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I really need some help

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Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 2
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:06 pm    Post subject: I really need some help Reply with quote

I am very new to this whole situation and need some kind of advice on what to do. This may be a little long but I ask that you bear with me on this:

I have two children, ages 14 and 12 who reside in NY state with their father. A little background, I had a very rocky relationship with their father. It ended very badly after turning abusive. I left him and returned to my home town with my 2 children. I had my children with me for a while until I was laid off my job. It got hard for me because another child had since been born ( I later married the 3rd child's father). Before all of this took place, I had asked for assistance from the father and asked him to take our 2 children into his home until my financial situation improved. At the time I thought I was doing what was best for my children.

Less than one year later, I was married and moved with my husband who was in the military. I called my children's father and told talked with him about my current situation and that I was ready for my children to come home. I realized that this may have hurt him but I had assured him it had no bearing on him and I raising the children together. He brought the children to me, and my new husband and I were their sole caregivers. My husband and my children's father never got along. My children's father told my son prior to dropping him off to me that my new husband was not my son's father and he didn't have to obey my husband and that if my husband put a hand on him to tell him about it and he would come down to where we lived and kick my husband's a$$! (WOW!! That's something to tell a 5 yr old huh?) I never asked their father for a dime of support and I never kept him from visiting the kids.

I took them out of school early to be with him for his birthday as in the state of GA school let out in May. It was the last week of school and my children had very good grades and passed their end of year test. 3 weeks into the children being there with their father for the summer, I get a visit from Child Protective Services with allegations that my children were being abused by my husband and myself. My children got along VERY well with my husband. We were so shocked that this even took place. The charges were unfounded in GA but somehow NY state made the allegations stick (go figure). In doing this they have something on my record affecting me ever working around kids again until my youngest child is 28. I have never harmed my children or allowed anyone else to intentionally harm my children EVER!!!!! Also, my children's father sued for custody of our children. We were in court back and forth for 2 or 3 months with this. The judge was ordering for me to have time with my kids with my husband present. My kids father was making it as if my kids were petrified of my husband but in fact it was the opposite and my children's father knew this. I think that kids who are afraid of someone hurting them would not want to spend time or even nights with the person hurting them, don't you agree? Especially if it is to the extreme or degree that my kids father alleged it was.

My husband was deployed overseas well into the case and our lawyer was attempting to get a continuance on the case until my husband was able to attend the hearings and was trying to contact the lawyer representing my children's father. Conveniently his lawye did not received the message until after the hearing and my children's father was awarded custody by default with me having "liberal visitation" rights. I was upset and hurt.

After a year or two after all of this my husband and I divorced mainly due to the stress of this situation. my children are expressing they want to live with me. they have been asking for this since 2003. Their father has been dead set against it. Telling them they will never come live with me. He has said horrible things to my children about me which have affected them a lot. And they have spoken to me regularly about it. They are very hurt he is doing this to them and to me. He sought child support from me and while I know it is my obligation as a parent to pay support for my children, he has treated me as if I am a surrogate mother. He has never been fair to me with the children and he has the audacity to ask me for support and he makes more money than I do and he really doesn't need it.

Though my resources are limited, I feel I need to fight for my rights to raise my children. I never treated him the way he has treated me when it came to our children and I feel he is unfair with me. I have contacted the courts for a petition to modify the original order based on all accounts above. I want to know what is my rights in doing that and also what are my rights as having liberal visitation? What does it mean for me and the future of my children?

Loving Mother Crying in NC
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Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 9
State or Province: Indiana

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 11:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

God bless you. OMG, that is an awful story.
I feel your pain.
Men do not feel this kind of anguish when they do not have the kids. How it has come to this, men taking the children, I do not know.
We have to somehow band together and change the laws.
It is an abomination to take a kid away from it's mother. Sad
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