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Single mom in need of support/guidence - not sure?

 
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InformedMom09



Joined: 18 May 2009
Posts: 3
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Mon May 18, 2009 2:04 pm    Post subject: Single mom in need of support/guidence - not sure? Reply with quote

Hello. I was hoping that there might be some other women who have been put in the same situation as me. Hoping to hear their stories. Trying to be as informed as possible as this is a very sad, frustrating and scary time for me.

I have a teen daughter who has always lived with me. Father is out of state. He has paid some child support but still owes alot of money to the state I live in for back support. He has come to visit her 3 times in her life, 1 time we went to visit him. Disappears years on end. She has received couple of cards, couple letters, couple of late gifts. These are his choices. This summer he asked if she could come visit. They decided they wanted to spend the school year together, kind of get to know eachother.

Late last summer, he informed me that he had his drivers license taken away for non payment of his back child support and asked if I would relinquish his debt to me so he could get it back and find a job. On good faith (mistake), I relinquished his debt to me. In thinking that she is visiting him and I would like him to be able to participate to the household financially, I did so.

I was just informed he is charging me with child support and back pay for the time she has been with him this school year. He said to me that the court was going to put him in jail if he didn't pay his back child support or he needed to file against me. Therefore, he filed against me.

With the amount that they are filing it would not leave me with enough money for visits to have her see me or help with college.

Some other things to consider - - If I only knew then what I know now - - he has several children by different mothers, I am unsure if he pays support for them either. He recently found a job, part time on the weekends. The amount that I would be paying would be the same as a 80% full time salary job for him in his state. If he doesn't pay back the money he owes, he will go to jail. He has a girlfriend that he lives with, they have a child, plus she also has a couple children. Currently, I believe she pays for the whole household.

I see several things happening, basically that I, because of the amount I am paying, could pay his debt off to my state in just over a year. I wouldn't be able to afford tickets to visit or have my daughter visit me. I would not be able to help pay for college. Because I make more money and he doesn't work, plus his state has lower paying jobs, they will have nearly another salary comming into their house hold.

I think my daughter feels guilty with what ever decision she goes with. She comes home, he goes to jail because he wont be able to pay child support without a job. She stays there, and I don't have access to her. It breaks my heart that she has to make that sort of decision.

Anyway, I was just hoping to hear if there are others in this similar situation and what they have or are currently doing. Your input is greatly appreciated.

No good dead goes unpunished.
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Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You need to get an attorney and fight this. If he owes back support to you, then any support order you would get for her to live there you wouldn't need to pay until his debt to you is at a 0 balance. You can get an attorney to fight that you should have your debt put back into place so that he needs to continue to pay that.

Get an Attorney...
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InformedMom09



Joined: 18 May 2009
Posts: 3
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 10:32 am    Post subject: Thank you Reply with quote

Thank you for your thoughts.

I am looking into getting one. I have talked to two here in my state and they both suggest I get one from the state he is from. And to fight, fight, fight. Noting this is both morally and ethically wrong.

This is completely disheartening.
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