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ATTENTION: Please Read and Respond

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Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 14
State or Province: Illinois

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:03 pm    Post subject: ATTENTION: Please Read and Respond Reply with quote

I want you ladies to collaborate with me to come up with a fact sheet no longer than two pages so it can be e-mailed, mailed, and distributed throughout college campuses, high schools, court houses, policy-makers, law-makers, advocates, and to people all over the country. Things are not fair to mothers, fathers, and especially children in our legal system. If we can come together and make a good arguement by making them concise and shocking as to bring attention to the main issues we can start making people aware and make changes. I also suggest that we give suggestions on how our family laws/courts can be made better. Just start listing FACTS here or your problem with the laws and we can help each other find solutions (and you're suggestion of how to fix the problem) so things can be fair and truley in the best interests of the children. I'm all for father's being in their chilldren's lives but RESPONSIBLE fathers. IRRESPONSIBLE fathers should be held accountable. We have to come up with a swift and convincing argument to get the wheels of justice turning.

Here are a few suggestions I have.

I could not file for visitation in court unless I had a lawyer. I was told that he would have to file first.
SUGGESTION: Allow mothers to file visitation petitions just like fathers.

My ex took me to court on several occasions.
SUGGESTION: DO NOT allow people to be brought back to court continously over the same issue and if the person is being petty allow for some type of reprimmand.

Child support and visitation/custody are seperate issues.
SUGGESTION: They are NOT!!! It is not seperate for the custodial parent. Why can a man who has never supported his child go to court with a lawyer (he pays money for) and fight for custody? This is not right.

Men are not held accountable for their actions.
SUGGESTION: Make men take mandatory parenting classes, counseling, anger management. If they make mothers hand over their children and go to mediation when they do most of the work then men need to do things too. If men want joint custody, they should be MADE to make ALL VISITS and attend doctor appointment, etc.

Mother's must let the child see the father
SUGGESTION: Father's cannot miss any visits unless they have a good reason or they should be punished as well.

Father's are not paying child support
SUGGESTION: Allow stiffer penalities (need more suggestions)

These are just my ideas. We probably need to start by getting the information out first by telling our stories and collaborating to see the trends and make the info. concise (also combat sterotypes of single mother's, vindictive women {men are vindictive if not more than women} etc.). Then, we need to work on how to make thing better (i.e. suggestions), and if this does not work we must band together a DEMAND our rights! Last but not least, we women must learn to stick together more and not let men, jealousy, etc. destract us. Put yourself in another woman's shoes (new wives/girlfriends). We must teach our young women these new laws. Women just don't know. I did not know a man could just take your child away for no reason at all. Pregnant women need to know this. Also women need to know that just because you get married does not mean this won't happen to you. Quit living by stereotypes and being afraid of judgement and be smart! Sometimes women can be blamed for some of the things that go on due to ignorance or stubbornness (or he won't do that to me). And the truth is that BAD PEOPLE usually ruin it for everyone else. YES, some mothers keep good fathers from the kids but not all mothers and we give birth and have most of the responsibility. YES, there a many good fathers out ther but bad fathers are ruining it for you too!! I emphasize RESPONSIBILITY. Raising a kid is hard and just because a man fights to see his child does not make him a good father. A father is respectful of the mother and has good morals and is a good example and that's what a good mother is. Everybody needs to get it together or we all suffer especially the kids. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!

If my daughter's father were more responsible and not so vindictive and hateful my daughter would have it better but I just don't like handing my child over to him and his girlfriend who HATE ME. He wants to bump her on his knee and cooochie coo in her face and give her back to me and I do everything else. I do resent this. He has put me through hell. Why can't he be made to man up and be more responsible. That's the problem. This will stop resentment from women and men will know what it's really like to raise a kid. Just handing a child back and forth is not parenting. If they make women give up thier children, I repeat make men more responsible and that doesn't mean just child support and if they refuse let a REAL MAN do your job until you get it together. Kids are resilient and are very smart. We don't give them enough credit. Kids know who is doing a good job at parenting. They tell women put the past behind us, ok tell him to man up! This has gone too far. Ladies, we are intelligent and we can do this with tact and class. Thank you.
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Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Posts: 14
State or Province: Illinois

PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought of a few more:

Some abusers currently get unsupervised visits:
SUGGESTION: Abusers should get supervised visits must attend counseling and told the effects it has on children. If he continues to be abusive his rights should be suspended. I suggest the whole family get counseling.

Men cannot relinquesh rights
SUGGESTION: I think this is a little unfair. It is meant for men to not be able to cop out of child support but if he is unfit and unwilling to be a good parent why bother. Mothers can give up their children at firehouse etc. Men don't have this option. For women who feel that they think men should not do this and want child support; take it from a woman who wishes her child father would because of all the trouble he cause just because he is mad about child support. Try to be open minded. Your child's safety and well-being is well worth it. Men won't really don't want to pay child support don't so why have the headache? And just because the child may not have the father around does not mean the child is doomed. Many good people have come from single parent homes. Children need financial and emotional support, morals, and guidance. Having a child around an abuser is NOT a better option and your child will not hate you. They will respect you for being strong and protecting them. How can adults speak for other people's kids anyway?

I also suggest that women read up on sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists. Many of our exes exhibit these characteristics and there are some links on suggestions on how to deal with them. They are a real problem in our society and father's with mental problems need monitored contact. Also google legal abuse syndrome.

Non-custodial mothers this website is for you

I hope this post in not confusing but we msut start saying something. Just start with what bothers you most about your situation. The silence is keeping us hostage.

Many of these father's rights groups do not fight fair and I suggest that you all read about their plans to have a heads up. Thats the smart way. Then we can combat this obsurdness. And it's good to not totally man bash because we have men on our side too. We need them just like father's rights groups have women. We have husbands and boyfriends who don't like what's happening and other men to. We need them and appreciate them because real men and fathers know that the dead beats make it hard for them. Strategy. I am very serious about helping mothers and if anyone wants to talk to me I'll be happy to.

Ladies please be careful who you date, marry, and have children with. Please heed red flags. It's not a bad thing to be single. Men change and the law and society are pretty unforgiving to women. Even other women are hard on women.
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