Joined: 03 Aug 2010
State or Province: Ohio
|Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 5:47 pm Post subject: Please help, SM,not married to dead beat, take him to court?
|What are his rights? What are mine??? Please help, thank you all.
I'm a single mom in Ohio, and I'm really needing some help. First off, I've been an IDIOT for the past two years taking a lot of crap from a man I should not have been with. He is not bad with my son, but he's not good. When we were together he quit his job 2 months into my pregnancy, mooched, stole money from me, cheated on me...yes, I was so incredibly stupid for staying, and it gets worse...and he lied to me about going out and partying...he lied about a lot of things. He did not work for over a year, and during that time he only watched our son for one of two days, and this was when he wasliving under my roof. Everything was in my name, he paid me a total of 200 dollars over the past two years, in cash, no receipts, he got the cops called on us twice for screaming and yelling, punched holes in my apartments walls, never left bruises, but he pushed me down a couple times *which he says is justified bc I slapped him in the face once for saying something horrible*...he's said a lot of horrible things, been manipulative, the list goes on and on...
I kicked him out 2 1/2 months ago after he started another awful screaming match.
Now he finally has a job, has been working part time for 4 months, and puts about 80 dollars a month in diapers and baby food, and watches my son for a while on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays while I'm at work. Well we got into it and I just hung y head as he screamed and flipped and told me to "screw off find someone else to watch your kid" etc because he tried to get frisky one night and I told him to not because we were not together anymore and I'm not comfortable with "eff buddies" or what have you.
Now he wants to take me to court.
His name is NOT on the birth certificate. He does not have a stable place to live, he couch surfs none of the cash transactions were documented, and I know for a fact if he's drug tested it will test positive. He has a drug charge on his record from 4 years ago, would that come into play? He can't get an apartment because he broke a lease and was evicted from somewhere else, doesn't pay on anything, no car, etc... I don't know if it matters, maybe to prove irresponsibility or lack of care and concern, that he only ever dropped off three job applications while we were together, and he quit his last job before he stopped working. He just stopped going. He has another kid out there that he does not take care of, BUT he's not on the birth certificate, but he's had knowledge that kid exists, he's been around and then just stopped being around him, and blames that other child's mother. The mother was no saint by any means, and that kid has been a ward of the state for a year now, but my ex has done nothing to prove paternity and get him, like he's been saying for 2 years he's going to do...can it be proven he never did anything about that kid, to prove lack of responsibility, or is that irrelevent bc it's a separate case? He's also 29 years old.
I am 23 years old, I have never been fired. I have worked for the same insurance company for four years, going on five, everything has been in my name, I have paid for everything, nothing on my record, good reputation, etc. Will this all work in my favor? I know nothing about his rights or mine.
I'm really afraid I messed up because I bought into his lies that he was going to try to be a better person, and I was so stupid for staying this long. I was even more stupid for not documenting these incidents. No, he has not flipped out on our 16 month old, but he has screamed at me in front of our 16 month old, but there's nothing to prove that. I didn't document anything, and unless my landlord acts as witness to the holes in the walls at the old apartment, I'm afraid I won't be able to get this man out of my son's life. I've seen how my ex's father treats his sister's kid, he's not physically abusive but he screams and says hurtful things, and that kid is developing anger issues...I'm afraid when my son gets older his father will scream at him the way that he's screamed at me, and the way his father screamed at him.
I'm hoping he just walks away like he does with everything else, because I don't want him around, but I made it easy for him to have a bond with my child, way too easy, and now I'm afraid he WILL stick around. But it's my fault I never should have gotten mixed up with him, but I've seen his angry nature and I don't ever want him to treat my son the way he's treated me. My ex says it's all my fault and it's just me he treats this way because I'm (___insert whatever curse word you like___) and noone else pisses him off the way I do. I think there's enough reason to want him to go away, but am I wrong? Should I let my son see his father? I'm not sure what ground rules to put down, I don't want to be a jerk, but he's been pretty awful and I don't feel that he's proved he should have a right to my son. Do I have a right to prevent my son from seeing his father because he's treated me in such a way? My ex keeps telling me that his relationship with his son has nothing to do with me...should I take him to court and let the law decide?
What do I do? Is there anything I can do?