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Don't know what to do

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Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 2
State or Province: New Mexico

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:22 pm    Post subject: Don't know what to do Reply with quote

I have been considering all possibilities for a while, but I still am at a loss on what to do, it all seems so overwhelming for me.

I will have to write a rather lengthy blog in order to give you a good idea of what circumstances I am in.

I have three children, 11, 9, and 4. My youngest is due to start school Aug 2008.

I am not really sure what to do in this situation and have been carefully considering all possibilities but I have come to the point where i don't know the answer and feel frozen in even moving forward....

My current husband I have wanted to leave for some time now, but due to my children's age and the high cost of childcare I have been incapable of doing so, recently I asked for an in home separation because of this situation but now feel forced to get a job due to his unending attacks on my psyche, but i really don't know how to do this because of childcare.

I looked online and the age they "recommend" a child be to care for their siblings is the age of 11, but I am not sure if that would be a good idea during the summer time when I would be working full time, I don't feel they would really be at risk as my eldest is pretty responsible but at the same time I want to use my best judgment in all of this, as well I don't want to make a decision unless I know that I can do such a thing... Its all conflicting.

I know there are programs out there that will provide help with child care and all, but than you need to qualify and usually it has to be with the mother being on welfare in order to qualify, although I am not entirely certain of this aspect and really don't know how to start within my situation....

The problem is that I am living with my husband now, there is no where to go so I can get on welfare to qualify for child care, and I don't know what to do about this situation, I don't want to be on welfare first of all when I am entirely capable of working, but once again the child care issue arises, I need to be able to support 3 children and pay for child care where housing costs out here are usually at 700 a month for an apartment, and the income I would probably be able to make would only (at the most) be 9 an hour due to my only experience being a receptionist.

So I am at a standstill, I went to a womans shelter about 7 months ago and was basically told that i would not qualify for any of the programs and would simply need to get child care for my children, and would have to have the job first to apply for child care. What am I to do with all of this? Is it perhaps possible to divorce my husband, get myself out of all the accounts and than qualify, does anyone out there know these laws and know what i could do, what my best move is, I really would like to start to work in a few months time, and I don't know if it is a good idea to leave my 11 year old with my younger children, again she is responsible but how many people might feel this is a bad choice considering it would be for the entire day. I do remember being left at home often when I was a child, but I cannot remember what age my mother left us at home alone... and again its such a hard choice to make, desperation at getting out is really strong in me but I want to make the best choices, and I am afraid I don't have much time anyways because the more time that goes by the more irate my husband seems to be with me. I know child care costs are about 120 a week per child... and for three of them it would average out to more than I can afford... over 1200 a month, which would eat up all my income and than what could I do?

Its hard enough in my situation, I have been through so much mental abuse from this husband that I don't feel strong enough to do this, these barriers are getting in my way and it seems such a struggle, the only way I did it before was going on welfare, but the surrounding circumstances were there for me, I don't' have anyone to move in with this time and say I am paying rent in order to qualify and it seems since the time I was on welfare the policies have made it harder for women. I don't know what to do really, so many people out there think its so easy to take the steps from being in such a relationship to being single and a mother, but I really don't understand how it could be so simple considering it seems that there is no opening that i have found yet, except the idea of my eldest watching my younger two at the age of 11 and that idea is shaky and I don't even know if I should even be considering it...
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Still in Love

Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First, sorry for your situation... second... you need to do a legal separation with getting your hubby to move out and start your divorce... He will be required to pay support to you for three children which if you google an online child support calculator and then click on your state, you can figure out how much he would have to pay per month in requirements to his income... on top of the support he is also responsible to pay for half of the day care...

It would not be day care for three as your oldest is too old for child care and would be a latch key kid or you can get him/her into a six to six program at school that costs nothing...

You are making this entirely too hard for yourself... if you want to leave, leave and get the ball rolling... you would stay in the house with the children until the divorce is settled and the house sold and divided equally between you and your hubby... or you refinanced, and bought him out of the house.

Your soon to be ex will have to pay child support for three kids, and half the day care for two kids. go and file for legal separation, get your hubby out of the house, and start getting support... find an attorney to start everything for you...

In all of your post, you seem to forget that these are his kids too and he is responsible to pay for them whether he lives with them or not. Don't procrastinate... just get it done.
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