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i'm a stepmom to a great little

 
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sunflowergirl
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:06 pm    Post subject: i'm a stepmom to a great little Reply with quote

i'm a stepmom to a great little angel who is 6. we get to see her every weekend and are fighting for custody. i was just reading some of your posts about men getting the upper hand in court. i can tell you that in New Jersey it is not that way at all, but my husband and i will keep fighting b/c my stepdaughter deserves a better life.

she does not get breakfast before school-her mother sleeps all morning. i stand corrected, when the angel gets breakfast it's something like M&M's or another candy item. my stepdaughter has to get herself up and dressed and waits for the other kids to walk to bus stop, which she walks to by herself. these are only small examples as to why we are fighting for my stepdaughter.

my husband has been involved since day 1 of his daughter's life. i think it's terrible the bad dad's out there have ruined it for the good dad's. the result of that action is that the kids don't end up w/ who the good parent is.

~sunflowergirl
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dancerchicky246
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sunflower
putting your stepdaughter through the kind of battle she would be involved in to get her away from her mom is VERY damaging to her.
REmember that is her mom and she LOVES her. Regardless of what YOU think of her.If you truly love her find another way to help her ...dont take her away from her mom!!! Maybe help mom take care of her .Work as a team with her mom for your stepdaughters benefit . Children need their moms too!! Think how you would feel if someone took you away from YOUR mom or took your chilren from you!! Your stepdaughter will come to resent you for it..or worse eventually.Unless her mom is beating her and the childs life is in danger you should only intervene to help in a positive way.
dont think that by doing this you will impress your man or hold onto him better. that will backfire when your stepdaughter realizes what happened and that you are responsible for ruining her relationship with mom!!!
Dancerchicky
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luvueric1028
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I need some legal advice. My abusive ex is trying to take my son away from me. I say "my son" because ever since he was in my belly I was the one who got the job. He did not care. He ran out on me for weeks at a time. And he beat me when I was 8 months pregnant with Eric. He tried to control me. I am doing better than ever now and I told him that it was okay for him to see Eric at his brothers house.(He is in the halfway house, and I live alone with my son.) I would drop Eric off and pick him up. But every time I did the dad would harass me and try to stalk me. I finally ended up moving to where he cannot find me and now he is trying to stalk my boyfriend and try to get my friends against me and he even called Human Services on me trying to get Eric taken away. Now he is threatening custody. But he has not had a job since 2001 for 3 months he worked at a restraunt. He has a history of jailtime. And he is pretty much homeless. Any Advice Would Be So Great

THanks, luvueric
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marina
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

alot of schools serv breakfest, maybe it would be vise to signe the child up for breakfest at school.
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erin
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT MY BABY WHO HAS RECENTLY BEEN TAKEN FROM ME
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Ytonin
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

luvueric1028 .. Sounds like you are gonna go through what I have, Most of the time its mind games some men play, To scare you and to hurt you.That makes them feel like they have control and helps their ego.intimidation. its sad that some people use the kids to get to the mother, but they do. I have been going through this since 1979. In my case, He means it.One good thing out of everything he has put me through, I am strong and mean now, and not afraid. except of the thought he might try and take my son out of the USA. I will fight, do what ever I have too. Its funny, I am about the only person who is not afraid of this man now, and it drives him nuts. He has shot at me a 38, after that, theres not alot to be afraid of.I wish I could help more, My only advice is : Dont let him think hes winning and your afraid, go crazy,act it at least, if you have too. If he finds you, Go outside with a video camera, a cassette recorder etc, make sure he sees it also, intimidate his butt. Theres alot more I could suggest..Just be tough and dont do what I did at first, They feed off that.Take care
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sarahg321



Joined: 31 May 2006
Posts: 6
State or Province: Other

PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dancerchicky246 wrote:
sunflower
putting your stepdaughter through the kind of battle she would be involved in to get her away from her mom is VERY damaging to her.
REmember that is her mom and she LOVES her. Regardless of what YOU think of her.If you truly love her find another way to help her ...dont take her away from her mom!!! Maybe help mom take care of her .Work as a team with her mom for your stepdaughters benefit . Children need their moms too!! Think how you would feel if someone took you away from YOUR mom or took your chilren from you!! Your stepdaughter will come to resent you for it..or worse eventually.Unless her mom is beating her and the childs life is in danger you should only intervene to help in a positive way.
dont think that by doing this you will impress your man or hold onto him better. that will backfire when your stepdaughter realizes what happened and that you are responsible for ruining her relationship with mom!!!
Dancerchicky


well said i totally agree with you, they dont sound sufficiant enough to go for custody.i think maybe your fella abit pieved with angels mum because of other reasons maybe.be a friend to the child too it sounds like your trying too hard 'dads are 10 a penny you only have 1 mum'.
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katysmom



Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 9
State or Province: Kentucky

PostPosted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 1:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree. I am totally against step parents getting involved in the fights between parents. My ex and I are both remarried, my husband and I have been together since my daughter was 5 months old, and my ex has been married about a year now.

My experience is that a new spouse only knows what the ex tells him or her about their ex. But they are EXes for a reason. And new spouses, women especially, are very happy to believe that the ex is the devil. It's so much easier to accept being 2nd. My husband has the experience of being my best friend before the divorce, so he was the strongest support I had when I was getting out of the abusive first marriage. But even he doesn't try to get in between my ex and myself. He steps forward to protect me when he feels it necessary, such as when my ex got a restraining order against me last summer- but his way is silent, just to be there for me. I always have someone on my side, and someone who knows the truth of me, when I start to doubt myself.

My ex's wife is a different story. When my ex wants me to know something he tells her to tell me. She's a very controlling person, and doesn't have a clear sense of propriety (the first time she met my parents she sat my mom down at the table and spent hours talking about her childhood- she used to be really fat, she was abused by one of her mothers boyfriends- when my mom REALLY wanted to play with my daughter). She's even called a hotel I was at, trying to get the room number we were staying in, saying I kidnapped her child (I had her for court ordered visitation). She's changed the spelling of my daughter's name, and pierced her ears, and gotten in my face about cutting my daughter's hair. This from a woman that up to the day they got married, my husband told me "wasn't marriage material."

The thing is, as a stepmother, Sunflower, you don't know anything about the mother. And to be honest, you don't know anything about the father. All you know about the person you marry is what they choose to show you. Never condemn anyone based on something you have not observed yourself.

Also- is it just me or are people who refer to other people's children as "the angel" some of the fakest people out there????
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Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Step parents seem to think that just cause they are now with the biological parent ( and it is mostly step mothers that feel this way... ) they have a say in how another woman's child should be raised. What they don't remember is that they were not there when the child was created, and it is not their responsibility. Bio parents can not sue the step parents for support... or use their income to get more support.

As a step mom, you should be supportive of your hubby... but not get involved in any way in the matter of the parents. While respect may be a good thing, should your relationship ever fall apart with the bio parent, you will not have any rights to see your step child.

A child needs their mom... regardless of what you think of her... or how she is raising her child. If you can't help, and be apart of the solution... do not become a part of the problem or the drama and trama you are going to cause.
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tina



Joined: 13 Sep 2006
Posts: 13
State or Province: South Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, i am a step mom and i have been raising my step kids all there lives.. my step daughter was 14 months old and my step son was 5 yrs old when i got them and there mother is the one that stepped out and has only seen them 4 times in 6 almost 7 yrs... i do have say so over my step kids cause i am the one that is raising them, taking care of them, taking them to the doctors, here when they have there nightmares, here to kiss ther booboos here when they do something wonderful, here to see it all they call me mommy and they call there biological mother by name.. and i do know how there bio mother is and i did get custody of them! so not all step parents "moms' are bad and they shouldnt always butt out... but...
sunflower you have to have something more than that to take that child from her mother.... not walking her to the bus stop or feeding her breakfast before school isnt neglect or abusive... and the others are right you cant become between them for that now if the mother was unfit like the one i am dealing with then i would say do whatever you can to keep her away.... because there is just as much dead beat moms out there as they are dead beat dads....
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hayley3



Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 9
State or Province: Indiana

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 12:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like we would take your word for it that she is a dead beat.
There are too many stepmoms that feel they are superior to the bio mom because they have the man. Have your own baby is all I can say. Evil or Very Mad
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