and neglect on the Friend of Court records.She once took them across the state line,and it took me and the court 6 months to find them. When I did find them,as my oldest daughter was able to get to a phone she called me to say where they were, I jumped in the car and made the 3 day trip there to get them. They were so happy to come home. They were living in a trailer in the desert,no running,electric.or gas,and tires holding down the roof!They were dirty and had lice.They were not in school,but I later found out she had them in some kind of work camp.They have been through so much,and I have them help for this through Community Mental Health.We meet with them twice a week.
I'm mad at the court system,feel that now that we have supervised parenting time in place and she has not seen them in 3 years now,and she finally gets picked up on the warrant,posts bond, and my children are intitled to that money,yet it has never arrived.
C.Kaleel
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SLBENNETT
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

C.Kaleel,

That is very devastating. I went and bought early Valentines Days cards for both my girls today and I cried as I was writing in them. I love both my girls equally and couldn't imagine doing that to any child, sending a card or gift for one and not the other. It's cruel to lie and give them false hope and have them waiting for a truck that never comes to deliver.

At least it seems, you've been willing to allow her the opportunity to call and talk with the children and you don't intervene on the mail. That's good. Too bad my ex is too immature to do that.

I can't imagine children living under those circumstances. I couldn't afford the luxuries my ex had (of course, his mother gave him a house) but I had a townhouse, not the greatest but when my girls were there, they were fed, had clean clothes and bedding, substantial meals and we had utilities.

Did she take them across the state line without your knowledge? Was there a reason why she was trying to get away?

Yes, there are many of us angry with the court system. They are backasswards (excuse me, but they are). I do feel that a good father wouldn't take the children from their mothers, but under the circumstances, it's good that you did and it seems you've opened avenues for communication for your ex and children, that's to be commended.

Hi Myzima,

You are one of the lucky ones especially in South Carolina. I've heard stories from South and North Carolina that these dead beat parents get away with so much. Not to be mean but your ex is lucky to have a job nowadays considering he went to jail for non-child support payment. It's hard to get a job nowadays and they really look at a person crazy if they've been to jail for that reason.

Just watch it though, so many of these parents that are court ordered to pay keep changing jobs to avoid it. Nothing ever came about when my ex was court ordered to pay.

Best of luck to both of you.
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myzima2000
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yea tell me about it his wages are suppose to be garnished but guess what that lasted all of three to four months now his boss is not sending in the money i think i got one check in dec and one check in jan and that is it i am hoping the courts are going to finally do something about it i go up there every week complaining about why they are not doing anything it is sad but the ladies at the child support division know me by name and very well but you know you just got to keep fighting with all you got and evently something will get done i think they are going to rule his boss in and he can face up to 1 year in jail or 1500 dollars in fines. my ex only got lucky because his boss was stupid enough to bail him out but he made him sit in jail for three months my ex's parents would not even bail him out i just rather his sorry butt go back to jail he is a waste to society nothing but a druggie
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SLBENNETT
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Myzima,

Sounds like his boss could be a "druggie" too.
Not to mention "stupid". I know employers can be compassionate but they are dumb if they are breaking the law too.

I personally feel if they don't pay, they shouldn't get to see them, but then again, I know it's unfair to the children. However, if the "dead beat" is an abuser, druggie or neglectful, why should they be entitled to any rights?

I know I sound like a hypocrite but considering I made 1/3 of what my ex makes and he took the girls from me out of spite, to avoid his financial responsibility and using the girls as his way of "controlling" me, I had to walk away.
It was only hurting my girls to be caught in all that friction. My ex most definitely does NOT deserve my girls. My money for nearly 8 years went to these stupid courts trying to get my girls back, paying for stupid attorney's, not to mention missing time from work, gas money, time, energy only to be confronted with another disappointment. My girls are not up for sale, which is what the courts do. They auction the children off for the "highest bidder". Sick, huh!

I left (wouldn't have matter if I had stayed, I was not able to find a job and even if I had, I wouldn't have been able to keep it considering I had to keep missing work to attend court every other month). Even when I was there and I got my girls every other weekend, I fed them, I bought their clothes and toiletries, toys, videos, games and had beds for them. I probably spent more on those girls just on weekends than I would have in a month. My ex is cruel. When it was my time, he found excuses not to let me have them half the time and the courts knew this. I swear, if it wasn't the courts and the attorney's offices, I was at the police dept. making reports for violations of court orders and guess what!!!! The courts did absolutely NOTHING.

My ex was again court ordered to pay and he hasn't and I don't hold my breath for it either.
I would rather have a semi-normal life, be independent and make a life here and make a home for my girls here so that when they are old enough, they will know they have a home here.

I don't agree with our court system at all. My ex has a felony record and according to the VAWA ACT, (Violence Against Women's Act), and it's supposed to be in effect (ha, what a laugh), that if the other party has a history of abuse and a felony record, they are not to get custody of the children. It was enacted in 1995. Then why did I lose my girls in 1997???

Yes, my ex is nothing more than an object that takes up space and oxygen, worthless and pathetic!
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ckaleel
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you feel that your ex-husband is with holding there mail, I would go to the post office and send it where they have to sign for it. That way,that slip comes back to you and then you keep that. Then when you call your girls and they say they did not get anything, you can take the slip your Ex husband-signed to Friend of Court and let them know. Also you will have those slips for the future when your girls are older, and can show them those one day, to let them no that you never forgot them and did send them cards of love.I let the children talk to there mother,which is rare when she calls,they know they have a stable home with dad here, and can then see and hear for themselves that it is there mother,not me doing anything wrong. When they get upset over the things she says to them, they have there mental health worker to talk things over with also.They also talk to my sister,she helps us out alot.Having one son and two daughters,is hard,as the girls go through things that only sometimes a mom or another female person will do.The girls have become young women now,and first thing I did was call my sister for help with that.LOL They are adjusting to a dad that still has a lot to learn,but at least we are together and I know they are safe now.
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SLBENNETT
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CKALEEL,

Thank you for the advice. Being that they are minors, I don't think they can sign for it. Dork or his wife probably would and would throw it out. Yes, I have many forms of evidence, including phone bills showing I tried calling and only got the answering machine.

Children today are very hard to raise. Especially if they have been thru traumatic experiences.
Parents no longer have control, teachers and schools don't have any control, law enforcement agencies dont have control, so it's hard to meet a happy medium. There is no constructive structure.

I wish we could go back to simpler times when children were allowed to be children, everything is so technological, people don't communicate like they use to, TV's and other forms are used as a form of "babysitters". Children are so precious and need love, encouragement, stable and healthy environments and guidance.

It's sad to leave children like wolves to make them fend for themselves at such delicate ages.
It's hard to do anything constructive nowadays.

Yes, girls definitely need moms or women figures in their lives. I had a great dad and miss him a lot. I knew he did the best he could and I was very blessed. My dad never took me from my mother and never bad mouthed her. He definitely kept control in the household (law and order, LOL).

We were lucky. We could find friends, test our parents patience by staying out past our time to be home, experiment but not over indulge. We had substantiate meals (not gourmet), but not a bag of chips and soda for breakfast either. We had church and had to read, not a lot of TV back then.
We were monitored as to our activities. It wasn't all perfect (not like Leave it to Beaver) but it certainly wasn't this dysfunctional either.
We were taught to respect, learn to be independent and overcome obstacles. Children never heard of "courts" and all that mess....very seldom. There were more "family" oriented shows with a lot less violence, peer pressure and people learned. Nowadays, they have poisoned our children to believing if it's not illegal or violent, then it's nothing, human lives mean nothing and have little to no significance. Most children today do come from "broken" homes.

I had never heard of Friend of Court. I don't know if they have that in Southern California.
There was enough evidence and even attorney #3 brought that to the judges attention that my ex was using PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) since he would keep the girls on my time. The judge only snapped at him one time and of course my ex lied. There's been so much documentation, I could literally wall paper a mansion with it.

I pray for all of our children because our children are our future. There's no such thing as a stupid child but there are a lot of stupid parents. I actually blame our government for allowing it to get this far out of control.

I do feel sorry for your ex since she's missing the best things in life and nothing can replace the children. At least you have not stood in the way of her communicating or intercepting.

My girls would cry and scream when I had to take them back to their dad's home. They didn't want to get out of the car and the most heartbreaking was to watch my girls staring out the window after I dropped them off and they are crying and I can't console them. My friend's twin daughters chased after the back of her car and she would see them in her rearview mirror.

I have a real big problem allowing abusers any custody. They aren't worthy. I'm glad you and your children are reunited and healthy and safe.
It's a long hard journey but all worthwhile in the end. I know one day GOD will send my angels back to me. I don't know what kind of life they will have but I pray for them everyday and I hope they will see that I have always and will continue to think of them everyday until the day I die. I also know one day my ex and all these that have helped to ruin so many lives will be held accountable and GOD help them.
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myzima2000
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey slbennett

yea well i have not recieved any child support i got one check in dec. and one check in jan and when i went to the courts they said they were going to give it a few days and then rule his company in so i am too suprise that his boss is not sending in the money but see the courts have not taken any action so i guess he figures that the courts are not going to do anything but i am hoping the rule his boss in because with my ex's wages being garnish i should get my money like clock work so i will have to let you know because his boss can face a 1500 dollar fine or one year imprisionment but i know what you mean about your ex being a waste of space i feel that my ex is a waste to society what does he contribute nothing and my son does not even ask about him he has not called my son in about three months he misses visitation every few saturdays and does not care so i am hoping i can get his rights revoke that would make me happy i dont even care about the money any more i would give it all up for him to be out of my life and my sons but until them i want the money and people think i am crazy but it is not worth fighting over that money it is more tiring than anything i would tell the courts i would give up all support for his rights to be given up but good luck with everything anytime you want to vent you can email me or whatever i understand your pain girl
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SLBENNETT
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Myzima,

Yeah....they will keep you dangling on a never ending string. I can't believe all the time that was wasted and I do mean wasted, going from the courts, the District Attorney's and the welfare office. I kept hearing, "Ms. Bennett, it will be another 30 to 60 days. We have thousands of cases just like yours and we are going after them". Ha, the hell they were!!! They had my ex's address, work address, description, phone #'s, social security and driver's license and guess what!!! They did absolutely NOTHING!!! Worthless as a chicken with lips.

Yes, if I had known then what I definitely know now, I would have told them to take it and shove it and tried to get "sole" custody. Then the courts turn around and say, "You can't hold it against a father for being poor". He is NOT poor, he is irresponsible (BIG difference). The "father" has rights too!!! HELLO!!! The father also has a felony record and a history of violence and abuse, he should have NO rights!!!

At that time, I was surrounded by other single moms and they were more fortunate, either they were on welfare and had been and got to keep their kids or the fathers were being "men" and paying their child support. Some mothers were lucky because they could have an intelligent form of communication and get money (or maybe were already lucky and had money).

It's hard to raise children nowadays. It's very costly and even Hillary Clinton said years ago, "it takes a village to raise a child". She is correct about that. Children require a lot
(even coming up with lunch money for school can be quite difficult).

It upsets me because parents that have the opportunity to contact or at least call or write their children don't. I want to more than ever but I have a very wicked ex and he intercepts what little form of communication I have. Even when I was to get my girls, he often played "head games" and kept my girls from me on MY time.

My daughter's birthdays are coming up (later this month and next month) and I will most definitely be calling and wishing them a Happy Birthday even though I know they won't get the messages. I have got birthday cards for them here and I'm buying them a little gift and keeping it here for them. I'm starting "scrapbooking" and one day, I will be able to give it to them.

I'm also keeping a journal so that they will know what happened year after year. They will grow up one day and can decide for themselves, but I know they are smart and can figure it out themselves.

Children remember "quality" times. They remember laughter and fun. Those expensive gifts and entertainments will all fade out. They will remember the parent being there for them when they were sick, or making them laugh when they had a bad day. They will know which parent sacrificed the most and gave their energy, time and love unconditionally. They will know who's real and who's fake.

I can only keep my girls in prayer everyday as I know GOD is watching over them for me. I know there will be a "sweet" day when we are reunited again and my ex and all those corrupt courts can not intervene any longer.

I'm sorry for the anguish and misery you have to endure. Yeah, it's NOT worth it sometimes. It would be better to have a simpler life and just be a little bit more free(er) than to be saddled down with all that false hope, mountains of paper work and face disappointment after disappointment and all the while breaking you down financially.

Take care Myzima. GOD bless you!!! Susan
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myzima2000



Joined: 07 Feb 2006
Posts: 74
State or Province: South Carolina

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey girl yea i know what you mean i have kept all of my information from my divorce all the documentation i have kept when my ex was doing his visitaiton because when camren get older i want him to be able to see for himself what his father was i feel so bad for him because he is the one that is suffering and my ex does not even care but i am suppose to be going to court on march 1 whether i will be able to speak my mind will be a different story but either one or two things will happen he will pay up what he owes or he goes to jail again. you know susan i will keep you in my prayers that you get your kids back because children always need their mothers. and i will pray for your children that they are safe and sound keep the faith things will work themselves out your ex will slip up somehow you will get your kids back you just cannot give up on them and i know you would never do that but keep calling and calling and fighting your kids know who is there for them you guys are in my prayers
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