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I fell for it all

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Joined: 15 Jan 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 10:09 am    Post subject: I fell for it all Reply with quote

Well I am now about 6 1/2 weeks prgenent and the father wants me to get an abortion. He has me confused about everything I know that I am not going to get one because I had one before and I dont think I could live with myself if I had another one. I know better now. He has said many many bad things to me including how he was depending on me getting an abortion if I ever did get pregnent. I dont understand how he could do this to me. He even tried to negotiate with my by telling me he would marry me"right now" (we were in vegas at the time) if I didnt go through with this. We had planned to get married in about a year, after his schooling was done. (he graduates in may but needs to go a second school out of town) All these things that he told me about how he loved me so much, was just no different than his other ex of four years, although he always promised there was no comparision between us and them. He invited me to the movies the other say and tells me how much he missed me but that he doesnt want this and how I should stand and respect his decision. He comes over after drinking tells me that he sorry he went out but that he misses me so much "more that I know" but then tries to pull down my pants after telling him no he said he was sorry he came. After telling him that I did want him there but for the RIGHT reasons and because hewanted to be there. I knew in the morning he was going to snapp out of it, and of coarse he did. He was the perfect guy when we were together, but I dont know how to digest everything after finding out it was all fake. I have a doctors appoinment on thrusday and he said he was gonna go. Should I even let him be involved? Everytime I see him it just hurts. Should I try to keep him involved or just stay away? He already has full custody of his 5yr old little girl, why is she so much more important than mine means nothing?! Please Help!!!!
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Joined: 06 Mar 2007
Posts: 25
State or Province: New Hampshire

PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:26 pm    Post subject: i fell for it all Reply with quote

my opinion is to get away from him. you dont say why or how he got custody of his first child. go to the court house that the custody hearing was at and ask to see the orders. these are publc records that any one can see unless there was a 3rd party involved. find out why he has custody. was it to get out of paying child suport? did he go for custody for revenge? or was the mother unfit to have this child.
do not put his name on the birth certificate. what this man will probably do is once your child is around the age of 2, when things get a little easier he will then step in and it will not matter that he has not had any thing to do with your child for two years he will be given his rights by the court system. to me he sounds like a minipulation decetful person. acts nice to get you to do what he wants and if you dont he changes into a mean person.
dont let him go to the doctors with you, it will only be a record that he was standing with you as you were pregant. and if it goes to court he will say he was there for you and you are lying. even if he was not there for you. do not trust this man in any way. if you do years from now you will be sorry when you have to have visitations with your child and he has custody of your child.
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Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 3
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hunny, i had a similar experience only i was married and we already had a child. now that we are divorced he is threatening me with taking them from me simply because he doesnt want to have to pay child suppot. to him they are nothing more than a means to an ends to secure his lifestyle in contrast to mine because i thought that i could have a better life without him. so i am now, stuck, watching my children suffer through his mind games and manipulations until i can convince a court justice that the best thing for the children is to be with me.

its hard, i know. especially when you sit there, thinking about it all from beginning to where you are now. it hurts. BAD. you gave a part of yourself to this man and it resulted in a child. something that you should NOT be ashamed of. If he doesnt want to be active in this childs life then let him go. He sounds like hes got a whole set of issues of his own to deal with, i would really hate to see them passed to yet another innocent child.

Keep a journal of EVERYTHING... calendar it is probobly your best bet. dont close him out, give him the opportunity to make the choice to be an active part of this pregnancy and this childs life. given what i have read about his actions thus far it wont be long before he hangs himself. When you go into court for custody after the child is born (file immdeiately) take with you the journal and calendar and state your case then... hes probobly going to ask for a paternity test, give it to him. try not to take it personal. youre going to have to be strong and rise above this crap that hes pulling. hes trying to degrade you in order to break you. its his way of controlling you in order for you to do his bidding.

Take this as a blessing. This is fair warning of what you would have married, regardless of how good it might have been in the beginning. Walk away now, while you still can. The longer that you stay the stronger the hold he will have on you. Youll thank yourself for it later.
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