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HELP, TRYING TO GET MORE CS FROM AN UNGRATEFUL DAD!!!
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ginchrst
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I receive $750 a month which includes the cost of daycare. When we went for support I didn't think of allowing for out of pocket medical expences, private school costs & any extra curricular activities that my child might do. I figured that they included it all in the support. That was 3 years ago and I plan to take him back for modification because he has received raises since and I don't feel that I'm being greedy. Why should my child not benefit 100% from his father's income just because we are not together?
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#1 Dad
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great responses women. Quit treating fathers like a checkbook and try to help them be better fathers. Fatherhood is lacking in some men, but discouraged in many others. As for 'ginchrst', What does his money have to do with the cost of raising the child? Your son should be able to benefit 100% from both of his parents' wisdom, care and companionship. Money isn't everything and one day the money will run out; then where will you be and what will you have taught your child?
Brian
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slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is for Melissa in Wisconsin,

I agree with Barbara, you said it all. For Ginchrst: Things will always happen in life, be strong and independent, depend on GOD. As long as you have some common sense, a body that functions and a will to achieve, you need to get a job and be grateful for what you have and what you get.
Ginchrst, there are millions of women that would give their eye teeth to get that amount for child support (that's my rent money right there) and at least he's trying to be a part of that child's life. Spoiling your child is not helping anything at all, he will only have it harder when he becomes an adult. Sounds like you are trying to get 100% of your ex's paycheck. I'm not trying to be critical or judge you, but if you keep on, you could end up losing custody all together and then your ex wouldn't have to pay you a red cent. What would happen if the tables were turned and you had to start paying him???
Don't think for minute that it can't happen.
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k&mm
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Brian- I dish out $400 a month plus my visitation expenses, phone calls, pictures, and clothes and school supplies. When I had my kids the ex paid $200 a month if I was a "good girl". So another words in 9 months I got maybe $800. Nobody is a checkbook, so what would you say to my ex (who by the way uses my child support for his new truck and cellphone) and wants it increased again?? He doesn't have any bills and he makes 5x more than I could make.
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#1 Dad
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Honestly, I say you should be sharing custody more equally and support should be reasonable based on a child's needs. If he makes so much more than you, I don't believe you should have to pay anything. The system is messed up. Whatever you do, do not agree to change the support order without checking the guidelines. There are calculators online for each state. Good luck.
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ginchrst
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To slbennett1025 & #1 Dad,

I understand that raising my child is not all about money and I do have a job that contributes to our household. My child's father has not seen him in almost 2 years, so as far as him trying to get custody ever is so out of the question. I'm not trying to get 100% of his paycheck either, believe me that his support is not even one of his paychecks. I told myslef that after 5 years I would go back for modification b/c I see that my son should benefit from his father's increases in pay. I'm not sitting here spending the money on ridiculous things, we live a very modest lifestyle, some would even call me "cheap". I know that I'm not being judged, but I just wanted to make my point a little clearer.

Thanks:)
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slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Ginchrst,

I know also every state is different. To me, California is outrageous, especially compared to a state like Oklahoma (where I'm originally from).
Out here, $42k per year is "average", where in Oklahoma, you could have a very nice lifestyle.
I've talked with many moms and I know every state is suffering in the fact that there are so many layoffs, companies relocating, many of them even out of the United States. If your ex (hypothetically only) was making a million a month, most definitely, I would say....go for it.
Your child is most definitely deserving to benefit from the increase in pay, but if your ex has only made a few dollars here and there and he's sacrificing just to get that money to you and your child, just accept what he is sending you. I just don't want to see you lose your child or the money just going to the attorney's and the courts. I know it costs a lot to raise children.
I personally have two and every time I turn around, the gas, the utilities, the groceries, the taxes, insurance, clothes etc. are all increasing (but not the paychecks). I would make sure he provides copies of his paychecks or his tax papers and see if the battle is worth it.
Just to let you know, many "fathers" are winning custody and maybe you're already aware of it.
There was a lady that had her son for 16 years and not once in all that time, did the father ever send support, send a birthday or Christmas card, get involved in the child's life, or even know his son. He evidently got served for child support and cried "Parental Alienation Syndrome" and "Father's Rights" and just like that, her son was taken and the father ended up getting sole custody. The mother was on the board stating, how could the courts just give a "stranger" custody?
Seems impossible, but I just wanted to make you aware of the dangers and the worst that could happen. I'm sure you're a great mom and have a great child and do everything to ensure the best for your child, but the courts are becoming so corrupt (for the almighty dollar) and if we can help to stop any other mothers/children from going thru our tragedies, we will do our best to inform you. You do what you have to and GOD bless you, cause only you know your situation. Take care and keep us posted.
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ginchrst
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks you so much for that piece of info. regarding the father getting sole custody after all of those years. it's amazing to me that the courts are there for the child's best interest and then a ruling like that occurs...WOW!!! haveing full custody of my child means way more to me than getting a few more dollars from the father. i just hope that when it does come time to extra expences my child's father & i can agree to pay half of what arises. thanks again.
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slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Ginchrst,

Yes, the father should most definitely be held accountable for responsibility. Every state and every court in the nation is different, different guide lines, different judges etc. It's nothing more than psychological bull. If one mother has been struggling and is coming to court to get support from the father, one judge may be sympathetic and honor her the money, but if another mother with the same circumstance shows up with the same reason, another jerk judge may tell her that she's "unfit" financially and award the child to the father, stating it's in the best interest of the child. It's absolutely amazing how many great moms I've met that have absolutely been shafted by our court systems, the very ones that are suppose to be fair, HA, what a joke!
Our Constitutional Rights are being violated every single day...the one that states...."To the people, by the people and for the people"....yeah right! Only if you've got $$$. I saw the movie Hotel Rwanda and it seems to correlate here. My friend explained that their government was killing off the poor people so they wouldn't have to take care of them and only wanting to keep the rich people....sounds very familiar here in Southern California (where I am). Yeah, that father that got "sole" custody of his 16 year old son should be horse whipped!! He did NOTHING for his son until he was confronted and then cried all this nonsense. I know the mother's heart was broke, but mostly my compassion went to the son.
It would have been one thing if the mom couldn't handle her son and felt it would be better for him to be with the father, for the best interest but it wasn't! How can a stranger get custody???
Just pray about your situation and GOD will lead you. If it's meant for your child's father to pay you, it will happen. You are one of the very blessed to have your child with you. Kind of that old saying..."Look before you leap". If I should ever meet "Betty Broderick", I would personally apologize to her. She was the lady, that's now incarcerated for killing her ex and his wife a long time ago. A movie came out called, "A Woman Scorned" with Meredith Baxter Birney and when it first happened, I didn't have sympathy for Betty. She was portrayed as a violent, vicious, greedy woman that couldn't accept her ex's new relationship and life. I had the opportunity about 2 years ago to really read and understand her side of the story. The media
didn't really explain that her ex was making about
$2 Million per month (he was a well established attorney) and Betty was only receiving $9,000.00 per month. That's why in the beginning, I didn't have sympathy because I would love to be making or getting that amount, I felt she could be living a nice life....but considering Betty put him thru law school, was faithful, gave him 4 kids, invested 16 years of her life and found this out about his affair with a lady half his age, then was constantly tormented, no attorney would help her since her ex was one, she finally got an attorney in Los Angeles, but all the emotional and mental abuse she was having to take plus really being short changed financially....I can see why she killed them. I don't agree with it but I can understand her feelings. Hopefully you can just ask and explain to the father of your child that everything is going up and you need a little more help financially. Hopefully, he'll be nice, responsible and will do the right thing. Take care and keep us posted. Good Luck!
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ginchrst
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am very well aware of the "Betty Broderick" story, saw the tv movie as well. I couldn't imagine the pain and agony she went through w/ her divorce and child support issues. if he was making 2million per month, why wouldn't she be entitled to her share, both as the ex wife and the mother of his 4 children. he had the power and money i guess. i'm thankful that i know my child's father will not take to me to court for visitation, he hates the court system period. he wouldn't want a court telling him when he can see his child, he probably wouldn't stick w/ the schedule for one. he will eventually call to see when he could see him, it's been like this since my son was born, so i ahte to say that this is what i've been used to. this has been the longest that he's chosen not to see him though, ,in july it will be 2years. he says that his marriage had a lot to do w/ his decisions...whatever ya know!!! it's his loss b/c he never built a bond w/ his son and the older he gets the harder it's going to be to start a relationship. i told myself that i would never close the door on him seeing him, but i have to draw the line somewhere right?? to me, actions speak louder than words, so until he actually "shows" some interest then i don't believe his sincerity in all of this.
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slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Ginchrst,

Okay...so your ex is putting his new spouse above his own son, you're right...he doesn't deserve to be around your son. That goes to show what a great mom you are, not that you would interfere but that you would protect your son's feelings.
It's your ex's loss that he is not investing his time or energy with your son, but your son is a person, not an object. See, your ex is showing his true colors now (as most of these fathers do).
I still think you are so very blessed to have your son with you and remember....he's #1 in your life and remember this, your son will always remember that it was you that was there for him.
He will always have that special bond, love, trust and security for his mama. As time goes on, if his father continues in this manner, his father will become nothing more than a stranger. I hope your ex will get his priorities straight because your son doesn't deserve this, but since your son has been blessed with a great mom, he'll always be thankful and will take care of you in the future. Keep your faith in GOD and HE will lead you and keep a hedge of protection for you and your son. Please keep in touch. You have a lot to be thankful for. Many of us moms hope to one day be in your shoes. Have a happy life!!!
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Joe McQuay



Joined: 09 Aug 2011
Posts: 5
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I loathe to say this but at any time you do document by making use of the court method for CS, you may nicely not get that 450$. They may nicely only make him spend as small as $35/wk.
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Lampard
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My advice to you is get a court order because then that way the CS will directly come out of his check and I don't know about SC, but I do know that in the state of Wisconsin they go by your gross and it's like 17% of your gross.
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