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desperatly missing our son

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Joined: 25 Jul 2011
Posts: 1
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:25 pm    Post subject: desperatly missing our son Reply with quote

Lets start out with my (complicated) family situation. 12 years ago my husband Al, and his ex Catherine gave birth to a baby boy, Leland. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption but he didnt. So the Catherine’s parents stepped in and said “We can take tempotary custody of Leland untill you guys get on your feet, and untill then you can both be in his life as much as you like.” They were both involved in the childs life a lot. Then 2 years later they had a baby girl, Daisy. By that time they were married and Al had a steady job and was in college so they were established enough to keep Daisy. Daisy and Leland spent lots of time together. Every week and weekend they saw eachother. Often, Leland would stay with Al so he, Al, and Daisy could be together. When Daisy was 1 1/2 Catherine left her. She never made an effort to see Daisy after that (even though they lived in the same town). Catherine never called, visited, or made her court ordered child support payments. Al was there 100% for Daisy and still saw Leland every single week. However, this is when Catherine’s parents said they didnt want Al to get custody back of Leland because he was now a single parent. Catherine had a baby boy (Chris) with another man when Daisy was 3. Leland and Daisy grew up very close, seeing eachother on a very regular basis. This is where I came into the picture. Al and I got married and I adopted Daisy when she was 6. Even though Catherine was out of the picture, we still allowed her parents to have grandparent rights with Daisy. I came to know and love Leland. After all, he is my daughters brother. Leland spent time with us all on a regular basis and he was very close with Al, Daisy, and I. Then he moved out of state (about 10 hours away). Again, Catherines parents told us that we can still be in Lelands life as much as we like. It was very hard on all of us, especially Daisy to have him away from us. We kept in contact of course and he came down to stay with us every summer for 3 weeks. Then in 2009 I gave birth to our son, Max. That is when everything changed for us. Catherines parents told us Leland couldnt stay with us in the summer. She told us that Leland is too busy with camp. It turnes out that was a lie. Leland wasnt doing anything at all that summer, just sitting at home alone. She took away his phone and disconnected the home phone. So we couldnt contact him. It was so hard on our family to suddenly be cut off from Leland. Daisy was especially heart broken. As the months passed by we continued to try to call Leland on a regular basis. When we did talk to him, we found out he was devistated that he couldnt see us. He missed all of us so much, especially Daisy. As our son Max started to get older I realized that he had no idea who his brother Leland is. Daisy spent time with Leland every week from birth to age 7, but Max wont have any of those opportunities to be with Leland. The thing that really gets to me is that Catherines parents allowed Catherines 3rd child Chris to stay in constant contact with Leland. They let him call, visit, go on vacation together. This broke my heart. Why would they not allow Daisy or Max to be in contact or see their brother but they DO allow Chris to do all these things? Another thing that bugs me is that Daisy’s grandparents stopped acting like her grandparents. They stopped calling her, never visited, or asked her to visit, nothing. This summer the same thing happened, we were lied to about Leland being “busy”. So my kids arent able to see him at all, but Chris went to stay with them for 3 weeks. My heart is so broken. Al and I love Leland so much and we just want to see him. But more importantly, Leland, Daisy, and Max are being kept away from eachother. It kills me to see the look in my daughters eyes when I tell her that she isnt going to see Leland. She and Leland grew up very close with eachother and they both just want to be able to visit eachother. It was very hard for these kids to be in constant contact then suddenly have all of that familiarity stop. Al and I arent trying to take custody of Leland because we believe that he has a stable home life. All we want is for these kids to be able to see eachother. It is in Lelands best interest to be able to see Daisy and Max. He expresses to us how much he wants to visit us like he used to so he can see all of us. I know that once these kids are grown up, nobody can keep them from seeing eachother. But doctors say it is very important for siblings to be able to grow up together. I feel so helpless and I havent been able to get rid of this cloud of depression. Another really hard thing for me is the “what ifs”. If I was there the day Leland was born, I wouldnt have given temp custody over. I respect Al and Catherines decision, but I just feel like all these decisions were made without me and im the one left to deal with the consequences. Even though I wish Catherines parents never had custody of him, I do respect that Leland’s home is with them because he has grown up in their house. I just want my kids to be able to have a relationship with their brother. I dont know what to do…
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Still in Love

Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go to court... you can get out of state visitation and custody rights... why are you letting the grandparents make the rules... let the courts decide.
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