Joined: 31 Aug 2006
State or Province: Kentucky
|Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:26 am Post subject:
|Ok, let me see... It's really hard to help when there isn't any punctuation in the post- makes it harder to understand...
OK, let me see if I got this straight... You had 2 kids with a guy who wanted nothing to do with them... He moved away from you, and you followed him- trying to force him to have contact with his children.
After you moved to his town, he wanted to have a sexual relationship with you, even though he had a girlfriend, and you consented to this, even though you KNEW he had a girlfriend.
When he was cheating on his girlfriend with you, you got pregnant with your 3rd child with him, and had an abortion, because he didn't want his girlfriend to find out he was cheating? After this, you decided to stop having sex with him- so he raped you? And instead of calling the police, you let him know you WEREN'T going to call the police, but if he did it again you would?
This apparently scared him enough to make him want you out of his life, because #1, he stopped all contact with his kids again, and #2 he tipped off the police that you were driving around without a license- an offense that you ended up in jail for 4 months, giving him free access to his children, and pretty much handing him full custody.
When you got out of jail, he had assumed custody of the children and gotten married. He wouldn't allow you contact with your children at all, so you went to court to get custody restored to yourself- then you represented yourself and lost... You didn't get legal aid until after the hearing?
So your situation is this- you have 2 kids that your husband has been granted temporary custody of pending a new trial, and you share legal custody, as well as you having telephone visitation M,W, and F at 6:30? Your husband will not put your children in sports, even though you have offered to pay, he doesn't let you contact your kids for the phone visitation, and basically is disregarding every thing that was in the court order?
PHEW! What a mess you have gotten yourself into! It seems to me like you were using your kids to try to get their dad, and while he was more than happy to use you for a sexual relationship, he'd rather have completely cut ties with them than have any other relationship with you. You should have run the other direction when he moved away.
Enough blaming you though, hindsight is always 20-20. First of all, you need to speak to your legal aid attorney. Tell him he is violating the terms of the court order, picking the kids up late, not letting you call, not respecting your input, etc.
(For the record, you're going to have a hard time having a judge enforce joint legal custody... My daughter has been in the hospital with a concussion because some kid at her school punched her- I wasn't informed, and the court doesn't care. My ex makes 100k a year but insists on living in a slummy inner city house and taking her to an inner city school, and she recently was tested as a genius and offered a spot in a really good school, but it would cost money for us and require him to drive her instead of letting her walk- she's 6- by herself, so he decided not to put her in it... Does the court care? You know they don't! And we have joint legal custody...)
The lawyer should be able to advise you what to do from here, file a motion to hold their father in contempt, file an emergency ex-parte order for custody, if you feel they are in danger, whatever it takes.
Right now you are in a position where you're not likely to win custody when it comes down to it. You got there mostly from inaction. You allowed him to set the terms of his relationship with you and the kids, and now you're paying because you trusted he would never try to take them from you.
The problem is that courts don't care who raised the kids. They pretend they do, but when it goes to court the question will be "who has been with them the most in the last 6 months?" and if it is his wife, they don't care either- they view your children as integrated in his family, and they won't want to take them out. Add in the fact that #1, you were driving without a license which could have endangered their lives, and #2 you've served jail time and his lawyer is going to make you look like the worst mother in the world.
You need to become proactive. Don't wait for him to do something and react to it, you need to make the next move. Like I said, talk to your legal aid lawyer. Make sure they know everything that has happened between your ex and yourself. And if you have proof that he raped you, like the abortion receipts, you may want to find out if you can still file charges against him. You can't just sit and be a victim, your kids deserve a mother who fights for them!