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I messed up, but enough to lose son?

 
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ginger
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:47 pm    Post subject: I messed up, but enough to lose son? Reply with quote

I am 28 years old and going through a divorce. we each had two children going in, and we had a son together. I had my two daughters living with me since they were born, and he had two sons that he shared placement with ( we would have them one week and their biological mother had them the other) My ex is 16 years older than me, and i guess it took a while for us to see the things that needed to be fixed in our marriage, but by that time it was too late. I pretty much did whatever I wanted, and he went his own way as well. I have always tried to be the best mother I could, I was not a very good wife. I never neglected my children phyically or emotionally. I love being a mother and love being with them. Infact, since the kids and I moved out, they seem to be more relaxed as well. But my ex is threatening to fight for custody of our son because I was a bad wife.. he also said he talked to a lawyer that said I will get nothing but my share of the bills and the clothes on my back for the divorce settlement. I can walk away with nothing from my home, but i cannot think of what it would be to lose custody of my son every other week. I couldnt stand to go for days and not be with him. My ex did say if i agree not to seek any type of support from him for our son, he would think about not fighting me. I am so scared that he will go through with this.... what can I do?
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Barb
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ginge
You are proving a point, in that men now know they can get anything they want in court, and can now call all the shots and hold the kids over our heads to control your every move. I think it takes a lot of nerve to tell you that you gave nothing to the marriage so you should walk with nothing. Bad wife has nothing to do with being a mother.
There is nothing you can do but hire a very good lawyer, if you can afford one. This is another thing they have over us, most women can not afford a good lawyer. Most Judges don't care any way they are giving custody to men no matter what kind of a person they are.

God be with you and your children!
Barb
Wisconsin
MOTHERS UNITE!
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slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Ginger,

Most men nowadays are getting to be rewarded and the mothers are being alienated. Do as Barbara advised and get a good lawyer. I'm sure the courts are well aware that each party is going to say something derogatory against each other and that was only his opinion,and it may be far from the truth. If you are and were a good mother, then that's all that counts considering he was 16 years your senior, he should be more mature but I'm sure you bruised his ego, so expect the unexpected. We are all women that have been raped by an injust and inhuman society. We shall keep you in our prayers and together we will win victory. GOD bless you.
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missingher
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ginger,

I don't know about a lawyer, I have just fired mine for being to layed back. But please don't believe him about not fighting you. I too had a similar situation and that was the threat. My two daughters and I have lived without support for nine years. He went to court Christmas eve for an emergency modification to our shared custoday, stating he feared for my daughters safety. Funny guess his other daughter is okay here. Don't belive him, as in my case it may come back to haunt you.
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DebW97459
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be prepared to hear things in court you don't want too. I was basically portrayed as a child abusing, husband abusing, lesbian, alcoholic, suicidal, lazy, unaffectionate, crazy lady. This was by my husband's lawyer, girlfriend, Mother-in-law and my husband. You will probably be treated like you are a criminal. Be strong, try not to lower yourself to his level. Try to make the judge see that even if you were a bad wife. That has nothing to do with your parenting. It would also help to have witnesses to testify that you were a good Mother. And depending on your childrens age they could testify. My son was 11 at the time. He turned out to be an excellent witness.
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redrum301
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ginger,
First and formost find out if your state is a two party consent state. if it is not buy a phone recorder. Get your ex to tell you over the phone that he will not fight you if u dont seek support. Also keep a log of all your converstaions and the threats he makes.
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redrum301
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sorry...the rest of what i was saying...
Go to a lawyer and bring it all. If your lawyer is confidant then go after him, otherwise cut your loses. You dont need his money. is it woth sacrificing your son? is it worth him training your son against you?
My little girl was worth enough for me to go from my own place a good job and my own business, to living with my parents and selling off all i own,to start saving to start early. i dont regret it.
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runmimirun
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is best to be prepared for a battle than to get hit blindsided. You will need a good attorney. Like someone already said, be prepared to be treated like a criminal. Maybe y'all can try a mediator; that would save some money. Would he be willing to split custody, like he did with his daughters?
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californiamom
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ginger,
When you say "bad wife", exactly what do you mean. Did he specify what you did wrong. first of all, I am from California. He can't just take your son away because you were bad. ie no dinner at 5pm. You know what I mean? Drug offense, a dui something like that, well it would be tough to take but a struggle. I want to share something so important. Anything you tell a therapist of doctor of some sort, you MUST watch yourself. If these people are ever deposed (sp?) meaning the other side has a oral interview with you under oath and they believe you are unstable, the other side can try have your doctor get on the stand. So if you ever feel like you know..s---try to work it out or get a doctor that does not take notes..!!! I had a DUI 5 years ago...The day my x told me he wanted someone else. Well no excuse my 3 year old was in the car...Yes and then I took myself to the police station after I tried to turn on a one way street..the other way.
Since then..5 years ago, 100,000.00 no ira, 401K foodstamps and wondering how I am going to pay next months rent and now representing myself...I feel with no arms, no legs scared..and no one really to talk to. I still have son and will..I have an x that just hates me and a justice system that sucks....
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californiamom
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DebW97459 --yes a gay mom someone passed out in front of the house drunk a drug user..They never stop..The thing that I liked best was during my deposition..2nd one. His Lawyer asked me if it was true that Iwas tapped to my seat in forth grade. WOW Does that have relivance now if I am 38? Hurt me...Any way..To US WOMEN..
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