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BF left me 4 mths pregnant - Need legal advice please

 
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:38 am    Post subject: BF left me 4 mths pregnant - Need legal advice please Reply with quote

Hello,
I am due to have my baby in 6 weeks and I'm very stressed out about legal issues and what my rights are and baby's father's rights are etc.
[b][u]Summary:[/u][/b]
He wanted me to have abortion, I refused. Left me twice during first 3 months but came back. Left me permanently at 4 months, said he does not love me and does not want to be with me for wrong reasons. Why not break up with me before? Why tell me you love me before, why spend weekends at my place?
I have not seen him since and he's pretty much abandoned me and this baby throughout the rest of my pregnancy.
I had many problems during this pregnancy due to a fall and just the huge emotional distress I have had to deal with with his leaving me. He keeps making empty promises. Such as, we will be friends still for the sake of the baby, I will buy this and that for baby, we will go shopping, I will be there, I will help you. None of which he has fulfilled. He has never been there for me thru the hell I have been thru with medical issues and hospitilization, has not given me a single item for baby. I have been told to stay off work for the past two months for medical reasons and have no income coming in. I cannot pay my rent, asked him for help, he said no. Told him I would have to go live with a friend somewhere. He suggested I take my daughter and go live there, and give him baby when she is born ! How sick.
Now that time is almost here for baby, he seems to think he has all of these rights. He has been nothing more than a sperm donor now. I never thought he would be this way. He treats me like garbage.
I need legal advice on several issues. Some emotional support would be most helpful also. I am so down and depressed its awful.
Can anyone help?
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:52 am    Post subject: Here are my concerns Reply with quote

I have no intentions of being nasty despite the way he has hurt me and continues to stress me out.
I have an almost 13 year old who I raised alone and has no relationship with her father. He has just never been around for her or supports financially nothing. We have gotten to use to living without him and his support. Point being, I don't want to be nasty and raise another child without her fathers involvement etc.
He says he will be there for baby, which is good.

I live in Ontario Canada.

1. I will put his name on the birth certificate, but I dont' want to give my baby his last name. Just mine. Can I do this?

2. I don't want him in delivery room. I probably don't want him at hospital at all. Whats the point to abandon me and make me go thru all this alone and then suddenly show up to witness the birth? Do I have this right to tell him NO?

3. He seems to want to come over whenever he wants to visit and I suspect he will do it according to his own schedule. Can He do this?

4. How soon after baby is born does he have to pay child support? I want to get a visitation schedule set up and sort out child support asap so I don't have to deal with delays on his part after baby is born.

I am trying to do these arrangements without legal action firstly.

Thanks.
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:54 am    Post subject: Other questions Reply with quote

He is already saying he wants to take baby with him for weekends etc. She is way too young as newborn. Do I have to allow this?

He wants to take her to see his family. I told him they can call me and make arrangements to visit the baby here anytime. He didn't like that.

Is he legally obligated to assist me financially now that I can't work due to baby?
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NO one has any advice or info for me???
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sorry I haven't had a chance to reply till now.

1. I will put his name on the birth certificate, but I dont' want to give my baby his last name. Just mine. Can I do this?


Yes you can


2. I don't want him in delivery room. I probably don't want him at hospital at all. Whats the point to abandon me and make me go thru all this alone and then suddenly show up to witness the birth? Do I have this right to tell him NO?


Yes you have every right, only you can choose who will be in the room, no one else has a say in the matter.


3. He seems to want to come over whenever he wants to visit and I suspect he will do it according to his own schedule. Can He do this?

No he has to have your permission to come over until there is a court order, you have sole custody. Unless he signs the birth certificate and even then he would only be allowed a reasonable visitation schedule until the court decides what will be his visitation times are.


4. How soon after baby is born does he have to pay child support? I want to get a visitation schedule set up and sort out child support asap so I don't have to deal with delays on his part after baby is born.


Depends on how soon you file for it.


I am trying to do these arrangements without legal action firstly.

Thanks.


He is already saying he wants to take baby with him for weekends etc. She is way too young as newborn. Do I have to allow this?


Not without a court order especially if you breast feed.


He wants to take her to see his family. I told him they can call me and make arrangements to visit the baby here anytime. He didn't like that.


Tough


Is he legally obligated to assist me financially now that I can't work due to baby?

Not till you get a court order for child support.[/quote]
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would also like to add that your child really should and does need both parents and both sets of extended families in their life.

You really do need to find a way for this to work.

My advice to you is to write up an agreement that you both can abide by for the best interest of your child. Then take it to the court house to file and have a judge sign off on it. Include child support in the agreement. You can find a child support calculator for you state online to figure out what is fair.

Remember, everything is in the best interest of your child. Not you or him.
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you so much for replying NannyM.

Firstly, I totally agree that everything is in the best interest of the baby. And this is all I want. It's just been so hard with him being so difficult for no reason at all on my part.

Everything you said, I thought so, but needed some back up or verification.

We had a huge fight on Friday and now I don't think we can even talk anymore.

I applied for my maternity/parental benefits and they needed his SIN number. I asked him for it and he kept delaying me for days which turned into a week. IN the end he lied telling me he didn't know his number, then he said he couildn't find his card, then finally he actually accused me of lying and wanting his SIN number for some other reason. I have no idea why he would say these things out of the blue.

ANyways I ended up telling EI this and they filed my application either way once I filled in something acknowledgeing that I tried to get it from in.

AFter this, I sent him an email telling him that we obviously can't be civil with each other right now and that all we needed to finalize now was a visitation schedule and child support. I told him that we both prob did not want to go thru court so let's try and work it out on our own. I offered him to choose two week days and any day during the weekend. I thought this was reasonable? And I asked him to figure out how much child support he will pay me and on what date of the month he would pay it to me on.

He called me up and freaked on me saying " I think this is going to end up going to court etc etc etc". ANother argument. I said to him, what is the big deal and why court, I am trying to work with you here. I am not asking for anything unreasonable.

In the end I told him I couldnt' deal with him like this anymore and to please get back to me within a week with the info I asked him for.

I cannot afford a lawyer, and I just don't see why we need to go to court for something so simple.

This is why I don't want him to have joint/shared custody, he will make everything difficult if we have to make decisions together.

I am not perfect in this situation. I lose my patience and yell at him as well. But I struggle every day to understand how he can simply up and walk out on me and turn around and treat me like I was the one who did wrong.

This is a very difficult situation to be in.

Thank you so much for replying.

Any other advice you have for me is greatly appreciated.
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am going to write up an agreement with visitation and child support and take it to the court house and see if they will sign off on it. This sounds cheaper than a lawyer? I guess I can do this on my own and then just send him a copy? Or perhaps I have to have him sign the agreement also and then have it signed off on. The thing is, I have no proof of his salary.
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am going to write up an agreement with visitation and child support and take it to the court house and see if they will sign off on it. This sounds cheaper than a lawyer? I guess I can do this on my own and then just send him a copy? Or perhaps I have to have him sign the agreement also and then have it signed off on. The thing is, I have no proof of his salary.
Quote:




You can go to the court and file on your own if he does not sign it, but it won't be signed off on by a judge until they give him a chance to give his side.

Go to the court and file for custody Pro Se and ask for a waiver of the court costs. Fill out all paper work and have a copy of the visitation schedule that you feel is a fair deal. Make sure that you keep a copy and that you send him a copy certified mail. Then go to the CSE office and file for child support. Give as much info. about him as possible. They will be able to get his salary. Do you know where he works?


From now on only communicate through e-mail. That way you can just print all out to prove that you are trying to work with him. Be reasonable with visitation. And the biggest thing to remember is that you need to communicate with him as though the judge is right there at all times. DO NOT ARGUE WITH HIM. The e-mails may be seen by the judge so you must show that you can and will keep trying to find a way to co-parent peacefully for the best interest of your child.

Always refer to the baby as OUR CHILD. not my child.
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are right, very good advice. I will go to the courthouse tomorrow morning and get things started.
I know exactly where he works and I also know his salary from what he has told me. I know what his monthly child support should be but I wanted to give him the opportunity to decide on visitation and support on his own.
Thanks again!
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Sterling



Joined: 18 Feb 2006
Posts: 77
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angela wrote:
You are right, very good advice. I will go to the courthouse tomorrow morning and get things started.
I know exactly where he works and I also know his salary from what he has told me. I know what his monthly child support should be but I wanted to give him the opportunity to decide on visitation and support on his own.
Thanks again!


You may not have proof of exactly what your ex makes but getting child support is a free process through the states and the attorney general's office or child support office(whatever the state calls it) will be able to get all that information for you. It takes time so be patient, but the process will work.
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Angela



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I decided to wait a week. When we last spoke/fought on Friday I asked him to get back to me within a week re: child support and a visitation schedule. So in all fairness I should wait a week to see if he provides this to me.
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