An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody.
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Child Custody Issues
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
stillhere



Joined: 07 Mar 2010
Posts: 2
State or Province: Arizona

PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2010 8:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi
How old is your daughter? Were you married? If not, has the court ordered paternity? If not, he should not have the right to take the child and I would go there with a police officer and get my child.
There are a lot of questions regarding your situation.
I am not a professional but I have done a whole lot of research in the past year due to my case.
Good luck
sh
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
helterskelter



Joined: 06 Jul 2010
Posts: 1
State or Province: New York

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is an article on the 'net dedicated to this issue. Click on my signature to get to the direct source. However, below are some of the more important points discussed in the article:

* The "Tender Years Doctrine" law, which favors mothers because it is assumed that mothers are better, if not natural caregivers, than fathers, has been removed

* Fathers are now more willing to becoming stay at home parents, unlike mothers who want to work outside the house
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
zoeysmommy89



Joined: 13 Aug 2010
Posts: 5
State or Province: Virginia

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BostonDave wrote:
Is it awful when a father gets 4 hours every other week also?

And to state that fathers get the upper hand in Custody is delusional at best, dishonest at worst.

In Massachusetts the presumption is NCP/CP, with the NCP paying Support to the CP. Guess who gets to be CP a vast majority of the cases? It was presumed in my case. I didn't have any say so whatsoever.


BostonDave apparently you have never heard of a mother getting her newborn taken away from her because the father wants nothing to do with the mother and the baby, but his mother does. and the mother is awarded nothing but visitations because the father lives with his mother and the mother of the baby are left to stuggle on their own. I bet you haven't. Father right's organization's out there have broken ALOT of mother's hearts and they it's really sad. They have ruined family's and children's live's...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
loving mom



Joined: 16 Dec 2009
Posts: 7
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Through the efforts of various highly financed Fathers Rights groups affiliated with secret judicial associations of family, conciliation, mediation and juvenile courts, who are united under the guise of promoting non-litigious domestic dispute resolution along with other smoke-screen covers such as responsible fatherhood, millions of middle and lower income citizens have been deliberately cheated of their legal right to due process. The efforts of "well-oiled" fathers rights activists who tap into "deep pockets (in their own words) of federal and private grants while traveling North America, Europe and Australia promoting pedophile friendly syndromes such as Parental Alienation Syndrome, have effectively silenced women and children's outcries of brutality, rape and incest to a vast array of professionals in the divorce industry.

In their lust for power and control, these bad dads have reaped a plethora of praise and manna from federal heaven through DHHS (Access/Visitation programs, DOJ (Arbitration/Mediation) programs, Responsible Fatherhood Programs, Co-Parenting Programs, and other mislabeled Court-Based federally sponsored “Family Services.”

Considering that the recipients of the bulk of the money goes to pay well-off guys who spend most of their time recruiting new members for their custody switching scheme and lobbying legislators for presumptive joint custody (the demise of child support enforcement for all time) and easing restrictions on incest and family violence -- this sinister "snake oil" has more to do with power, lust and money than their insincere pretense for the best interests of children.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
loving mom



Joined: 16 Dec 2009
Posts: 7
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you need help? go to these websites. Educate yourself and learn how to fight with the corrupt family courts, a broken system. They don't care about our children, the only thing that they do care is flow of millions of dollars to the system and to their own pockets. Involving tens of so called professionals and sick evaluators to your life and that of your children. Drain you financially and emotionally. Read the recent book of Dr Joanne king about the legal psychological abuse through the court system. Books like " Whores of the court". These are all useful resources to teach you and to inform you that you are not alone and it is not about you. This is the family court system and the fatherhood movements and organisations who are working against your maternal rights.

National Organization for Women

Cobb County NOW, VickPierce@aol.com

http://nowcobbblog.blogspot.com/

California NOW Questionnaire, Did you find justice in the Family Law Courts?

Mother's Rights

Mothers Without Custody

Mothers Rights - Mothers Under Siege

The Mothers Movement Online, Resources and reporting for mothers and others who think about social change.

Stop Domestic Violence

Domestic Abuse Victims United

SearchMothers.com, Community, Resources, and Insights for Mothers
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
loving mom



Joined: 16 Dec 2009
Posts: 7
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was by default (because I was not served) ordered to have Laurie Olsen Gains as the parenting evaluator she was hanging out in the court room when my sons father and his attorney were there.
She immediately started calling and emailing for a $4000.00 deposit and stated the final amount will be more like $10,000!!
(never mind the average social worked makes $32,000 a year)
I was sent an evaluation to fill out. I was confused all over this evaluation is DR Stuart Greenbergs name and at the bottom of every page is the Copyright statement! (never mind that Stuart Greenberg is a pervert caught jacking off spying on women in his offices bathroom and killed himself like a coward in a hotel room)
I called Laurie Olsen Gains and asked for a copy of her written permission to use this paperwork. She started caughing and said if "everyone uses this same paperwork" and if she does not like me I will loose my son"
t is not only Stuart Greenberg. Many of Greenbergs are still in king county and Snohomish county family court. One of the Guardian ad litems who worked exclusively with Greenberg is Laurie Olson Gaines. After Greenberg, now she uses Edward Schau for her Evaluations and they are no better than Greenberg. They ruin families, lives and the future of our children.
My children and myselfs are victims of Dr. Greenberg. I was assigned to Greenberg by my family court judge to do a custody evaluation. Even after Greenberg's shameless death the corrupt Judge Doerty didn't let us to undo his evaluations. He said that it is so better for the children, who they already are used to the life the way they have. This Judge himself is a criminal who does not care about the safety of our children and decides to keep them where they are to make them suffer more. This court system is an embarrassment to whole world and judges like jimmy Doerty are such an embarrassment to humankind!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
LuvbeingMom



Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 1
State or Province: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 7:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody. Reply with quote

Diane what state are you from? And yes, it has recently changed in Florida to benefit the fathers and the motivation in some cases is merely to reduce the support obligation. So they have literally put a price on the child's head.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SundayForever



Joined: 08 May 2011
Posts: 3
State or Province: Alabama

PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2011 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Every situation is as unique and different at the people involved. But from what Im seeing, the courts dont want details, they dont want truth. They want basics, make the decision and go on to the next case. And that makes me very sad. I am fixing to lose custody of my girls because of money and the very basic truth that the courts dont care about truth. Not really. My ex has found a way to revenge me for the divorce and the courts are going to help him turn the knife. I did nothing wrong and I guess, sometimes the nice guy finish last. My heart is completely broken.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Abeni



Joined: 29 Sep 2011
Posts: 3
State or Province: Illinois

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 11:12 am    Post subject: wow Reply with quote

I never realized this was such an issue... I just lost custody of my son yesterday.. I have a four year old daughter and my son is two and a half. His father hasnt had anything to do with him until six months ago when he decided to get custody of him and sue me for child support. this si so unfair how is it possible that while i devoted the past 4 years to being a good mom and raising my children without any help he is able to live under his parents umbrella.. If anyone knows anything about how to fight this please let me know!! I am a really good mother and I am afraid that my son wont be happy with his dad.. his dad is abusive physically and emotionally and he drinks and does meth alot but of course nothign could be proven and since his parents have money and connections he gets to ruin my sons chances of ever having a good life!!!! I really need help wiht getting beyond this and winning him back.. I cant lose him, my kids are my entire world..I will crumble withiout him..
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
olsencin



Joined: 21 May 2012
Posts: 16
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2012 3:59 pm    Post subject: Yes. Reply with quote

I am a devoted loving mom with no criminal history; I do not drink or do drugs of any kind. There are no allegations or reasons to allege me of abuse or neglect; I maintain a loving, tidy, child friendly home and provide healthy, yummy meals. I maintain memberships at the local zoo, children’s museum, aquarium, family friendly parks, aviary and planetarium that were very frequently used.

I lost custody of my beautiful son to his previously absent father last year.

His father is an alcoholic who has been in inpatient alcohol and drug treatment programs at least 4 times. Has an admitted history of sexually abusing his cousin when he was 16 and his cousin was 5. Has a documented history of domestic violence, two alleged attempts of suicide, and multiple DUI charges. He has no job and is living with his godparents where he shares a room with my child. Pulling him out of an internationally ranked private school preschool program and enrolling him in a state funded program.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Veronica



Joined: 30 Jun 2012
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:49 am    Post subject: A few words from a mom Reply with quote

I agree with BostonDave:
"And to state that fathers get the upper hand in Custody is delusional at best, dishonest at worst"

zoeysmommy89:
“Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.”-Aristotle

The problem with such quotes is that they are terribly divisive. Do you honestly believe this to be true? I know plenty of mothers who are completely lacking in affection. In fact, MOST mothers I know kind of make a mockery of the reputation of being loving and nurturing. Most women I know are hateful and manipulative -- not just to men, but to other women.

And also: "Those who do not believe in love, have never given birth to the love of their life. "- unknown

Really? OK, so it must be that men can't believe in love, because they are excluded in that group.

"Women = nurturing" is a cultural myth, a fable: that's all it's ever been, but it's becoming increasingly so in the 21st Century because trans fats and birth control are destroying our natural hormonal balance (not to mention, making us obese). I'm embarrassed by a lot of the women and mothers who surround me. We are not the gentle, loving, and supportive creatures we are meant to be. Just because a relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you have to be consumed with homicidal rage for the rest of your life. Focus on the children.

Loving mom, you sound psychotic. When you associate "presumptive joint custody" with "the demise of child support for all time" it just sounds like an ugly sense of entitlement to the father's money. That's a problem. You don't want HIM in your life, but you'll take his MONEY? And women are far way more adept at applying "child custody secrets" to prevail in court than men. Women are experts at false accusations. Yes there are mens' rights organization out there, and they're simply an answer to a very heavily biased court system that **overwhelmingly** favors women. Unless a woman is heroin addicted and prostituting herself, in all likelihood she will get custody. YOU might not have, even though you are drug free and not a prostitute. If so, don't bother to call yourself in as an exception. And don't get all your information from the NOW. You think they are your advocates?

A common theme here seems to be that it's a problem that fathers have "more rights." Do you ladies know how retarded does sounds? As women, aren't we always screaming about "equality?" So what's the problem with men having equal rights as parents? The problem is that it offends your ego and you want to be the only person to whom the dignity of parenthood is conferred. You want all the glory. You want the child to yourself. Shame on you. Shame on any mother to whom this applies.

Think of your child(ren) first. Don't be so selfish. As a mother myself, obviously I'm not opposed to mothers getting custody -- EXCEPT when it can be clearly shown that the man is the more fit parent. Yes ladies, that happens! But I'm not "against women" any more than I am "against men" and neither am I "for men" or "for women" -- I am simply for the more loving, nurturing, competent, and mentally stable parent. And sometimes, the agents of the state are not impartial fact finders applying that same standard and operating under that same moral compass. So what happened in your case? Maybe your own moral compass is honestly telling you that something is wrong and the child would be better off with you. Or maybe you're just mad because you didn't "win."


Last edited by Veronica on Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:01 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Veronica



Joined: 30 Jun 2012
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:50 am    Post subject: A few words from a mom II Reply with quote

With regard to child support:

Luvbeingmom:
"...it has recently changed in Florida to benefit the fathers and the motivation in some cases is merely to reduce the support obligation. So they have literally put a price on the child's head."

Come again? If child support ITSELF is not "putting a price on the child's head" I don't know what is. The problem we women have is this sense of entitlement. Just because you spread your legs doesn't mean you're due a child support check for the rest of your life. A child support check, just like welfare, is "something for nothing." Real equality -- what I thought we women wanted -- is going out and earning your own money. Except that it's more complicated now with a baby that you want to stay home with (and you're right to want that because day care will destroy your child). But you ALLOWED yourself to get pregnant by a man who either doesn't want to come around anymore, or DOES come around to spend time with the children and you'd rather he not...DIDN'T YOU?? Either way, YOU didn't choose wisely and now you want to have your cake and eat it too. What was that line in "As good as it gets?" Jack Nicholson is asked how he can relate to women so well. He answers: "I think of a man, and I take away REASON and ACCOUNTABILITY."

In most states, even if the mother makes 300K/year and is awarded custody, the father will still be liable for child support, even if he wants to be involved in the child's life. For what purpose? Chances are she is raising the child in ways he disagrees with. So in those situations I disagree with a support order. An important caveat: That applies only if the father wanted to raise the child. I'm not coming to the defense of "deadbeat dads" who abandon their children. But you are all supposed to take this as an opportunity to become a better person. You're not going to get there by wasting your time and energy hating on men. Men are not losers or pigs or whatever you want to call them. Maybe the father of your child IS!!! In that case, why did you choose him???

Mad Mother:
"Men have the advantage in everything...courts included. They don't have to be good people, fathers, or anything. If they want custody or regular visits, even half the time making children live half of their lives going between homes, then they get it. When are we going to get mad enough to end this madness?"

First of all, men do NOT "have the advantage in everything." Do you know how stupid that sounds? "Half the time" custody arrangements are exceedingly rare. If equally shared custody (50/50) DID become the norm, why would you equate that with "madness?" Why are you talking about men as if they were zombies????

"In most cases, (volunteer child advocate for the courts here) mothers are better parents."

Well I don't have any suspicion that your opinion could be in any way biased. I so respect your expert opinion.

"Men and women are different."

Yes, ask Jack Nicholson for the details on that.

"Women are nurturers and most often the ones at home raising the children. There is a reason for that. However, a growing trend is to split kids in half like pieces of property or give custody to the father with a perfectly fit mother. Is this more of the same old boys network now moving to custody issues or men having most of the money again?"

I see you have delusions of patriarchy whilst living in a matriarchy. When a tryst results in a child of which the woman demands full ownership, the man becomes a rapist, or a child molester, or at the very least a controlling, manipulative, and dangerous person --- WHATEVER IT TAKES. I've never heard of The State not meeting such claims from a woman with the deepest sympathy and immediate protective action. The documentary from Holland (Farvel Far -- "Goodbye Daddy", which you can stream on google videos) demonstrates that the agents of The State need not even meet a man face-to-face to conclude that he is a danger to his child, and also that this schizophrenic demonization of men, the deep-felt need to strip them of their role as fathers -- the pervasive feeling of the absolute rightness and appropriateness of that -- is an international phenomenon.

An interesting aspect is the full complicity of other men in their capacity as agents of the state -- doctors, judges, etc. I've come to realize that this likely has deeply evolutionary roots. The man in the black dress sees himself subconsciously in competition with the man who stands before him, for the affections of the woman. This may defy logic, but from an evolutionary psychological standpoint it is perfectly sound. Men are slaves to their instinct of Servant Knight and protector, which women know to manipulate. Regardless of the invisible cause(s), the state's intervention -- and even and especially every woman's sure knowledge that she has access to it at any time -- acts as an usurpation and perversion and destroyer of families. And ladies, when you ask the court to restrict the father's access to the child, YOU MAKE YOURSELF A PART OF THE CRIME.

Mad Mother: You rail against "a growing trend...to split kids in half like pieces of property", but you probably wouldn't mind if the DEFAULT SITUATION were the man having full custody, and the only way for YOU to have any contact with your child would be to have the court order this SPLITTING process. In THAT event, you'd be ALL FOR the SPLITTING wouldn't you, you hypocrite???

If you believe in the existence of a patriarchy you need to take a look around. Not some, but ALL the evidence shows this country is intensely matriarchal. Illusions of patriarchy in the 21st Century disappear rather quickly on examining the simple litmus test of the track record of family court rulings. The MOST COMMON situation in family courts today is a father who wants to be the primary caretaker of his child but is denied that right because he has a penis. For separated parents fighting over their children, that is the state's arbitrary status quo solution: Restrict the father's access to his own children to every other weekend, and impose a duty to pay child support. Thus every period of visitation is and can be little more than a stinging reminder that he does not and cannot contribute meaningfully to the child's formative years environmental imprinting. So I can't believe that I've stumbled upon a message board of mothers here who see themselves as victims. That said, these restrictive visitation schedules aren't appropriate for ANYONE. My sympathy is as much with non-custodial women as with non-custodial men. But don't become confused on the broad trends, and DON'T make excuses for your situation. Women don't just lose custody spontaneously.

Unless one of the parents has demonstrated gross negligence, abuse, and/or mental illness, the standard arrangement SHOULD be 50/50. THAT is the best interest of the child. That we do NOT in general do this clearly points to a matriarchal culture. And I believe we all suffer for that, most especially our children. But I speak as an objective observer and concerned social scientist, not a feminist. Too many women are good at having children, but not very good at raising them. Yet we instinctively trust them more than men to perform this task in a loving, nurturing, and competent way. We women spend too much time on Facebook and watching TV. We seriously don't even deserve the breaks most family courts give us just because we have female sex organs.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Veronica



Joined: 30 Jun 2012
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:53 am    Post subject: A few words from a mom III Reply with quote

Abeni:
"I am a really good mother and I am afraid that my son wont be happy with his dad.. his dad is abusive physically and emotionally and he drinks and does meth alot but of course nothign could be proven and since his parents have money and connections he gets to ruin my sons chances of ever having a good life!!!!"

Women don't lose custody of their children arbitrarily, especially not if they've had custody for 4 consecutive years. I don't know the details of your situation but accusing the dad of 1. physical/emotional abuse, 2. alcoholism, and 3. METH USE (the holy trinity!) isn't going to help you move past this. Why didn't you accuse the dad of looking at **** and molesting the children too? Hmm? Why don't you throw that one in too?

Someone sent me a link to this disturbing video, which I think accurately portrays the state of moral bankruptcy in our court systems and families today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfg7J9D1BZ0&feature=plcp

"The better parent" can be the mother or father. I am bothered by women's sense of entitlement that it should always, by definition, be the mother. Ladies: When men want to be involved in your child's life, this should be celebrated. There is so much hate on this message board, and who suffers from it? The children. Unless dad is a violent alcoholic or drug abuser, children do better with both parents around. In fact, research shows that children of two-parent households do better even if it is pretty dysfunctional. So ladies, get over yourselves. You need to critically examine why you want the dad out of your life so badly. If he's really the disgusting pig monster you make him out to everybody to be, what does it say about YOU that for whatever reason you PICKED him to have a baby with? YOU picked him, didn't you?

With regard to custody and losing access to children, a lot of men have sad stories to tell, and a lot of women have sad stories to tell. But who has the SADDEST stories to tell? YOUR CHILDREN. I am not trivializing the pain of any of your stories. But the lesson here is that barring extraordinary circumstances, BOTH parents need to have right of access to the child.

Stop being delusional, stop spreading hate, think of the children. Love your children. Love your children more than you "hate" the man you willingly had sex with.

Olsencin, I am sorry. The system fails good parents every day.

I wish you all the best. I hope you can heal and find peace.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
sheilmolson



Joined: 13 Dec 2012
Posts: 9
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:37 am    Post subject: Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody. Reply with quote

Well I don't have any such experience but if you are thinking so then you can take help from a legal and professional attorney like Ms. Simon who is practicing as attorney since 2000 in Florida and is handling and solving cases of divorce, custody, child support, parenting plan, time-sharing etc.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
olsencin



Joined: 21 May 2012
Posts: 16
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 6:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In order to heal and find peace, I am fighting for my son. It's my job.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Child Custody Issues All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Page 5 of 6

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login