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Scared and need help.

 
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haileyryan



Joined: 20 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
State or Province: Ohio

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 12:01 am    Post subject: Scared and need help. Reply with quote

I am the mother of a beautiful 3 1/2 month old daughter. I ended the relationship with her father recently, because he is controlling and I didnt feel he was contributing as he should. I am a full time nursing student(on the deans list) and I am living with my parents. He wanted me and our daughter to move in with him into his 2 bedroom house, however he is in a custody battle for his other daughter right now. Our daughter didnt have a room or anything there. When I got pregnant and through out my whole pregnancy he treated me like crap, he finally started to come around the month before she was born, but he didnt pay a dime for me to have her, I had to borrow the money,because I was a high risk pregnancy and I needed to see a specialist. (after 2 miscarriages and a lot of fertility I ended up pregnant, and it was quite a HUGE suprise.) He was there for the birth, but during my pregnancy I had purchased the things I needed for her and I had her nursery all set up for her to come home, before he decided to be a part of things. My first day home from the hospital he calls me and has me crying all night long until 3 in the morning, first he blames me for coming home and not to his house,(mind you nothing was there) and he would not come to my house as he doesnt like my brother. I gave in and with in 2 days ended up staying there for the next couple of weeks here and there, he didnt help me at all I was in so much pain and got no help. He has a past history of Domestic violence with a previous girlfriend, not with me though. He got so mad at me for going out to lunchwith my friends for my birthday, saying I was refusing him time, anytime that he is home he feels I should have her there with him. He works second shift and that is just not possible sometimes. He really got pissed when I told him we would not be living with him and he is threatening to take me to court to get her. He has no drivers license, all of his utilities are past due(one is in my name, because he could get it turned on), and he is in Domestic Violence classes and in another custody battle. I take our daughter over to his house everyday at 10-1030 until he leaves for work at 2:30, and she is there on the weekend, becuase I baby sit his other daughter. This is not enough time for him, he said he deserves more. I tryed to explain to him I am a full time student and I have a schedule to maintain, but he doesnt care, calls, text and emails me ALL day long. What should I do, I offer him time, I just will not allow her to stay the night with him, am I wrong? Do you think he can take her away from me? I have filed for Child Support and I have made some calls to attorneys, but everyone is telling me to let him initiate the court case, because we can possibly get visitation set up with the child support order. Sorry so long, PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE ADVISE ME WHAT TO DO!!!!
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Sterling



Joined: 18 Feb 2006
Posts: 77
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look, I'm going to say this as nice as I can to you, but why would you choose to have a baby with a man who beat up another woman? Do you think just because he wasn't beating you up than he must be a good guy afterall? He sounds like a real loser.

So, what do you do? Stop taking your child over to see him. He has no rights until he gets them through court. Stop taking his calls, responding to his e-mails, and for goodness sakes quit watching his daughter from his previous relationship of whom he beat up the mother!!!!! She isn't your responsibility, she is his and he dumps her off on you. Sounds like a classy guy!

Get yourself away from him now and your child. He may end up taking you to court, but so what. If he does you can expect there to be a court ordered visitation schedule he will get of which I'm sure his next girlfriend will be the one watching your child on his time. But you can also request child support and get it garnished from his account. So, let him take you to court. But quit catering to this boy. You owe him nothing!
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haileyryan



Joined: 20 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
State or Province: Ohio

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it. You are telling me the same thing all of my friends and family are telling me too. I never in a million years intended to have a child with this man, I was told by 3 doctors that the chances were very unlikely, I mean we even used protection so what does that tell you. I am just worried because some of the stuff I read says not to deny them time, because it may come back to bite me in the butt. Thanks for the reply.
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Sterling



Joined: 18 Feb 2006
Posts: 77
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it won't come and bite you in the butt. All he has to do is ask the judge for his rights, likely get it, and give him a visitation schedule. You cannot be held in contempt of court for denying non court ordered visitation. Think about you and your childs safety.
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haileyryan



Joined: 20 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
State or Province: Ohio

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now I am getting messages from his mom and she is telling me that they are going to go to court to get visitation, I told them to go ahead. They are telling me I am wrong for not letting her father have alone time with her. I mean tell me why a man needs alone time with a 4 month old baby. I have offered him time again today and all he did was yell and scream and tell me how much of a control freak I am, so I quit. This situation is stressing me out so bad and I am trying to complete my finals and research papers too, I just cant stand it. Thank you for your response and I am sorry if I seem like I am venting, but sometimes it is better to get a strangers opinion than one of a friend or family. Thank you so much
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jen86



Joined: 06 Jan 2008
Posts: 1
State or Province: Ohio

PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Girl,

We are in the same situation, we should talk. Email me please jenstylist@gmail.com.

Take care
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gmlinton



Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

File with the AG girl. You will get vistiation set up. Just remember one thing, don't trust him. If, he wants to take her from you and not give her back he doesn't have to. I'm still married but we haven't been together in 5 mths or so but long story, I live with someone else and we are pregnant. Charles the one I left, well I decided to enforce my custody papers on our son and we have no papers on our daughter. But, last weekend he decided to keep them and not give them back. H'es not taking Zach to school and now I really dont' know for sure where they are staying b/c I haven't been able to talk to my kids in our 2 days. No police department really even cares.
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missdeb2008



Joined: 18 Feb 2008
Posts: 1
State or Province: Massachusetts

PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 7:01 pm    Post subject: haileyryan Reply with quote

If I were you, I'd try to avoid court. Seems like once the courts get involved, everything gets all messed up. He sounds very selfish and immature. Blow him off sometimes and do what you gotta do. Try not to feed into what he's doing, even if he does go to court. All you do is show up and remain calm. Don't let him or anyone else get under your skin. His true colors will show, such as the fact that he's trying to control you. Nevermind that. If he does puruse this in court, just make sure all your duckies are in a row. Don't let him say stuff like, "she likes to go out drinking with her friends." Courts go crazy after stuff like that. Just watch your behind, if ya know what I mean. Be careful. Good luck, sweetie. Debbie
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