Joined: 04 May 2015
State or Province: New York
|Posted: Mon May 04, 2015 9:16 am Post subject: Residential Custody parent's obligations to non-custodial
|We live in NYS. There is no custody or child support order between myself and my ex, to whom I was never married. His paternity IS established.
Recently, in a phone conversation(that was meant to cover his butt and cause confusion), My ex said I do not communicate with him. I have several pages of emails disputing that fact, many with no response from him. Apart from that, because of how he is, I remain LOW contact with him and tell him only what he NEEDS to know. His bone of contention in this accusation was that I don't tell him when I take the kids to the doctor. I don't tell him when I've taken the kids for their annual check up. And of the 3??? times I've ever taken them for illness, I KNOW I told him I took them because they had medications to give them while they were with him for the weekend. (He also claims I don't tell him when the kids are sick and that is false also, I have at least 5 emails proving that to be untrue).
He provides their medical coverage. I pay for any and all co-pays and prescription costs should there be any. He does not pay any other child support, but occasionally buys them clothes or takes clothes from the donation box at work. He has in the past given me a couple hundred dollars, but in the six years of our boys lives, I can think of only 3 times, and I think I'm being generous there. Mostly he just feeds them on the weekend, and buys them toys and candy. Most of the time, if he buys them something that would be considered a NEED, it's underwear and socks and underwear and socks and underwear and socks. Did I mention underwear and socks? When he does buy them actual clothes, it's 3 shirts, and 4 pairs of pants, and hoodies. Or some combination. I don't mean 3 each. I mean, 3 shirts or pants for 2 boys. And MOST of the time, the clothes are either 2-3 years to big for them, or a year too small, or they are just getting out of that size. He'll buy them new shoes only after I have bought them new shoes. Each. And. Every. Time.
The above is to be fully transparent as to what he provides before I ask the following question.
Am I obligated, either legally or morally to tell him EVERY time I take the boys to the doctor, for ANY reason, like he claims?
It's not as if he gets a bill afterwards. He tried to claim he does, saying he gets an "invoice" from the insurance company, but what he is referring to is the Explanation of Benefits the insurance company sends out. Insurance companies don't send bills for services not paid for by insurance. Doctors offices do and I have verified with them that they have never sent a bill for unpaid services.
Why should I have to tell him when I've taken our children for a routine annual visit. Why should I have to go out of my way to tell him what he has full access and right to, as their father to obtain himself. I am not his secretary and I don't even attempt to bar him from obtaining any information he has a legal right to. Why do I have to keep him "in the loop." Why can't he keep himself in the loop?
Because, like he said, his ex before me tells him EVERYTHING that's going on with their son. If he bumps his head, she calls him and tells him. I've personally seen how he reacts and he has even complained to me, when we were together, that she "bothers him" all the time with things he "can't be bothered with."
What is my moral AND legal obligation to my children to inform their father of?