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being a step mom of 3 and mom of 2 working

 
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wendy
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:17 pm    Post subject: being a step mom of 3 and mom of 2 working Reply with quote

Im not sure how to put this but..I have recently gone back to work and have come to the conclusion that I will need to put together a chore chart or something for some help around the house. I mentioned to my husband that I was going to work on the laundry when...all the kids were home so they all could help me. He siad why wait until then when my two meaning my 2 girls can do it now then when his are here for the weekend then we can have some family time???? That just hit me wierd that he thought it was Ok for mine to do all the work so when his are here there wont be any work left to do so it could be FUN time for his kids??? This is not hte first time this has came up. In fact it comes up everytime the house gets trashed on the weekends we have all 5. Any suggestions????
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dawnvolk
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wendy - I totally understand where you are coming from. I have 2 kids with me from a previous marriage and my husband has 4 from a prev. marriage and then he and I have 2 together. The youngest of his other set is 12 and visits only a couple times a year. My husband, when it's just our kids and my other two, has a policy on pizza in that everyone in the house has to eat the crust but of course when his son comes up, he never says anything when his son tosses his crust into the garbage...imagine that! I strongly believe that the other spouse (I'm careful not to make this a gender-biased issue)or should I say, the non-custodial spouse, would rather spend the time as "happy" time than to worry about incorporating discipline into the short-term routine. Put yourself into his/her shoes - wouldn't it be easier to just please the child and have a fun weekend than discipline the child and have the child mad at you for the short time they are with you? It's not easy and my husband and I are STILL working on this, even after dealing with it for the last five years! Get your cleats on and be prepared to plant your feet firmly in the ground. Write a list of all the double standards and present them to him with the shoe on the other foot, asking him how he'd feel if he had to spend the week cleaning with his kids so your kids could enjoy the weekend with you or whatever your example may be.

Start your laundry at the begining of the week, careful to not overdo it and maintain that laundry schedule through the time his kids are there. Make sure you ask them to politely help you and don't ask him if it's okay - just do it! He might be surprised to find that his kids might actually enjoy being somewhat of a help.

It's angering and irritating all in one but using tact and being open about your thoughts and feelings is the only way you'll work through it!

Good luck!
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