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New Single Mom

 
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CalsMom



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:21 pm    Post subject: New Single Mom Reply with quote

I became a single mom 16 months ago after my perfect daughter was born. Her father has been consistently visiting her and taking her places since she has been born. We haven't gone to court or anything because he doesn't want to(we pretty much work around his schedule). He does pay child support but often in fights he threatens to try to get joint custody because he knows how attached I am to her. What should I do? How possible is it that he could get this? He also got a new girlfriend that is around my daughter every time he visits with her....this makes me sick and I don't know why because I don't have any feelings for him after how he treated me in the past. I am so close with my daughter and get frightened that she will bond with this girl in a motherly way...is this ridiculous?
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It makes you sick because of your daughter. As you stated you don't want her to bond with your daughter, and that is natural for any mother to feel. Yes there is a chance he could get shared custody. But don't you think he already has it in a way? As you said, he takes her places and is a big part of her life. The only difference is it is not on paper. Calm down and contact a lawyer in your area to see what is common in custody cases in your area.

Your daughter will benefit from having both parents in her life, which I am sure you already know cause you have been taking great strides in working around his schedule.
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CalsMom



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:16 pm    Post subject: Thanks for replying Reply with quote

Yes, I do want him to be in her life....which is why i have tried so hard to work with him. But its different knowing that she has never spent the night at his house and he often threatens to get her half of the time. One week with him, one week with me.....etc. That would be a huge change from him picking her up for dinner a couple times a week/ Ya know?
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 12:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why not try 1 overnight a week? He wont get week on week off yet but they may do a 3/3/4/4 now. That is what my son has for his daughter and she was that young when it started.
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CalsMom



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:55 pm    Post subject: Thanks for replying Reply with quote

Do you think since he works 50 plus hours per week... and I stay home with her ( with live with my mother) that they would give him split time since alot of his time she would be in child care and if they didn't she would be home with me?
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can always ask for FIRST RIGHT OF REFUSAL.
Which is basically that if he has to have a sitter for more than a few hours then he has to give you the option to keep the child till he gets home before he hires someone else.
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CalsMom



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 1:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, you know so much about this. It is so helpful.
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NannyM



Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Most of what I know I learned from other boards on the internet. I go to both Fathers rights and Mothers rights boards. You can learn allot if you just sit back and read other's posts. I did not start talking to anyone till last spring. I just lurked for about a year while helping my son with his case.
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