An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



Pregnant and not wanting anything to do with childs father

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Married with Custody
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
laceyanntaylor



Joined: 04 Jul 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:21 am    Post subject: Pregnant and not wanting anything to do with childs father Reply with quote

I need help. I am scared right now more than I have ever been in my life. I have been seeing my boyfriend "John" for the past five years. We went through a rough time about a year ago and I moved out and got my own place. I thought things were going to end. I started talking to someone at work "Bob". He was such a nice guy. We went out a lot and just hung out as friends. 6 months ago we ended up having sex. At that time I was also considering getting back together with "John". We were starting to make up. I never wanted anything serious with "Bob". There is question as to who the biological father would be. "Bob" was my boss at work. I started having complications in the pregnancy pretty early on. I got pregnant with twins. Around 8 weeks pregnant, I started to miscarry one of them. Being as "Bob" was my boss, I had to tell him. I was still living alone and supporting myself at the time. The doctor had ordered light duty work for me and told me to stay off of my feet as much as possible. "Bob" was very controlling and would not allow me this at work. He told me that if I couldn't do the work he would just have to send me home, he even pulled my chair out from under me. There were light duty things I could have been doing on the job. I decided it was best if I cut ALL ties with this abusive man. I went out and got another job and quit talking to him. He has ALL of my information. My social security number and everything in his computer at work. He would come up to my work. I moved back in with "John" We have been living together this whole pregnancy. I went into labor last month and I am now on at home bedrest. "John" has been taking complete care of me. I don't want anything to do with "Bob". He drinks every night and I just found out that he has two other sons with another woman. He even got arrested for not paying child support for them for so long. Then I found out both of his sons are diabetic...Which makes "Bob" an even bigger loser for not being there for the two kids he already has. Here is the problem. Last night "Bob" contacted me from a number I didn't recognize. He told me that he wants to be able to see his son whenever he wants and that there isn't anything I could do about it. I had told him awhile back just to sever ties the best I could that I was moving to another state. He demanded to know where I was and told me that if I was with another guy, he would kill him and hunt me down and kill me too. Sadly, I am still residing in the same state as this man and I don't know what to do. "John" and I said we could go get married and just put his name on the birth certificate. Being as there is a chance he is the father anyway. Could doing this keep "Bob" out of the picture? Is there anything we can do? I refuse to let my son around this man. I dont care if I have to smuggle him out of the country...I will protect my child. Please someone give me any advice you can. I also would like to mention that "Bob" is aware that the pregnancy was not going well...another protective measure on my part. I was considering telling him that I lost the baby so he would leave me alone. Please any advice would be helpful.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you are married at the time of the birth, then the child is considered legally to be the child of your husbands... if your "john" is willing to sign the birth certificate and marry you and be this child's biological father, then there isn't a whole lot that "bob" could do since the courts will not easily issue a paternity test on a married couple that are claiming biological parentage.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
laceyanntaylor



Joined: 04 Jul 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:34 am    Post subject: "Bob" is becoming hostile... Reply with quote

Still in Love, thank you so much for responding to my post. You have no idea how much knowing that has calmed me. Now I am having to deal with another issue from "Bob". He has taken it upon himself to search my past. I got a phone call yesterday from him. He said, "So your ex doesn't work at (insert job here) anymore? I was pissed. I wanted to keep my cool because I didn't want to provoke him anymore. I told him, "Yea, he quit working there before I met you. Do you mind if I ask why you are asking me this?" He told me that he was trying to find him. I asked him why. He said that he had a bad dream that this other man moved away with me. It has actually gotten to the point that I have had to tell this man I was leaving! Then he told me that he seen my ex's uncle at the office in the mobile home park that Bob and he both conveniently reside. And started telling me of things going on with that side of the family. I really just don't know how to respond to all of this. I told him that my ex was NOT with me and that I was sure he would see him around. But then I told him that I felt like he was crossing a line with me. I told him that I could not stop him from looking up people in past. Or even talking to them. But I did tell him that I felt like it was wrong. I told him that I felt like he was harassing me, and that I really did not appreciate it. I told him that I knew who his ex girlfriend was and you don't see me going to her job and to her friends and relatives interrogating them about him. I was never married to Bob, I never lived with him. We were never even "boyfriend and girlfriend". We were friends. that's it. So I am having a really hard time understanding why all of a sudden he is almost stalking me. And I do want it to stop. I just don't know what to do. He is under the impression that I am losing my son...I didn't want to take it that far but I want to protect my son as well. If I cut off all ties with this man and dont put a stop to this charade, I am not sure what he is going to do. I asked him mif this was all about the baby then what was he going to do if he didn't make it. He said, "It would make my life a whole lot easier if he died." What an unstable maniac! If I would have seen this side of this man a long time ago...I never would have even looked twice! So, I was thinking about having one more phone conversation with this man to tell him my son didn't make it and that there is no need to have any further contact with me...What do you think?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would not even bother with a phone call... change your number... if you want him to think that you lost the child, then leak that info to someone that is sure to tell him... Just cease all contact with him whatsoever... change your numbers, move if you are able... and hell, if you are able to move out of state all the better.

The more you speak to him that more you are giving him the power over you.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
laceyanntaylor



Joined: 04 Jul 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:20 am    Post subject: thank you Reply with quote

Thank you so much....you are awesome for answering all of our troubled questions. And I completely agree. I will not be contacting him any further. Moving out of the state is an even better idea. And it's not hard to move away from the coast after the hurricanes we've been through. Wink it's time to move on! Thank you again Still in Love for the time and consideration you put into helping others. I will re-post to speak of the outcome of this situation as I am sure others have been or will go through something similar. I searched this whole site and several others for answers to these questions. And I am so glad you responded...I felt like I was at the end of my rope. Very Happy Very Happy

Thank you,
Lacey
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The laws are very clear in the case of children born within a marriage. The child born in a marriage is automatically considered the legal biological child of the husband. and the law is also very clear that the child is not considered a child till it draws its first breath of air. If the father does not have to support the child till it is born then he is not entitled to have any rights over the mother during the pregnancy either.

The child is a resident of the state in which it was born and not in which it was conceived. So if you have the child in a different state, then the child is automatically the resident of that state.

Good luck, and please remember that I am not an attorney but someone that has had to deal with family court for a long time and through different states as well.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
laceyanntaylor



Joined: 04 Jul 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:16 am    Post subject: Update on my situation... Reply with quote

Well, it's a good thing I got away from this guy...I did end up having to contact a family law attorney. I just found out that he doesn't have 2 sons, he has a total of 5 children plus a warrant out for his arrest for non-payment on three of his children! He was making empty threats the whole time. The attorney said the same thing Just in Love, he said that if I was married that the child would legally be considered the biological child of my husband. And the state laws here only give the father 1 year after the child's first breath to sue for parental rights. Then he said that the courts would pull up his own records and see that he has these other 3 children he has never paid child support for and the warrant out for his arrest and then probably lock him up. He said it was a good idea however to stay away from him. So I did leak information that I moved away. He has not contacted me at ALL or any of my friends or family since. Thank God.

Now I do want to say that I am not totally against fathers rights...but things have changed a lot since I was a child and my mother raised me by herself. I believe that if the father is a good man and actually wants to be around his children and be a secure role model like a lot of moms have to be, then he should have his rights...my father has 6 other children besides me, when I talk to him he bitches because he had to pay a little child support (and by little I mean a $14 check two weeks before my 18th birthday)...I just want to tell him that it was his choice to have the kids...no one put a gun to his head and made him do it. You have to be responsible for your actions and from what I can tell, men are wanting to be part of their kid's life's so they don't have to pay child support? That is sick. And it makes me sad for the children. I think this was what happened in my situation...I did find it a little strange that he "wanted" to be a part of my sons life, but has never made the effort to have contact with or a relationship with his other sons "The only one's I knew about that is" And I was present many times when they would try to contact him...He is paying child support for those two...I even helped him find them on MySpace and he never bothered with them? I just found it a little odd. And I will say that it is a little un-nerving that he was hiding three other kids, you never know what you are getting yourself into I guess...We live in a world today where we have to google potential mates! I should have done that to begin with! You just can't trust anyone anymore...it's so sad. Sad
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Married with Custody All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login