Joined: 08 Jun 2014
State or Province: Texas
|Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 10:46 pm Post subject: Been thinking about insemination for a while now..
I just found these forums and hope to learn a lot by reading all of your experiences. I have been considering insemination for a while now. I don't plan to do it until 2016, but it's never too early to start planing.
To give you all a little background I am 27 and have a 3 year old daughter. Her father made the choice very early in my pregnancy that he didn't want anything to do with it what-so-ever. He tried to convince me over and over to get an abortion. I refused each time and flat out told him to just leave me alone if he didn't want anything to do with it, but I wasn't getting rid of my child. He did just that, made one attempt to get into her life when she was 6 months but that lasted about a week, and since then he's signed away his rights to her. I am glad he did, because I will always believe that no father is far better than a bad one. I'm already a single mother by choice since I was determined to have my child with or without him.
The moment I had my daughter, the first time I held her, I knew I wanted more! I almost felt selfish lol. I remember thinking, 'just focus on this one!', but I was hooked. Once she was about 8 months old I started thinking about insemination. I knew it wasn't feasible at the time. I was making little money and didn't have the best situation. I set a financial goal for myself and a time frame. I have exceeded my financial goal at this point, but I still feel waiting until 2016 would be good. I want to wait until my daughter is old enough to comprehend it all and also get a house first, get more established etc.
Now that i've been a single mom for 3 years now, I can't even imagine how people do it with a relationship! lol I had a serious relationship since I had my daughter and I swear being a single mom is easier! Between my ex-boyfriend and my daughter I never had a moment to myself. At least when it's just me and my daughter I get 'me' time every day when she naps or is asleep at night. As a single mom I feel like I have more time with her since I'm not focused on making someone else happy. A relationship as a single mom now just feels like one big balancing act.
My ex wanted kids as well but I always had this uneasy feeling that he would treat his own biological kids different from my daughter. He just didn't really connect with her in my opinion. When I think about insemination, it actually seems more fair to my daughter. She can have a sibling who also doesn't have a father, rather than a sibling with a father who puts her on the back-burner. Now I know that won't necessarily happen, but it's a big fear of mine.
I really feel like it's the best option for me. Someone may come along, but someone else coming along is my Plan B at this point. Insemination is my Plan A. What I do worry about though are two things.
1) From what I've read everyone talks about how you should have a 'support group'. I live in a state separated from all of my family. Moving isn't an option, financially I need to be here where my job is. I do have friends, but all of my life long really close friends are in my home town, 1200 miles away. Outside of the internet, are there groups for single mothers by choice? I looked, but haven't found anything.
2) I also worry about if something happens to me. I want to give my daughter a sibling, but I feel selfish when I think of what if something happened to me in the process. She doesn't have anyone else. I don't want that fear to ultimately hold me back, but I can't just dismiss it, since well, you never know. Has anyone else been in that position?
Please let me know what you all think. It's really good to hear other opinions.