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Single Mother wanting to leave state with baby
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cmgg
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:22 pm    Post subject: Single Mother wanting to leave state with baby Reply with quote

I need some advise. I have been living with my boyfriend and our daughter and he has been financially supporting us since our babies birth. We are not getting along right now and the only way I would be able to financially survive is if I move back to the state where I came from to be with my family. My boyfriend is threatening me that he will do anything in his power to keep our child in this state and I am scared. I can't do this on my own- I need my family or I need our relationship to work. I don't think the later of the two is an option anymore though. Am I able to just leave this state or will he be able to keep us here or just our baby? We live in AZ right now.
ANY ADVISE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!
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bsl
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't do anything until you have have spoken with a lawyer. It is my understanding that you are married to the state that you live in and if you want to leave with your child you have to have the court's permission. Going to court without a lawyer could and would most likely cost you custody of your child as would leaving the state without the court's permission. There are lawyers out there that will take cases and charge fees based on your financial status. Speak with somebody at the local probate court, they should be able to point you in the right direction. Proceed with extreme caution in this matter and do EVERYTHING right. Be a model parent, there is always the chance that your boyfriend might try to get custody.
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tlane1217
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am in the SAME boat as you. Except, we got married so me & the baby would have insurance, and we figured it was the right thing to do. Now 6 mo. after our son was born, things are a mess. We dont get along at all, and the only way I can support myself & my baby would be to go back home to the west cost. He has told me to leave several times, & he would take care of our son. I dont work, I have no where else to go, so I have been toughing it out & staying. What have you decided to do? Did you get any legal advice??
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frustrated mom
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What can I do? I am a single mother, the father of my daughter and I were never married, we were together for almost four years, my daughter is almost four years old. For almost three years of the relationship, I did not want to be with him, I stayed because I thought it was the right thing to do for my daughter.Things got really bad and I could not stay anymore. I was in New York where he is from, my daughter was born there. I Could not afford to live on my own. My only option was to move home with my mother until I got on my feet. So, me and my daughter did that. I brought her back to New York to visit her father, I left her there in good faith that he would return her to me. We never wanted to do anything through the court system. Now, he does not want to give her back. I am in Mississippi and they are in New York. What rights do I have? What do I have to do to get my daughter back? Please give me some advice.
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barbara
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

frustrated mom
Your child is a resident of New York. You must go back to New York, hire a lawyer for a custody battle. It does not matter if you were never married he is the bio-father, and in todays family courts it gives him more rights then you.
To all mothers every where never, ever leave your child with the father thinking that he will give the child back. All no good men know how to control and hurt you, it is through your kids.
My advice is save money for a good lawyer.
Unless you can go back to New York, tell him you want your daughter for a day, if he gives it, get yourself and your child on the next plane out of there. He might try to bring kid napping charges against you, so think about what you want to do and be very careful.
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mommarae
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do mom's have rights anymore ? I wonder ??? I think the judicial system SUCKS !!! On Aug 17th I will be going to court so,I can leave state as well.I am a divorced mom of 3 and the reason I left my husband is because he beat my eldest son with a belt left welt marks,shot our family dog in my daughters' bedroom in front of 2 of our children,had an affair with some skank he is going to college with and she now lives with him.I have a pfa on him plus,he was investigated from children and youth.Unfortunately,he gets visitation.(I had no choice)He now sends my son home either dirty,sick or with diaper rash.Needless to say,I took pictures of this,made my lawyer and sons' physician aware of this as well.Also,the E.R.has this on file too.Now,on top of all my troubles My ex-best friend accused me of sleeping with a guy she likes(which,is not true) and called my ex-husband up told him I want to leave state so,now he filed a petition to stop me.And my lawyer had told me they have what is called a Gruber test which,determines if the primary caregiver can leave.Where the hell is justice ? I am truly sorry to vent on y'all I understand what you are going through.If anyone wants my e-mail or phone number don't hesitate to ask...Rae
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katysmom
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I honestly feel that mothers do not have any rights any more. If a woman lives with a man, it is used against her. If a man does, they call it his FAMILY and say the child has been integrated. Now here's my question. Why is it that just because you are married in a state and divorced in that state do you have to live in that state for the rest of your life? If you ask me the Uniform Jurisdiction act really just set women everywhere back a lot. They claim it is to protect children from being kidnapped? HA! If your child is kidnapped, the police say "It's a civil matter" And even if you have permission to move out of state from the ex, he can come back a year later and just TAKE your child while you are out. And then if you try to take her back it becomes kidnapping. There HAS to be something we can do! My daughter- all our children deserve better. My ex (probably all your exes if we're all here searching for answers) is scum. He has the nerve to say that his future children with his girlfriend will be more my daughters siblings than my son because my husband is cuban so my son is 1/2 cuban, but my exes girlfriend is white. IT is so ridiculous that there are no punishments for these men who want to control us forever. Not on EARTH anyway. I know that one day they will answer for what they have done, but they need to answer to our courts too, before it is too late for our kids! (I think i am becoming a fanatic) Good luck to you all, until I am back on the boards, meanwhile I am going to be looking for answers and a way to not have to bring my daughter back to that evil, sinful home.
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barbara
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

katysmom

United we stand divided we fall! This is what men did. We as women are very powerful, the one thing that men know about us, is the way we love our children, if they can take our children away from us, we are an emotional wreck, they can keep us divided.
The media is ignoring what is going, the media is controlled by men. We are going to have to force the issue. I really think that alot of you mothers (I'm a lone grandmother in the state of Wisconsin trying to fight the system) are afraid to fight the system as you think you are going to lose what little bit of time you get with your children, what you don't relize is that you have already lost, if we united we would have our children back in record time.
Beware of the CRC (children's Right's council)They are funded by fathers rights. I contacted the one here in Wisconsin, I must have hit a nerve, because I got an answer back from them saying, unless I told them what womens right organization I was with they would not have any more contact with me. I got told to leave them alone, as I would get sued by them if they knew I was no more than a lone grandmother trying to protect my grand-daughter. They believe in Richard Gardners, parent alienation syndrome, against mothers. They told me that a women who leaves her husband for domestic violence is not to be believed, it is up to the courts to decide that. I have never heard such bunk in my life.
MOTHER'S UNITE!!!!!!!
Barbara Fargen
Wisconsin
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cmgg
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I'm still here fighting it out. I am trying to figure out how to save up some money so I can at least get my own apartment, but they are so expensive and I can't go on government help due to my income. I would like to just work things out, but I'm not sure how. Has anyone tryed counseling?
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barbara
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cmgg

You say you are not married to the father of your child. Are you in a custody battle in the court now? If you are not, my advice to you is to move to where your family is, even if you have to leave with only the clothe's on you and your childs back. Do not tell your boyfriend you are going, do not make the mistake of confiding in any friens what you are about to do. Can your family deny any knowledge of your where abouts to your boyfriend once you are safe with them, until you can get residence in your new state???? Once you have reidence in your new state go to court for custody, it's the only chance you are going to have of keeping your child. This is a very hard situation as the couts are very biased toward men getting custody. The courts are treating custody issues as if the father bonds the same way to a child that the mother does, this could not be further from the truth. Men love to spout off about this but until a man carrys a child and gives birth, he really should be keeping his mouth shut as he is showing his ignorance to the bonding issue.

MOTHERS UNITE!
BARBARA
WISCONSIN
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nathalie



Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Posts: 3
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 7:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have not read all the responses......

If you are not married to your BF and father of your child and there is NO custody order at this time. I would either suggest you file FIRST for custody, BEFOR he does, the one who files first always has the upper hand. You do not need to be his slave. If your BF does not want to help you and his and your child, then you would have no choice to file for custody and the court will either order him to pay child support or you get granted a move with your child... But be sure you file first, ok
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lil



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:56 am    Post subject: Speak to Atty but be ready to move before court Reply with quote

If you can be gone before any court proceedings even begin or you get served, the better you will be. If you IN FACT DO come up with a job adn he is NOT supporting you and the baby...then you've got it made in the shade...just locate a Family Law atty in teh state you move to. The child is not a piece of property. Whatever is in "the child's best interest" is the benchmark for most states. Move..get job...get atty...dont refuse him visitation. Ta-da. You are not a prisoner or any state just because he contributed one sperm ... You are losing your confidence. A free consultation with an atty will help you feel better. Just make sure it doesnt look as though you are moving soley to deprive him of some mandated court visitation...and the existence of family such as grandparents will help make the childs best interest apparent.
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lil



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 12:01 pm    Post subject: PS. sorry to say this but... Reply with quote

next time consider using a donor. Think about it. It's times like this when the option of using a donor, rather than letting romance overcome your better judgement, becomes a safer option for motherhood. You can always get married if anyone is reallyt fit enough to be a Daddy.
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Mickeymouse5472



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 24
State or Province: Utah

PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:59 am    Post subject: I guess I was smart Reply with quote

Hello, I am the single mother of a 5 mo old boy. I was in a bad situation and a old friend helped me through it. I ended up pregnant, but we had gone our seperate was before I knew I was pregnant. Afterwards I never told him that I was pregnant or anything. I was ready to try and find him and tell him, but I wanted to make sure that he couldn't take or use my son against me. I am living in Utah and last I knew he was in Colorado, I am planning on moving to Idaho to go to school and then go on to California. He hates California and swore he would never step foot in the state again. I don't want to keep my son from knowing his father, I also dont want his father to keep me from my career in California. After reading alot of woman's stories on this site I am kinda leary on what I wanna do. Any suggestions are great!
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stunned



Joined: 06 Mar 2007
Posts: 25
State or Province: New Hampshire

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dont tell him just go on with your life, when the child is old enough and asks about his daddy, then call and tell him. but be ready becasue once the father is involved, he could say you kept this child from him and the courts probably would give him custody of your child. With out him even knowing his father he would be forced to go live with him.
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