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lost with out an answer

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Joined: 04 Feb 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: Other

PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 5:53 am    Post subject: lost with out an answer Reply with quote

I was a single mother with sole custody or 2 beautiful children for about 6yrs by courts and the father had visting rights even though he chose not to exersise this he moved and we moved in different dirrections but still the father would not have any to little to do with his only children so i got sick of trying to make this happen so i moved to the town where he worked and lived when he was at work, this was good at first i got a job and he helped out with the kids when he was in town only because i would lay on my back for him but then i got pregant to him again and he never wanted his girlfriend to know so he made me have an abortion which i did then he wanted to have more realions with me but i said no so he forced himself after which i told him if it ever happened again i would get him charged so he left me alone but this got worse for the kids because he again wanted nothin to do with them things just started getting worse then he informed the police i was driving unlicenced all of which is not his fault as i was but i got caught and was sentenced to jail for driving while disquilified for 6mths but only did 4mths in this time he took my children and would not let me have contact with them when i got out of jail i appiled for a recovery order and for legal aid but by the time legal aid was granted the court case had been heard and i appeared on my own thinking that the truth will win as it always should but it did not i was not granted my recovery order and he was granted interm custody untill court again but i was granted to have joint dessions in the childrens affairs and telephone contact every Mon_Wed-Fri at 6;30pm and he was to make sure that they were ready and visits every weekend but things have not been turning out quite this well he will not make them ready and will not send them here with any belongs as when i went to jail he cleaned me out of all there belongs beds clothes everthing but my questions is if he is not abiding by what the judge said and not making the kids avabile for the phone calls and consulting me in there schooling an sporting which he wont let me put them in any even though i have said i will pay do i have any rights and if so what r they and if he picks them up a day late from holidays with me why do i have to give them back and if he is not the one caring for them but his new wife because when i was in jail he got marriaged if she is lookin after them and he is not spendin much time with them then y can not i get more access to them and can i do something about him not abiding by the judges ruling when in fact he was the one that said he would consent to these arregments and i had to just agree
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Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 9
State or Province: Kentucky

PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, let me see... It's really hard to help when there isn't any punctuation in the post- makes it harder to understand...

OK, let me see if I got this straight... You had 2 kids with a guy who wanted nothing to do with them... He moved away from you, and you followed him- trying to force him to have contact with his children.

After you moved to his town, he wanted to have a sexual relationship with you, even though he had a girlfriend, and you consented to this, even though you KNEW he had a girlfriend.

When he was cheating on his girlfriend with you, you got pregnant with your 3rd child with him, and had an abortion, because he didn't want his girlfriend to find out he was cheating? After this, you decided to stop having sex with him- so he raped you? And instead of calling the police, you let him know you WEREN'T going to call the police, but if he did it again you would?

This apparently scared him enough to make him want you out of his life, because #1, he stopped all contact with his kids again, and #2 he tipped off the police that you were driving around without a license- an offense that you ended up in jail for 4 months, giving him free access to his children, and pretty much handing him full custody.

When you got out of jail, he had assumed custody of the children and gotten married. He wouldn't allow you contact with your children at all, so you went to court to get custody restored to yourself- then you represented yourself and lost... You didn't get legal aid until after the hearing?

So your situation is this- you have 2 kids that your husband has been granted temporary custody of pending a new trial, and you share legal custody, as well as you having telephone visitation M,W, and F at 6:30? Your husband will not put your children in sports, even though you have offered to pay, he doesn't let you contact your kids for the phone visitation, and basically is disregarding every thing that was in the court order?

PHEW! What a mess you have gotten yourself into! It seems to me like you were using your kids to try to get their dad, and while he was more than happy to use you for a sexual relationship, he'd rather have completely cut ties with them than have any other relationship with you. You should have run the other direction when he moved away.

Enough blaming you though, hindsight is always 20-20. First of all, you need to speak to your legal aid attorney. Tell him he is violating the terms of the court order, picking the kids up late, not letting you call, not respecting your input, etc.

(For the record, you're going to have a hard time having a judge enforce joint legal custody... My daughter has been in the hospital with a concussion because some kid at her school punched her- I wasn't informed, and the court doesn't care. My ex makes 100k a year but insists on living in a slummy inner city house and taking her to an inner city school, and she recently was tested as a genius and offered a spot in a really good school, but it would cost money for us and require him to drive her instead of letting her walk- she's 6- by herself, so he decided not to put her in it... Does the court care? You know they don't! And we have joint legal custody...)

The lawyer should be able to advise you what to do from here, file a motion to hold their father in contempt, file an emergency ex-parte order for custody, if you feel they are in danger, whatever it takes.

Right now you are in a position where you're not likely to win custody when it comes down to it. You got there mostly from inaction. You allowed him to set the terms of his relationship with you and the kids, and now you're paying because you trusted he would never try to take them from you.

The problem is that courts don't care who raised the kids. They pretend they do, but when it goes to court the question will be "who has been with them the most in the last 6 months?" and if it is his wife, they don't care either- they view your children as integrated in his family, and they won't want to take them out. Add in the fact that #1, you were driving without a license which could have endangered their lives, and #2 you've served jail time and his lawyer is going to make you look like the worst mother in the world.

You need to become proactive. Don't wait for him to do something and react to it, you need to make the next move. Like I said, talk to your legal aid lawyer. Make sure they know everything that has happened between your ex and yourself. And if you have proof that he raped you, like the abortion receipts, you may want to find out if you can still file charges against him. You can't just sit and be a victim, your kids deserve a mother who fights for them!
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