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I am considering artificial insemination....

 
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artgirlinpdx



Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: Oregon

PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:22 pm    Post subject: I am considering artificial insemination.... Reply with quote

Any advice or direction on this subject is greatly appreciated....

I just turned 40 years old on Valentines day and I have ALWAYS wanted children. Back in October of 2006 I was diagnosed with fibroids, one of which poses a serious risk of leaving me infertile. My doctor has told me that if I do want to get pregnant, I would need to undergo a myomectomy to preserve my uteral lining. I could undergo a less invasive treatment a laparoscopic myomectomy, but that would leave me infertile.

Why I bring this background up is that this fibroid issue has made me consider the very serious decision as to whether or not I want to get pregnant. My doctor emphatically recommends that if I do want to get pregnant that I start trying as soon as 4-6 months after my surgery due to my age and health issues.

Because I have no man in my life, I have been seriously considering artificial insemination. Before I make this decision I want to talk with other women who are in my situation, single and over 35 who have had artificial insemination. I have researched the technical aspects leaving no stone unturned, but what I really want to know is about:

you and your emotions
pros and cons
how you have you handled telling your children that they are children of artificial insemination
how you handle their questions about their biological father
how are your children handling it

I am grateful in advance for any and all advice or direction and appreciate your taking the time to help. Many thanks.
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stunned



Joined: 06 Mar 2007
Posts: 25
State or Province: New Hampshire

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:43 am    Post subject: artificial insemination Reply with quote

I think you are very smart to have a child this way. no father to come along and demand his rights, no father to make your life a living hell, no father that wants to control your every move.
Alls you would have to do is explain to your child how special they are because you chose to have them. That you wanted a baby that you could love with all your heart, and take care of, and give the best life possibale to.
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MaryM



Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Posts: 52
State or Province: New Jersey

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What youre talking about is a donor. Many couples use artificial insemination to try to get pregnant (which my husband and I tried).

Anyway, I would do it especially if you have a good support family (mom, dad sister) and the finances. Having children are the greatest joy in the world.

Single moms and adopted children are common these days. We have an adopted child and Im sure she will have questions about her biological parents. The most important thing is that you need to be a loving parent.

You may meet someone later. Many older men are much more accepting of women with children.
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julieny2nc



Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:53 pm    Post subject: So nice to know I am not alone! Reply with quote

Although I am not over 35 (I will be 32 in September) this is something I have been thinking about for a long time. For as long as I can remember I have thought that if I did not have a child by the time I was 32 and I was not in a relationship I would find a way to do it myself. September is quickly approaching and I have been discussing this with anyone who will listen. Most reactions are supportive and understanding but some people think this is "giving up" on finding a husband and "selfish". I don't see it as giving up or selfish. There are many children born to mothers who can not give them the love and care that they need and deserve. I am able to provide a loving, nurturing home and see no reason to not go ahead with my plan. When asked what I will tell my child when he/she asks why I did what I did I reply that I will tell them that I wanted them and loved them so much that I did everything in my power to bring them into this world.
I think that if this is something you feel you want to do and it is something you have thought about for a long time then there is no reason to not do it. If you feel in your heart, like I do, that you were meant to be a mother then you should at least try.
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stunned



Joined: 06 Mar 2007
Posts: 25
State or Province: New Hampshire

PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:18 pm    Post subject: do it Reply with quote

do not listen to any one but your own heart. this is not a selfish act by no means. to bring a child into this world and to love this child with all your heart. is the right thing to do.
no matter what the subject there will always be someone who will try to make it sound like a bad thing. It is not a bad thing to want to give life to someone. maybe some day this child will find the cure for cancer, or maybe not. no matter what this child will know the love his or her mother feels for them.
Just because there is no father does not make this child bad or you bad because you chose to have a child with out a father. SOME fathers are better off not being known to a child. there are to many people out there with closed minds. those are the ones you want to avoid, and keep your child from. follow your heart. not someones opinion.
good luck and please post what you decied to do.
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hopemom



Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: Prince Edward Island

PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2007 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just joined this message board as I have to respond to this post. I am now 43 yrs old and I have a 5 (almost 6) yr old son and I had him through donor insemination. I started trying when I was 30 and I was 37.5 when he was born. It was the best decision ever, I enjoy every minute I spend with him, It is everything I ever thought it was. I dont feel that I need ME TIME except for work I spend very little time away from him. I honestly find no down side to it, sometimes money is tight but we get by and have lots of fun with lots of planning. I put money aside before he was born for a trip to disneyworld when he would be 5 or 6 and we are going this fall.
Good luck in making your decision.
I have to say My son never asks who is father is maybe because I have always told him. If anyone says anything about his father he just tells them right away "I dont have a father". I am sure people talk behind my back but I dont care I always knew what I wanted.
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shirshir



Joined: 30 Jul 2008
Posts: 1
State or Province: New York

PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:02 pm    Post subject: I am scheduled now Reply with quote

I am going for initial consultation on friday, and hopefully, couple days after that, I would be inseminated. Yay! Smile

I am 31.5 y o. Many people say I could wait couple more years. They are probably right - I would still be able to conceive. But what's the point to delay? what will I achieve? Getting older clearly isn't improving my chances of meeting Mr Right; and wasting time (under the guise of romantic waiting) isn't exactly my thing. So, onwards and upwards! wish me luck, ladies.
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MaryM



Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Posts: 52
State or Province: New Jersey

PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go for it girl. Kids are the greatest blessing on earth.

Being a single parent may actually open other avenues to meet someone. Many men in their late 30s and 40s have kids from a first marraige and can be very excepting of other single parents.

Good Luck.

Mary
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LegalEagle2009



Joined: 22 Jan 2009
Posts: 1
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:26 pm    Post subject: Re: So nice to know I am not alone! Reply with quote

julieny2nc wrote:
Although I am not over 35 (I will be 32 in September) this is something I have been thinking about for a long time. For as long as I can remember I have thought that if I did not have a child by the time I was 32 and I was not in a relationship I would find a way to do it myself. September is quickly approaching and I have been discussing this with anyone who will listen.


Julie, I am also in NC. And I am a lot like you. I turned 33 in Sept 2008. I am in the process of getting a divorce, have been working full time while attending law school in the evenings for 4 years almost (graduate in May!). I am a believer in the idea that I needed to take time after my separation to heal emotionally (even though our split was amicable). And with school, I haven't really been interested in pursuing dating again yet.

Like you, I had a life plan. I wanted to be married by 28 (which I was), then have a couple years with my husband before we began having kids (which I did), and then have a child at 32, and another before 35 (which didn't and hasn't happened yet). Well of course, my plan did not account for a decision to enter law school, or for the impact of that on my marriage and timelines for having children, or my husband deciding he wasn't really interested in having children, after all. So here I am now, 33 1/4, with no marital prospects, and no desire to get out there and rush to find one to beat my PLAN B timeline, which was having one child, on my own, by 35.

I have always wanted to be a mom. WHEN that would happen, and HOW that would happen, was kinda incidental to me. In truth, I have always been more interested in being a mother, than I was in being a wife, and often have viewed marriage as a means to that end. So without marriage as an option, for now, and my 35th birthday looming on the horizon, I have begun thinking about having a child.

After my best friend had a baby 6 months ago, I began considering adoption, because I saw how hard on the body birth can be (especially by cesarian) and I thought also that adoption extended timelines for me, as well. But adoption as a single mother is much more difficult and expensive. And so instead I turned to the idea of having a biological child, and undergoing AI.

I have only just begun thinking about the process. Researching sperm banks, etc. I haven't yet found a doctor in my city who I would want to go see to discuss the process with, although I have one or more in mind.

I would be curious where in NC you live and what success you have had with this? Did you follow through on this idea?

Thanks!

Dana
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Ms. Lmj2008



Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Posts: 1
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:52 pm    Post subject: Thank you Reply with quote

I'm 27 and having horrible luck with relationships however I love kids. I've been talking with my mom and BFF about doing this procedure. My mom asked me what would I tell my child if she/he ask about their father. Finding this post has definitely helped me make a wiser decision.....thank you all for the advice and comments.....hopefully by next year I will have my procedure done and I can welcome my baby after 9 mths Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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Ginger



Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Posts: 1
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 8:50 am    Post subject: Have these ladies followed though with AI? Reply with quote

I am at the point of planning out my own AI in a few months. It has been well discussed with my family, friends , and obgyn. Like most of these single ladies I am divorced and now in my late thirties. I have so much love to offer and I live in a wonderful thriving city. Although I am confident in my ability and this decision. I would love to hear from some more success stories or even some advice. Thank you.
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cbst5gj



Joined: 02 Jul 2012
Posts: 1
State or Province: Florida

PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:15 pm    Post subject: A.I after having children Reply with quote

I am a 35 year old single mother of 2 wonderful boys, age 14 & 8. My children's father decided to leave us when I was still pregnant with my second son. Although we are not together he does see them on occassion since I live in Florida and he lives in NY. I have always wanted to have 3 children and I have always said that after the age of 35 I would not have kids because I do not want to be an older parent. Here I am 35 with no partner to consider having another child with. I am honestly considering having Artificial Insemination so that I can have another child I so much want. I have been honest and spoken to my two boys about it and they support me 100% BUT the biggest doubt I have in my mind is what do I tell my child when he/she is older and they see my two older kids associating with their dad and they don't have one? Are there any mother out there in my situation? If so please let me know how you have handled things. Thanks for listening.
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Uncertainsingle



Joined: 09 Oct 2012
Posts: 2
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An award winning international production company is seeking women between the ages of 30 and 40 that fit into one or more of the following categories:

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- Women who are considering their best/closets friends as sperm donors.

-Single women who are debating conceiving in various other unconventional ways.

If this sounds like you or someone you know contact Stephanie at singlewithbaby [at] gmail [dot] com with your age, location and a brief description of your situation.
Informal chats at this stage, no pressure. You're input is highly appreciated and valuable to us. ****

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