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Father is threatening to discontinue child support

 
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cucalynn
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:47 pm    Post subject: Father is threatening to discontinue child support Reply with quote

My daughter's father has never paid her child support regularly. He has not called since before Thanksgiving. Now he calls tonight and threatens to stop paying the child support that we have just in the last 2 months began to recieve. He says he is going to take me to court because I won't let him see her. I have no problem letting him see her but he dosn't call to ask to have her untill the night before. The last two weekends she has had b.day parties to attend. Am I supposed to tell her she has to cancel her plans because her dad called the night before? I have read the laws on visitation and child support over and over. They say that if he doesn't pay child support I can't denie him visitation. And I wouldn't do that anyway. I haven't done that. He is the one that has not called or come to get her for "his weekends". But now he is triing to make it look like I have denied or prevented him from having her some how. But what is the law when a mother denies visitation? Is the father aloud to stop paying the child support? I am not and have never denied him visitation but he is saying that this is the case so I wanted to know if he does have the right to try this. Any advice on this whole situation would be great.
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Barb
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cucalynn
Be very careful, as it looks like he is trying to set you up to get custody. You must not deny him his right for visitation, birthday party's don't count, your child's wishes do not count, nothing counts but what the father wants. The state does not care if he pays child support or not, dont be fooled into thinking that judges are just and that the laws on file count. Most judges are making up the rules as they go. Tell your ex you don't want his child support and see his reaction. I have a feeling he is going to tell you that she is his child and he now wants to be super dad. They are going to label you with parent alienation. Get ready to look around for a good lawyer, if he wins custody you will pay child support and believe me if a mother gets behind she goes to jail, right now. My only hope is that mother's will get fed up with what is happening in the family court system's and begin to fight back, there are millions of children out there who are motherless, and more and more every day. These so called "super dads" are not raising these children but thier new wifes, girl friends or mothers are. They have found a way out of paying support and let me tell you they are grabbing it. It's called the federal government paying the expenses for men to get custody, also called the responsible fatherhood projects, which pays for deadbeat fathers, child abusers and wife batter'ers to get custody. Tread carefully. Keep us posted.
Hopefully your child will not be one of the children that loses her mother.
Barbara
Wisconsin
MOTHER'S UNITE!!!!!
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cucalynn
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for your response. I by no means intend on taking this sitting down. It will be a cold day in you know where before he takes my child away from me. He doesn't even have a home to take her to. I have never told him no you can't have her. He calls the night before and wants to have her the next day. Yes in the past I have dropped her plans and told him fine its your weekend you can have her. One more recent incedent, She was going to have a friend spend the night on a friday night. We ahd already planned the sleep over with the other childs mother. He called Thursday evening wanting her to come over for the weekend. I said fine. So the next morning I had to call the girls mother and tell her that Alyssa had to go to her fathers and the girl couldn't stay the night. My daughter takes dance classes. She gets done with dance at 7:00pm on Fridays. So I told her father he would have to pick her up at 7:00 at the studio. The studio is in the same town that he lives in. I had a bad feeling so I decided to go to the studio at 7:00. I had to pay her tuition anyway. I got there and he hadn't showed up to pick her up. We waited for 45 min. He never showed up. Its a good thing that I ended up going to the studio because no one would have picked her up. So after I canceled her plans because he was having a fit he never showed up. This has happened on more than one occasion. I am sick of her missing out on the fun things kids are supposed to do because he will call at the last minute and want to have her and then not even show up. He does this to hurt me but what the idiot doesn't realize is that I don't care. I only care about my daughters feelings. And she is the one he is hurting.
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Ipayall
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds to me you need a visitation schedule. Everything spelled out about weekends and holidays. I don't agree with the law at all but it's true you cannot hold back visitation because the State's view them as 2 seperate issues. My son has to go every other weekend and holiday even though the father does NOT pay child support and it's been almost 11 years of this? I guess my personal feeling is that the State's acts as sometimes that the women is the only one that brought this child in to the world and it's her FULL Financial Responsibility! It makes NO sense? I have seen it for 11 years as stated and the father had NO financial responsibilities but yet can come and go as he pleases? This really needs to change!
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ihatethedaddy
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with I pay all. First of all, he can threaten all he wants to stop the child support payments. fact is, he needs a court order to do so. With that he would have to hire a lawyer and throw his penis around in court for a change of custody motion. Been there, done that with the idiot threating to stop child support payments just because he's mad at me for some stupid reason. Know what I told him? I told him, go ahead, stop the payments. Knowing full well I knew he couldnt. And guess what? I still get child support. Dont play his game, he's only intimidating you. You say he doesnt even have a home to take your child to, I highly doubt the fuc**** loser will put forth any effort into getting a lawyer and filing for custody. If by chance he does, have the courts pull up his non payment of child support history...yea he wants custody, but cant afford a child support payment? Hmmmmm...just when I think these 'dads' cant get any dumber, they do.
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Traceys
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good point ihatethedaddy(lol at your nym btw)

I am currently in the middle of a very ugly bustody battle. X disappeared for 10 years, no CS paid or visitation, and now decides he wants to be superdaddy. He has remarried, with stepkids. Our daughter is now 13 and does not have a bond with father, much less want to live with him. He has requested full custody each year since his return in 2002. He has now stopped making CS payments due to his hatred for me. He is currently being prosecuted on 9 counts of contempt of court, and yet, he is still requesting full custody. Family Court is a seperate issue here, but I am hoping that at our next hearing in June, the fact that he is being prosecuted will have some effect on his case.

To the original poster. I agree with the rest - get a parenting plan/visitation schedule in place. When he doesn't show up. log each day on the calendar. Try to offer him other times if he requests a day that you have scheduled events for. This shows your willingness to co-parent effectively. Once you get a visitation plan in place, do not schedule activities at all during his scheduled time with her. If he continues to miss his visitation time with her, take it back to court to let the judge know. Otherwise, he can claim that you are frustrating his visitation time, and it has become a trend to award father's custody based on these types of accusations and lies.
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Traceys
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmmmm. That would be CUSTODY battle. I don't see an edit button around here.
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Flairdd
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First off, child support and child custody are TWO separate issues. heck, it may benefit you if he goes to court if he has gotten some raises since the last order. I agree with the others about making a visition schedule. He would have to prove that you have denied them other wise it becomes he said she said so I wouldn't worry about that. He would also have to submit in writing to FOC (if a case is established...I take it there is) with in 28 days of the incident and they would send you a letter asking for you to explain the reason why. If they don't like the reason you go in front of a judge. But I wouldn't worry if I were you. Also, DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT every no show. As for instance your studio no-show, get a letter from a teacher with the time and date saying you picked her up that the father never showed. They do have a grace period usually between 15-30 mind depending on yourjudge but that is horrible of him not to even call you and warn you he wouldn't show.
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lizzy0228



Joined: 02 Aug 2008
Posts: 5
State or Province: Indiana

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 8:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Absolutely right... keep the visitation and the child support separate. I got some great advice once that's really helped me stay one step ahead of the whack job I was married to. Put everything in writing and write everything as if you are writing it to the judge. When you write to the judge, you make sure you are being fair and reasonable and show you are doing everything to promote a relationship between the child and her father. Give him a schedule, and if he doesn't show, follow up and request he give you another time. Note that you'll need about a week's notice and even offer (if you can stomach it) to allow him to take his daughter to her birthday parties, etc. I did this and that particular variety of drama stopped rather quickly. After the first backyard birthday party he took my kids (to the home of my friends, where I was also in attendance), he felt so stupid that every time I offer, he backs out. When it's all said and done, I'm the one who looks good to the judge... I made the offer and he rejected it. That's what the judge will notice (I got sole custody doing that, which is very hard to overturn). Not to mention it teaches the kids a lesson they need to learn on their own... we can't keep them from getting hurt by a disappointing biological father... but we can help soften the blow. As awful as it is, they need to see it for themselves. Through this (and I speak as a grown child of a horribly disappointing biological father), they also learn to see how truly fortunate they are to have a loving family to support them... biology doesn't mean diddle when it comes to a good family at home. Hold your breath and let him dig his own grave. [/b]
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