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Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Posts: 2
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:49 pm    Post subject: Terrified Reply with quote

I am new here. This is my story.

My husband and I were married for two years and have a daughter together who is almost 2. My husband always had a horrible temper, was lazy, and not the most romantic person. I knew these things from the beginning, but it wasn't until almost two years into our marriage that I realized how big of a deal all of those things were and how they affected me and my daughter on a daily basis. After much arguing and his temper and irresponsibility being worse than ever, I finally decided to end it last summer.

When we first split, he was working as an over the road truck driver. He had just finished training and still had not began getting paid regularly. The original agreement was that he would continue "living" at our house, since he was literally never home, and that he would support me financially until I was able to find a job and become independent. After a month or so of this agreement, he finally began making a small amount of money weekly, but rather than send it to us he decided things like a new phone and GPS for his truck were more important than making sure we had food, diapers, and electricity. Finally, when the utilities were in danger of being cut off for the third time and I was tired of begging relatives for money I knew I couldn't pay back any time soon, I decided to give up on keeping my house and moved back home with my mother. Shortly after doing this, he decided to quit his job and come back to town to stay. He began staying with a friend, and asked to see his daughter regularly. I had just found a job and could honestly use the extra help, because I knew getting any money from him wasn't going to happen. So, we began dividing our weeks up. One week he would have her four days, the next week he would have her three days.

This lasted a week and a half until one day I was at work, after just dropping her off where he was staying, and I get a frantic phone call from him explaining I had forgotten to leave the car seat and that he had an interview he had to be at immediately. I apologized and told him as soon as my boss returned I could bring it to him, but I couldn't come right away. He was screaming on the phone and finally just hung up. He later called to tell me he had no option but to drive to the interview with my daughter in the backseat without a car seat. I was infuriated and very afraid for her safety. Not only could something terrible have happened, but his emotional instability in the situation was dangerous for her in itself. The reason why I left him was so she wouldn't have to deal with these types of outbursts, and instead she was exposed to it anyway but in a situation where I couldn't protect her. I called the police just to see what my rights were, but since there was no legal agreement I had no ability to get her back until he decided to return her to me. In fact, if he had decided never to give her back, there would have been nothing I could do until going to court. He, thankfully, did return her to me the following day so that he could start work. After that, I suggested that he only see her on weekends since he was working anyway, and the less she saw him the better. That is how it has been ever since.

Today, I had my first consultation with a lawyer to begin the divorce process. The lawyer made everything sound so easy and had me convinced I could get a quick, simple uncontested divorce. She even said I could be paid for all of the debt acquired in my name during the marriage and that our current parenting plan of him seeing her on weekends would be fine. All she had to do was draw up the papers and have him sign. I called him to inform him that the papers were being prepared, and he went ballistic. Now he has decided that he will settle for no less than complete split custody, with him having her four days one week and three the next (the original plan before I began to worry for her safety). He lost his temper on the phone once again, confirming for me even more that he is just as emotionally unstable as ever. He said there was no way this would be simple, and that it would be a long, drawn out divorce.

If he were a normal, caring father, I honestly would not care about the custody agreement as long as I got equal time. I love my daughter more than anything, and even though I miss her terribly when she is with him, I want what's best for her. And I believe she deserves time with her biological father until she reaches a point when she decides she doesn't need to see him as much. I don't want to take her time with him away from her, but I already worry enough about her safety with him as it is. How could I ever agree for him to see her even more? I believe his heart is in the right place, but unfortunately he is incapable of being rational and considering what is best for her. He will not admit that his temper and emotional state has negative consequences for her and her well being. I could have easily brought up every horrible thing he had ever put us through and used it as justification for him to never see her, but that felt unfair to her in a way. I am walking a thin line of what is best for her, for me, for him, but mostly what I believe is safest for her, and all he can do is think about himself and the time he feels he is being cheated out of.

I hate him so much for everything he has put us through, and I just want all of this to be over. But it looks like it is only just beginning.
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Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 1
State or Province: Louisiana

PostPosted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Original poster, i'm going through the same situation. I have a 14 month old daughter with a man I was with for 2 years. Now that I've left things seem to be getting more difficult with child support and visits. He is a 15 year old trapped in a 32 year olds body. He is extremely irresponsible with her and down right negligent. As he is a habitual liar with a drinking and drug use, I never know if he's sober or not. I'm 21 and this is the first time I've been on my own. Y'all were married so I'm sure your rights are different then mine. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. I thought we were going to grow old together and have more babies but now it's like he's a stranger... Be strong mama. We will see better days! And good luck sticking it to him!
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