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new to the forum, in need of advice

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Joined: 27 Jul 2014
Posts: 1
State or Province: Michigan

PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 9:25 pm    Post subject: new to the forum, in need of advice Reply with quote

I am currently in the midst of a truly horrible situation. After about a year of dating my boyfriend and I had a surprise pregnancy despite the fact that I was on birth control. I decided I wanted to do the right thing and have the baby since we had gotten pregnant early in the relationship and had terminated it. I felt very heart sick about that situation and told myself that if it ever happened again I would absolutely have the baby and do the best I could. The relationship quickly became abusive-he yelled at me frequently about very small things and was a bit of a tyrant. I even broke up with him for a while but went back because I was extremely lonely and suffering with a pretty bad case of depression. I knew I was making a mistake but I went deep into denial and continued with the relationship anyways. We moved in together shortly after I found out I was pregnant and he appeared to be on board. He has a very bi polar type of personality, and while there were moments of love there was also a lot of crying on my part and name calling on his. There was a time in the car where I had a panic attack while he was yelling at me and he leaned over in the car and laughed in my face. It was totally evil. I was 34 weeks pregnant. When the baby arrived he seemed overjoyed. He cried for hours and couldn't put his baby down for days. I do truly believe he loves our son. But he is extremely selfish and also totally lacking in motivation. He's a 29 year old college student/navy vet and is also divorced. He doesn't work but does get a stipend that he lives on in addition to his savings. He spends most of his time playing video games. Very immature. About 4 weeks after the baby was born he started acting extremely cold and indifferent towards me. There was an instance where he called me the C word over something so small I don't even want to say it. Everything I did was wrong. I worked 2 jobs throughout my pregnancy, cleaned the house, cooked dinner, and generally did everything. But if I did something that irritated him, like have 2 cups on the coffee table at once, it was possible grounds for a "verbal *&%# kicking." I knew I should get out of the situation, but I was a brand new mom with a colicky baby and was terrified to go it alone. Last week I discovered he had been cheating on me throughout my pregnancy, probably before then, too. With a 20 year old college student. He comes from a decent family so I have no idea how he came such an enormous jerk. I decided that I had to get out of it. I am extremely sad. A child is now involved in our drama. I don't regret having him because I absolutely love being a mother. He is the light of my life, and I will do anything for him. Even though this is incredibly sad I no longer feel depressed. I know I am a good, attentive mother and plan on being so for the rest of my life. I would like for his father to be a part of his life but I worry if he is even up to the responsibility. He does have an over bearing mother who has boundary issues with our baby and I am worried she will push for more custody rights than he deserves. He is a sex/**** addict who plays video games while holding his son. I know its best for our son if I have him most of the time. This is a very new situation and I am just trying to navigate in the best I can. Any advice anyone has for me would be greatly appreciated.
-26 yo new mom to 12 week old Abram
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Been There

Joined: 19 Jan 2015
Posts: 2
State or Province: Hawaii

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 10:00 am    Post subject: Congratulations on your new baby! Reply with quote

congratulations on your new baby. Sorry to hear the father is irresponsible. Take it from someone who has been there and done that for more than 15 years, they rarely change. Enjoy the time with your child and make the most of the memories the two of you are creating. You may want to look at contacting the child support agency in your state. It takes two to make a child and both should be financially responsible for the child.
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Joined: 04 Sep 2014
Posts: 26
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am so sorry to hear that. Your boyfriend won't change and it will be really bad for you & your son. I would suggest you to seek the custody of your child. In case you need an attorney, consult Seigman, Starritt-Burnett & Sinkfield, PLLC. They handled my divorce case a few years back.
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Joined: 29 Dec 2015
Posts: 2
State or Province: New York

PostPosted: Tue Dec 29, 2015 5:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really felt bad to hear your case. But don't loose hope and believe on yourself. Consult the best lawyer to get the custody of your child.
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