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Will it always be a lonely road? Advice Please?

 
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BohoMama



Joined: 03 Aug 2010
Posts: 3
State or Province: Ohio

PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 3:50 pm    Post subject: Will it always be a lonely road? Advice Please? Reply with quote

My ex/baby's father still would like to get back together, but I am done with the unhealthy, abusive relationship, and have been for a long time. We've been officially broken up for about 5 months now, and a couple weeks ago a good friend had asked me out on a date. While I wasn' quite sure if I was ready for anything serious, and most definitely established that, we went out and had a pretty decent time. Everything was low-key, and this friend has been around the situation, so he knows -obviously- that I am a mom, and I told him that I'm still in a healing process, but something low profile is fine, sans sleeping together because that's not really my thing when I'm not officially with someone. He made statements that he had liked me for a long time and was excited for this and was hoping once things cooled down maybe he and I would get more serious. Not even a week later, when nothing had happened, nothing in the situation had changed, he started acting weird. I asked him if everything was okay, and he made some statement about not being sure if he was ready to take care of his girlfriend and a kid. I was slightly offended and told him such because I have been taking care of my son since birth without the father's help or the help of assistance and when his father and I were together I had to take care of the three of us because he refused to get a job. I did not like him thinking I would automatically need coddling or a step-in father figure for my son. Needless to say, the little care-free romance fizzled, but it's left me with a lot of questions...

...Obviously entering into a relationship with a woman who has a child is something that should not be taken lightly, but is every man just going to look at me like I'm a single mom searching for a "baby daddy/sugar daddy?" Will I ever be seen for the whole woman that I am and not just be evaluated solely on the fact that I have a kid? I feel like my only two choices are get back with my ex and stay in a tumultuous, damaging relationship, or be alone. I knew this would be harder, it's not like I can hit the scene whenever I want to meet people because now I am on my son's time and not my own, but what guy will want to get to know me if they just constantly get spooked by my responsibility? My kid is awesome, but he's a reality check and apparently most men can't handle that. I'm trying to get used to this idea of "them's the breaks" and such, but I was someone who was really hoping to find a soul match for myself and live as happy as we can realistically be. Have I barred myself from that because I chose my kid? I love my kid, but why do I have to feel like I'm forced to choose between my love for my kid or ever finding true love because I made a mistake with his father? My kid is NOT the mistake, but his father was, and I made that...will I pay forever??

Does anyone else ever feel this way??
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lrn2oo6



Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Posts: 4
State or Province: Indiana

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:59 pm    Post subject: Re: Reply with quote

You sound exactly like me, only I have a 15 month old and another on the way. The boys' father is one of those that's "going to change" one day. Words are words though. I have met several guys that were willing to play the stepfather role, so do have faith. It is not impossible, and you won't be alone forever. You just have to find a man that is willing to accept it. A lot of men have children of their own too, therefore if you're willing to accept theirs, they should accept yours as well. There is light at the end of the tunnel...I promise!

I want to be with the boys' father, because we've had so many good times together...but, unfortunately the bad outweighs the good. The trust will never be there...so I do not even know why I try. I think that at the end of the day, I just want my "fairy-tale" perfect family ending... I wish I didnt want that though.

Stay strong! Thanks for sharing your post.
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