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Does anyone else ever feel conflicted?

 
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BohoMama



Joined: 03 Aug 2010
Posts: 3
State or Province: Ohio

PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 6:44 pm    Post subject: Does anyone else ever feel conflicted? Reply with quote

I can't be the only out there, right?

I'm a younger mother, not the youngest out there, but I had my child during the peak of my exploration days. I was an artist, wild, alive, and I'm have a hard time getting back to ME, if that makes sense. I feel like everything completely halted when I had my son. Please do NOT get me wrong, I love my son, he is an absolutely wonderful little toddler, but I constantly feel stressed, I hate always having to say "No, sorry, I can't see you, can't go out, can't do it, no" etc, and the random once in a blue moon when I get a break from the 10 hr work days and the bedtime fighting matches with my 16 month old, I'm still so paranoid and stressed out over my kid that I forget how to have a good time. Or the good time feels bittersweet because I know there's a time limit on it. Then I feel horribly guilty for feeling this way at all, and it makes the whole situation even worse...I don't know. It also really bothers me knowing that the guy who helped create our son is off partying and doing God knows what. No, I don't want to be doing what he is doing, but I hate knowing that he has the freedom to do whatever. That I feel I'm just turning into this stressed out fuddy duddy that just goes to work and comes home and all I have to talk about is my boy and my job. I had hobbies and interests and was incredibly social and now everything has stopped. I have been trying to keep a positive outlook on things, and maybe I'm just having a downer day, but I miss feeling like me. I don't feel I get to be me anymore because now I have to look like a mom and act like a mom, and I constantly have my own mother riding me, watching my every move telling me everything I'm doing is wrong and when she had kids-which started WAY after I had my son-she gave up friends and gave up everything because it's what has to be done...I don't want my son to be a screwed up person, but I also am sick of feeling dead inside because I've given up everything I've loved. I'm trying to learn to balance it out, I don't know why I feel this way, I used to be such a positive person about everything...does it get easier when the child becomes more self sufficient? I'm so sorry this sounds like a pity party, I just don't know what to do, and I sound horribly selfish, and I just hate feeling like even though I'm doing what I need to to take care of him I'm still going to screw up with him because I'm not happy and I want to be happy...are there working mothers out there that found ways to unwind and get back into your passions and hobbies and revive a zest for life?? I know your kid is supposed to be your entire life, my mother has been telling me that my whole life, but I keep thinking maybe if she took a little time for her when we were younger she wouldn't be so wound tight and pissed off all of the time...am I nuts? Do I even have a right to feel this way because I made my choice and did this to myself?
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lokey89



Joined: 12 Aug 2010
Posts: 3
State or Province: Michigan

PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i feel the same way all the time and no i dont think ur wrong for feeling this way. I love my daughter too but i just wish i could pack up and go where i want when i want without it taking an extra hour getting her ready to go out for 5 minutes.
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Ladyny212



Joined: 08 Oct 2010
Posts: 3
State or Province: New York

PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:35 am    Post subject: Dear Boho Mom Reply with quote

IM SOOOOO GLAD THAT YOU POSTED THIS!!! I've been feeling this way for soooo long. I have a son who is 2 years old and from the day I found out I was pregnant my life came to a hault. Not only am I raising my son alone, I even had to work up until I was 9 months pregnant because my sons dad felt that it was easier for him to just collect public assistance. Not to mention that my job consisted of me standing on my feet for 10 hours a day six days a week, and everysince I had my baby its been worse. Also, I dont know if this happened to you but I seemed to lose all my friends when I had a kid, its like they all ran away from me like I had the plague, which is weird because I am one of the oldest, Im 24, and the people I hung out with range fro 19-24 and they all have two children whereas I only have the one. I see myself asking, can I send him back? Please? I love my child dearly, but it gets really hard and my mother prohibits me from leaving him in the care of anyone besides herself, even though she refuses to take care of him unless I am working. My advice is this: If you have any family or friends who have children and you trust take 2 days out the month and watch each others kids.
I.E.She takes the first weekend and watches your son and her kid and you take the second weekend and watch both kids. The reason I say take 2 days is because if you take one than you feel like you have to rush everything that is bottled up inside and let it go that one day, but if you take 2 such as leaving him there friday night and picking him up sunday morning, than you still can spend sunday with your son and have Friday, and Saturday alone so that you can relax. Remember that everyone needs a break no one is Superman! Also dont get upset at ever little thing that he does and think that its a personal attack. He is still a baby and he doesnot understand that when he spills his juice it means that mommy has to spend time cleaning it up. I hope that this helps.
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mummytravel



Joined: 04 Nov 2010
Posts: 1
State or Province: Saskatchewan

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 4:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear friends,
I understand you perfectly well. I am a separated mother with a two years old boy. I have help (my mum), but of course, she can not take care of him all the time. It is really hard to be alone with a child, but not impossible. This is the reason we have created our www.mummytravel.es I encourage you to visit it. We are in San Sebastian, Spain, and when we decided to create this company, it was because we think that there a lot of single mothers around the world, who don't have time to relax for a while, and even to have holidays alone with their childre, because it is difficult. Pleasem, visit our website and if you have time, come to Spain!!!! We try to make the stay unforgettable!!! And good luck to everyone!!! Silvia
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jounderw



Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 5
State or Province: Indiana

PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 7:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get this feeling all the time. I do not think that you can consider yourself a mother if at some point you don't get this feeling. Its absolutely normal and that is part of why parenting can be so darn hard. You will be ok and know that there are millions of moms like you out there and you are only human.
Family Leisure
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