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tinalee1972



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:06 pm    Post subject: help Reply with quote

i am a mother of 4 boys ages now are 18 he has graduated and moved out on his own...then i have a 16 yr old son soon to be 17 then i have a 14 yr old son soon to be 15 then a 13 yr old son soon to be 14. my ex left us back in nov 1996 i had the children in my custody ever since....

when he left i told him i was keeping custody of the boys so he told me fine and then i said about going for child support he told me if i did that then he would give up all his rights to the boys i didnt know the law so i thought he could then so i said fine cause i didnt want to be the blame for him not being in his kids life so i asked him what he could afford he said 50 aweek so he paid that when he did for 10 1/2 yrs till may 2006 i sued him for child support then he turned around and sued me for full custody ....none of our sons wants to live with him . he left his 2nd wife back in 2004 she was 5 months pregnant and they also have a 2 yr old son at that time .he went to a bar and never went home ...he left her for his new gf. well they live in a 3 bedroom well the gf has a son and a daughter the son is 10 the little girl is 6 they sleep in the same room the other women is a stranger she is handicapped living in the 3rd bedroom he has no rooms for my sons they sleep on the floor and couches . i have to go by the custody agreement made from 1997 when he left ,the kids were toddlers they do not want this set up no more . i have legal services tellin me i can not change this arrangement cause he is sueing me for full custody. well we went to a modified hearing we were both ordered to pay 1050 i paid he didnt he asked the judge to give him 6 months to come up with it which will take us to april 2007 ..since then he had moved from his 2 bedroom in new phila .to a three bedroom four blocks from where we live the boys asked me to do something about the visitation they only want to see him now on a saturday from like 9 to 6pm . i am being told by alot of ppl the kids will get to talk to the judge for my ex is telling the boys he has already won and they will be living with him and they have no choice? what do you think ? is it true? Additional Details his gf moved in a women whom is handicapped , i paid 1050 for a home eval. he paid me 50 aweek for 10 yrs until he stopped paying so i finally sued him for full support that is when he sued me for full custody. he still didnt pay for the home eval...and my sons still sleep on the floor . the women they moved in has a bed and her own room....my ex's gf's son and daughter share a room he is 11 and she is 5 i heard its wrong for brother and sister to share a room.....none of my sons want to live their they want me to try to stop sleep overs ....they sleep on floors and couches ...my ex has no bedrooms for our sons at all .....

Additional Details
his grounds on sueing me are for my sons grades which they do struggle they have since kindergarten i mean they did have some good grades thru the years two of my sons have add and adhd i had them tested and they have iep and speech therapy .i am again having my son matt retested he is 16 and in 9th he told me he is having a real hard time well they stopped his iep so i wrote to the school to have him retested again.brandon has a iep and is getting the right help now they did send him to another school which i fought to get him back in ...

when we had the modified hearing they were more into why the children missed so much school well my 14 yr old had major knee surgery so he did miss alot of time ,,,my other son had badly sprained his ankle both of theses injuries my sons had my ex told both our sons they were fakers .well there is alot on this subject i could tell you .in the beginning of my sons football season justin got hurt the first day so he couldnt play i told him not to also till we find out what is going on with his knee it was hurting him badly well justin came home one nite he came in mom you better go out and talk to dad he is callin me a faker and everything ,,,so i went out and i said what is going on he said you told our son he can quit football i said no i told him he isnt playing till we find out how his knee is well he said and his new gf said there is nothing wrong with him he is faking well when i finally told him to a orthopedic they told me our son needed surgery well i was there for my son his father told him he couldnt get off work but then the following week he took off to go with his gf and her son just to get his foot checked that hurt justin alot.

then my son brandon hurt his ankle well i was taking him to therpy i also took justin when he was hurt ok back to brandon well the therapist told him to start using his ankle like normal so he was jumping and skipping on it well that day their father was here to pick up matt cause he wanted to sleep at his dads so his dad pulled in to pick up matt and he told brandon to come here well brandon went to the van his father said what are you doin he said what he said your jumping around like a jack### well he told him what his therphist had said then he called brandon a faker well brandon came over to me and told me with tears in his eyes that his dad called him a faker well his dad came out put him up against the garage i thought he was only yelling at him i couldnt see cause my ex is 6 '1 brandon was 5 '6 so he covered him i told pete to leave him alone when my ex left my son was holding his throat i said what did he do my other two sons told me he had his elbow shoved in brandons throat i took brandon into the house brandon couldnt catch his breath then my fiance took him to the sink to splash cold water on his face to try to calm him down my fiance and brandon told me he coughed up blood i should have had my ex arrested but i am scared of him he was abusive while we were married .i never had the police there when it happened well brandon said he was still alittle sore brandon said he hates his dad and didnt want anything to do with him ,,,so we didnt answer the phones all nite we wanted things to cool down brandon told me he doesnt want tog o to his dads no more i told him when and if he ever wanted to see his dad or talk to him it was up to him so he did stop seein and talking to him for about a month and a half so did justin ,matt still went over well anyway brandon started telling me he misses his dad and would like to see him i told him to break the ice to call him .well the day he hurt brandon i called the new gf and told her what he had done to our son she said he has every right to do that to his son i said oh no he doesnt she said well he keeps mine in line that way i said well thats you he isnt allowed to touch theses children ever again ...she said well i will tell him i told her if he wasnt better i would have to run him to the er she said go ahead and tell them he did it go head i said well i guess i would have to .

so that nite brandon was doing ok but when he woke up in the morning his throat really hurt so i had to take him to the doctors i told the nurse he was put up against the wall by the throat i told my sons primary doctor what had happened .so that is when my ex stopped paying his 50 awk when the two boys stopped going.

now my ex is also puttin in there that my sons are out of control which is bs sorry but it is they act out in school .i put my son justin in pottsville behavioral program which my ex was against he told me that he didnt need it just a foot in his arse well since i put him in the program he has changed ....then brandon was moved to another school because he needed emotional support classes our school didnt have them but i got him back into his regular school cause i didnt believe he belong at this other school so i had called pennsylvania advocacy she really helped me alot to get brandon back into school they also said my son was a bully i asked alot of ppl they said it was a lie.well he is back to regular school and his behavior is great...

then my ex brought in that my youngest took a pocket knife out to school im sorry i didnt know they took it my 14 yr old took it out of his brothers room and told his younger brother to carry it for him cause he had no pockets brandon wasnt thinking till he got to school he didnt want to get caught so he tried to stick it in his locker someone saw it and reported him he was exspelled and had to go to the court house he had a probation officer and one yr probation the probation office said brandon was a good kid and made one mistake ....he told me he would testify on my behalf that brandon is a good kid.

that is the grounds he wants them on/
i have been the one that kept the clothes on their backs ,roof over their heads ,food in their mouths.took them to all their apptsmts and er runs and surgeries and so on ...talk to the schools as much as i can try to keep the boys gettin help in school .....when i went to sue him for child support she seen i had medical on them so did he she said ms mcnulty you have medical for the boys thru welfare i said yes she said mr you have insur thru work how come ms mcnulty didnt know nor have your cards he said cause their mine for when i have the boys she said whom has custody he said she does the women said then she should have them he said no there mine she said mr mcnulty did you ever take your sons to a doctors appointment or dentist or hospital anything he said no that is her job...he had medical on our sons and never told me nor gave me a card...

well when i sued him for child support he turned around and sued me for full custody ,,,i took care of my boys the best i could and still do ....i was on disability since 96 getting only 50 aweek for four boys i did it and im still taking care of my boys ,,,i use to ask him for help in getting school clothes you know he gave me a 20 and i said what can i do with this he said one pair of jeans for one of them ...wow thanks....i mean here and there he did help with like sneakers and spikes for sports that was it half the time i didnt get any support...but i raised theses boys he only seen them everyother weekend and sometimes went to their sport activities i was there for all of them i might have missed 1 all the yrs they played they play now ,,,he makes it to all of them surprise now that he wants them ...their ages are 16 going on 17 in june and justin is 14 gonna bw 15 in feb and brandon is 13 going on 14.

i dont not go to bars and i dont not smoke i am here for my sons always.i have been with the same man since my ex left me i lived on my own for 91/2 yrs my fiance and i bought a home together we are gettting married in 2008 he did alot for my sons.

now my ex he has been in alot of relationships left his second wife pregnant and left their 2 yr old son went to a bar and never went home ,,,moved right in with this new gf when he left his wife to whom he is still married to.

moved in with the gf right after i didnt want to send the boys cause things were crazy and i didnt want the boys in the middle well he was like i have my visitations tina i want the kids...so i talked to the kids and they had to go ....

he was messin with the kids minds asking them should he go back to his wife or stay with the new gf justin told him his wife but went back to the gf....he did that to his wife to the point she lost it he admitted her to 5p which is hospitalization he drove her there by tellin her one minute he was goin home then the next he would call and say no i am not ..then he went home slept with his wife one hour later went back with his gf......

my ex does drink alot ...he use to take my sons on the weekends that werent his cause i thought he wanted more time with his boys no i found out that they were there to watch the gf's kids so they can go out to bars so i stopped it i kept them on my weekends...which was only right anyway..dont get me wrong if my sons wanted to go over there it was up to them but they would only go if he was actually there..but when they went over on school nights they were callin me telling me that they dont want to go to school cause ellen didnt feel like driving them i told them she better get you to school ....its a mess...im sorry for all this but i want to know can i lose my sons to him ...plz also i am thinking of gettin another attorney ....can i stop overnites with whats going on at my exs with no beds for my sons nor bedrooms and they have a handicapped women living with them ..oh saturday my ex and his gf left the house at 9am and left the handicapped women with them and told them to watch her its not my sons job and what if she got hurt.......im sorry for venting can you plz tell me what you think
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4penny



Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 10
State or Province: Oklahoma

PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And what is your attorney saying? I don't know where you live but your children are old enough to tell the judge who they want to live with and as for your ex... Sounds like his bark is worse than his bite. He sounds like a guy that makes a lot of unsound threats and really can't back them up. Older boys and little girls should not really be sharing a room and you should really discuss these overnight visits problems in depth with your attorney because your ex really shouldn't be using them to babysit a disabled woman, really for her safety if something happened and the boys didn't know CPR or other lifesaving measures (of course I don't know the extent of her disability but that isn't their responsibility). If they do not want to go to their dads because he isn't there anyways you should let the attorney know that so he can draft up some kind of paperwork to notify your ex that visitation with his children goes both ways so he really should be present for the visitation to take place otherwise he has no reason to complain because he isn't there. Don't worry many of us have crazy ex's but if your boys are acting up doesn't mean that you are a bad mom or he's a better dad especially if he is getting physical with them -- and that should be reported to the authorities and if the boys are scared of him maybe even getting a protective order is an option.
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