An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



Surprise!!

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Child Custody Issues
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
katysmom
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:43 pm    Post subject: Surprise!! Reply with quote

My son and I were watching Kipper, and there was a knock on the door this morning. It was the county sheriff, which is odd, since the MPs have jurisdiction on the base. He handed me papers and told me to read them very carefully. Guess what the ex did this time!!! He got a restraining order against me. He claims on 6/20 I called to talk to our daughter and... (Excerpt from his affadavit) "She told [her] she was going to kill the petitioner and his wife. She then went on to say she was going to drive to Minnesota with a gun and kill the petitioner and his wife, then take Katherine (our daughter) and Jack (the petitioner's dog) back home with her... Since the divorce there have been threats, but none this specific, just "watch your back" and "accidents happen."

Is this too much or what? Want to hear the irony? This was brought on because a few weeks ago when she was visiting me, she kept talking about dying (he showed her the lion king, and she's 4... so...) she asked me where she would live if her daddy died. I told her she would live with me. She asked if her dog could come, and I said no, but Karen (his wife's mother) would take him. I also told her not to worry about death, nothing is going to happen to her daddy, and she said "but you'll die soon. Grammie (her dad's crazy mom) told me she's going to kill you." I told her that was silly, that nothing is going to happen to me, and not to cry. I told my husband, but no one else. After her visit with me, she went to my mom's where she asked her if she had babies that were dead in her house. My mom said no, why? And Kate said "Cause Nikki (ex's wife) said you have skeletons in your closet. And Grammie laughed and said you are going to die soon." Another time a tearful Katy needs to be comforted. Then, my dad was driving her back to Minnesota and she told him her Grammie had told Grampy that she was going to kill me and my mom. By this time, my dad was over the edge (for him, which is like mildly angry for other people) and he told my ex when he dropped her off what she's been saying. My ex said "Oh I'll talk to my mom" and the next day said he talked to her and she denied anything. So... 3 weeks of avoiding my calls (He says they were on their honeymoon and no he could NOT have given me a number to reach my daughter, that is none of my business)and finally when he ALLOWS me to talk to her, there is now a restraining order against me. Well, just so you all know I have FINALLY found an attorney, and I'm not going to sit and take this! I don't own a gun, nor would I ever say anything like that, much less to a 4 year old. And when his order is denied, I will be suing him for slander or defamimation of character, and I hope he's charged with pergury. But here's something to think about... do you know how hard it is for a woman who is being abused to get a restraining order? But a man can pick one up like a slurpee... for things he claims were said on a phone with no evidence, and against someone who lives 800 miles away. There's justice and the american way. I'll keep you posted.
Back to top
slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Katysmom,

Yes, I believe we can all believe you even if it's so crazy and incomprehensible. We've all been thru the ringer and tried to make sense out it, but there is no rationalization.

Here, you and your family are having more or less death threats presented to you, scaring your poor innocent daughter, ex and his family are playing head games on you and now you get served with the restraining order. I guess these crazy things just never cease to amaze me.

I've been on this board since 2003, just when I think I've seen and heard everything and been there and done that, someone else comes up with even more absurd and trust me...this is absurd.

You are very correct in the statement that it is hard for an abused woman to get a restraining order but the criminal that does the crime can get one like a slurpee. Please explain to me how this is the American justice system working!

I admit, I'm bitter because my battle has been on going for 8 years and these courts ignore the ones that should be getting protection. They take the children without any regards for their feelings. I have met some great moms that have really helped and encouraged me and upon hearing their stories, I just get more angry. These moms did absolutely NOTHING wrong, nor did the innocent children and yet they got placed into custody of these pathetic losers.

Hang in there Katysmom. I'm still praying for all of us. I don't believe there's American justice but I most certainly believe there's GOD's justice and HE will take care of them all in good timing. I used to have faith in our system, but it's failed too many times.

How can he be getting a restraining order on you when it's been him, his wife, his parents and so forth making slanderous remarks against you and your family? That makes NO sense whatsoever but it's not that I don't believe you, trust me I do, it's just that's the reason I don't have faith in our current judicial system. It's up to all of us to stick together, unite, fight and rally against this sort of monstrosity.

Keep us posted and see if you can get a restraining order against him and his family since they are making disparraging and threatning remarks against you. Evidently he abused you or you would have possibly stayed with him, right?
He is definitely putting fear into your child with those kinds of comments, that's cruel.

GOD bless and hang in there. slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Back to top
Traceys
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

slbennett1025 wrote:
How can he be getting a restraining order on you when it's been him, his wife, his parents and so forth making slanderous remarks against you and your family? That makes NO sense whatsoever.
HA! Agreed. I have been through this exact scenario, and it has been a horrible experience, but it was also an eyeopener into our judicial system. I have always been a law abiding citizen, one who believed in the court system, and justice. No longer.

My X pulled the same trick, filing a restraining order against me, claiming that I had told him on the phone that I was going to kill him and his new wife, and was planning on keying his new car. Puhleeze...anyone who even knows me knows that I would never threaten to kill someone. I thought the whole thing was hilarious, and I figured, what the heck, bring it on, there is no validity to his accusations.

Well, the Judge decided that due to our high conflict relationship at the time, it would be beneficial to limit our contact to strickly in regards to the health, welfare and education of our daughter. I was great with that, until...
Each time I would talk to X regarding our child, he would then call the police, claiming that I began calling him names and/or harrassing him in some way. He started calling my home, trying to instigate some type of conflict so that he could call the police. Eventually, they got tired of filing reports against me that X was falsely accusing me of, and the DA decided to prosecute me on 2 charges of violating a restraining order to appease the "victim". The charges ended up being dropped due to lack of evidence. Stepmom cofronted me on a pickup day, and she ended up physically attacking me, punching me in the face, in front of my daughter. I filed an Ex Parte hearing to discuss this violence, and per court instruction, I must inform the other party of the hearing. I did so, and he called the police on me, claiming that I was calling to harass him again. I was arrested, and spent 2 days in jail. Once I was released, the charges ended up being dropped, but the damage had been done.

When we appear in Family Court, X has a sob story that I refuse to contact him in regards to daughters medical appts, education, etc. When I do so as Family Court orders, X then files a violation of restraining order against me. I am caught in the middle of this ridiculous battle that he is waging against me throught the courts.

I feel for you Katysmom. I know what you are going through. All I can do is give you words of encouragement, and hope that all works out well for you. Let us know what the outcome is. Good luck to you.
Back to top
slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Traceys,

Welcome to Hell America. There is really no particular city or state as it is nationwide.

I feel for both you and Katysmom and the other millions of moms that have endured the same BS.

Isn't it funny that they will "believe" their lies and deception but yet make a criminal out of a decent, law abiding, good person.

I get so angry because of the injustices. My ex left a very "colorful" message on my voicemail using the "F" word 12 times in the course of the message and calling me an a, b and a c. Dork ex is trying to obtain a restraining order on me to keep away from his house, his vehicles, his place of employment and the children's school but yet I have been too busy minding my own business, living in a separate county and his main reason is that...."Susan never knows where she's going or what she wants to do, so someone with her state of mind might inflict harm or damage". I just laughed. Yeah moms, I just "might" rob a bank or I "might" just decide to move, or I "might" just decide I want a different career or outfit. Lord have mercy (LOL).

I have had several restraining orders against him because of his violent tendencies, case and point, kicking in doors, breaking into screen windows, assaulting me on previous occasions.

The courts have honored it but his main reason for getting it was to try and pretend he had valid reasons. I'm not the one that's out of control or leaving nasty messages. I'm above that.
He's scared and grasping at any straw that he feels he would have a chance at.

I loved it when you said, "Puhleeze". Case and point, I'm 5'2 and at the time 120 lbs, he's 5'11 and at the time 180 lbs....so yeah, I could see how I could really "hurt" him.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the lies and BS, it just takes a crooked judge. Don't feel alone ladies, trust me, for everything you are enduring or have endured (being falsely arrested and jailed), there are a million other moms out there with the same story---you are NOT alone whatsoever.

My story was rather a generic one but none the less so painful and shameful that I thought I was all alone. I have never been arrested, committed or did anything to have my children taken from me. You have no idea how much I want to "eliminate" the problem ---which of course is my ex, but I know GOD will deal with him.

I think we should be able to get these judges, attorney's and anyone affiliated with the BS to serve time, be fined, take all these nonsense courses like, "Parenting", "Sensitivity", "Anger Management" when they are doing injustice and also be removed from their position of authority.

Where I come from...it all goes to the highest bidder and most certainly not for the best interest of the children. That alone is a crime.

Hang tight ladies. For every tear you've shed, trust me, GOD has 10 blessings stored for you and all those that were a part of destroying lives...
there's a place in Hell for them. GOD bless. Susan
Back to top
mamanot kidding
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ladies, send all your communication by mail with a return reseipt and have a coppy of it! thats what i do!
Back to top
katysmom
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I finally have a lawyer, after 2 years, just in time for the pretrial hearing/ restraining order hearing. So my restraining order doesn't just say I can't go near him, I am actually not allowed to call his house or send letters. So answer this question- how do I contact my daughter exactly? You see? My lawyer says no matter what don't call, so then my parents say they are going to call and 3- way so I can talk to her, and my lawyer says that because it says I can't have a 3rd party contact on my behalf, that that would be violating the order... Is there any one with eyes who can't see that this is a ploy to make me a stranger to my own daughter? The saddest thing is that the last time I talked to her- the day he says I told her I was going to "get a gun and drive [18 hours, mind you] to shoot plaintiff and his wife and bring Katy and the dog" home with me- when I was hanging up, I heard her crying in the background "I miss my mommy so much." So if this restraining order isn't dismissed the only way I will see my daughter is supervised visits in Minnesota only after completing a domestic abuse class (in Minnesota) and contingent on my paying child support (I'm a stay at home mom, and my husband is in the army- where are we going to get child support? Oh- did I mention my ex makes about $75,000 a year?) My mom says that my ex is a trial, to test our faith and christianity. I think possibly to test my sanity. The longer this goes on the more I start to question myself- you know? It's just that the way I remember things is so different from how he remembers things- one of us is nuts. And seriously- piercing a 4 year old's ears because "she wanted them pierced"? Am I the only one against piercing before adolescence?
Back to top
slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Katysmom,

Oh my gosh, he got her ears pierced at age 4 without your knowledge or consent! I know some of my friends got their newborns ears pierced but it was agreed with both mom and dad. I personally feel it's too young.

What exactly is your attorney doing on your behalf? Why do you have to take a "domestic abuse" class? Are you getting visitations now?
Have they stopped that?

Yes, this mess most definitely breaks a person down emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. You tell your attorney you want "time" and more "time" with your daughter.
All of this was based on lies and deception and there's no reason why her grandmother can't call her and have a 3-way. Yes, they are separating mothers from children every day. I have met with so many moms that lost custody based on mere lies and because of high dollar attorney's.

NO, you are NOT crazy ....the system is and is trying to brainwash all of us into believing we are but we know the truth and we know better and they are threatened by it. They are afraid that the truth will get exposed but it's getting there.

Let me tell you, no matter what denomination of faith you may believe in, anytime you are a child of GOD, your faith will be tested. It's not going to be a smooth paved road. Don't let the enemy
(Satan) get to you. Satan has a lot of vessels that he's using now (like brainless, spineless, heartless.....yeah like my ex for instance). Keep your faith, hold your head high and keep it in prayer. We are all on this crazy roller coaster madness together...you are NOT alone.

I know this sounds bad but I have to share it with the rest of you. Sometimes I question myself, wouldn't it have been so much easier to have just done away with dork and served time but that way the main problem would be eliminated and we could move on. I often feel like I'm in a prison outside of prison. I know that victims are often revictimized over and over....that's what is going on here. They don't want a mother to protect her children and they make her out to be worthless but just remember, no one in the bible had it easy, we can't be expected to either. Just be patient and we will see justice served.

Have a good and blessed life! That's the greatest revenge of all. Keep in touch and let us know what is going on, okay! Stay strong!!! Susan
Back to top
susan178
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

After reading some of these discussions I realized that children today really have it
hard they can't even be just a kid,
they have to be messengers for the abuser that the system has allowed them to fall into. I have three beautiful children I miss them so much, been with my children since birth the father left with another of course typical nothing new.

Mean time I went off to start my life with my children it was the best for a while then he started coming around bothering us I'm sure you all know the circle story never stopped still continues except now I lost my home and my children he made sure I was left with nothing.

I am fighting to protect my children now from this dangerous man although I did win all rights in the courts on behalf of my children. But that did not last long either. Come to find out this dangerous man and his family have connections in the legal system and him and his family manage to get away through the legal system by kidnapping my children and abusing them. I been through the whole system ran out of resources, came on the internet today just to see if their was any more resources for me same, and just for the heck of it I said to myself what about mothers rights what ever happen to mothers? Why are so many mothers out their losing their children, why is the justice system protecting dangerous people rather than protecting the innocent.
I have never in my life had to deal with courts or the system until one day my children came to me and asked for help from this dangerous man and his family. I made a report to the authorities assuming they are going to help wow surprise I guess, what I received for a response was nothing but insults about my motherhood unbelievable I asked them what do you do here then? Of course they just looked at me like to say how dare you asked that question?
So now not only am I fighting this dangerous man and his family but also the system, he always threatened me about winning this case by saying that I will never win because he has power and money I did not believe him at first,because he is crazy, but it's been proven, for example I had a protection order on this man from him threatening my life with brutal wording, he violates the order I again made a report to the local officers and told them he violated this order they did nothing he just walks I said I even had proof on my phone with his number and a recording gave to the officer and guess what, well you guessed it, nothing happen to this loser.

I have lost all trust in the Justice System don't believe it, I have some of my family members tell me to get a Attorney can't afford one anyways, but I say at this point I don't even think a Lawyer could help me, where he also knows Judges he use to play poker with them and always said he does not need a Lawyer has the Judge instead and laughs like a psychopath.

So what am I to do, about protecting my children from a dangerous man and his family, my children are not doing so well with these people, they will not let me talk with them or see them and they keep all records such has their Physician, Dentist and Schooling, I call anyways, their Doctors and Schools and tell them I am their mother I need to know how they are doing, and they say your not on the list can't talk to you, and they hang up.

And I believe what Susan says,
Justice will be served but I will say it has not been easy for me not to be with my children and know that they are in the hands of these dangerous people and the system has allowed this to happen.

God bless our children and all the mothers, and the innocent......... Smile I'm getting burnt out from this Justice System and that family well I don't call that a family I don't know what to call it.
Back to top
slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Susan178,

I'm sorry for what you are enduring. Maybe you could answer some questions for me. I reside in Southern California but have seriously been contemplating moving back to my home state (Oklahoma). I have been battling a corrupt court system now for 8 years.

I can relate with your story so much because I originally was granted primary custody and my ex took me back to court with a high dollar attorney in 1997 and I was not able to afford legal representation and just like that....my girls and me were separated. I'm the "weekend" parent if you can call it that.

My ex is remarried too and I figured maybe once he got married and started a new family that he would return my girls, but NO. He's kept them from me as punishment for "bruising his ego" and nothing more. Another reason is that he wants to avoid all financial responsibility.

Many years ago (late 80's, early 90's) I use to watch movies on Lifetime, never really taking it seriously or thinking there had to be more to the story until I actually became a victim. When I tell people, they look at me like I'm not telling the truth. I was judged for a long time and I kept blaming myself thinking I must have done something wrong, but knowing I did nothing wrong.
My crime is that I didn't have the money or power to fight against this kind of corruption.

This has become a billion dollar business at the expense of our children and mothers. I found this website in 2003 and couldn't believe this was actually happening everywhere. I have befriended great and terrific moms with heart wrenching stories, a lot of them have the same similarities.

I've been wondering when Justice would start happening too. Understand there are many men that play "golf" with these jerks in authority and us mothers are paying for the gas in their golf carts to run around their country clubs.

I agree, our children have it so hard now. One mother wrote that they will start coming out with Ken and Barbie dolls going to court. Kids are learning about divorce. Other strangers get to raise our kids, yet we were the ones that gave birth and had a bond with them before they were born. This is so unnatural and unethical.

I have met with other moms and now we are more than angry, we've gone thru every emotion , but becareful, you are NOT allowed to show any emotion or they will label you as "unstable and unfit". They make up laws as they go along.

I never would have believed there would be such a thing as "father's rights" or "mother's rights" and I never expected to be caught in the midst of it. I really never expected my children to be living a life like this either.

I keep hearing the pros and cons of moving out of state. I feel like if I move, Dork won't have anyone to fight with anymore and maybe my children can have somewhat of a normalcy, but then again, I don't want them thinking I abandoned them which is what he would poison their minds with even though I'm sure they would know better. My ex is an out of control freak too. It upsets me more than anything that I can't protect my children and the very people I turned to for help, used it against me (the system, that is). My ex has alienated my girls from me for so long and they feel like strangers and visitors when they are here. I constantly have to let them know, this is their other home.

I believe there is a reason now why there are so many moms and we will find a way to unite one day and make a stand. We are all scattered but it's okay, it's a nationwide epidemic and our voices and our children's will get heard. I'm bound and determined that I've gone too far now to stop and my girls will be home.

You're right. It's hard to stay strong and to keep hearing the same thing but we all need to stand by each other because united we stand, divided we fall.

Please know, I pray for all of the children and the people that are victims of injustice. I pray that justice will be served. I want these jerk judges to step down from the bench, attorney's to surrender their licenses and any other affiliation should be abolished because they sweep everyone under one blanket instead of hearing it on a case by case issue.

GOD bless you Susan178 and all the other victims.
Know that you are NOT alone. We have a lot of hurdles and battles but let me tell you, the war is far from over and I'm bound and determined to deliver our children from evil. Susan Bennett
Back to top
susan178
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Susan

It's great that we mothers now can relate in
writing here about our situation, I guess I never
realized how many mothers lose their children, this is really unnatural and unethical, like you said.

I just don't understand why they don't listen or
believe what I have to say, about what has happen to my children about this family, my children came to me I always kept open communication with my children, so if they ever had a problem or a question about what is going on around them, they can always come to me and they did. And it's like the authorities make you out to be a stranger to your own child. Now my children also look at me as a stranger when I did see them it was different, I always said to my children when I was able to see them to never forget who I am, and always remember good memories we had together, but they have been away from me for over a year now, did get visitation hours 6hrs a week. But now I can't see them because my daughter called me last week ,only to say hello and wanted me to take her to a festival the grandmother gets on the phone and said no you can't see her I asked why can't I see my children and she says not a good idea, i'm like what?? Now the grandmother and her sister filed a protection order with my children against me, stating bizarre remarks that I said, and last night i'm staying with family now, my youngest daughter called my sister checked her vm. told me my daughter called left message I heard it, and I just lost it, she was crying, saying please pick up over and over and said she wants me, and I heard the grandmother and her daughter talking in the back ground telling her what to say, and getting angry with her. And of course today I went to the authorities again to have them listen to this to prove what they are doing to my children and they did not want to listen to it, I even went to the court house and asked for a Judge to hear it crazy I know to actually think they will help, so now I can't call or see them, and yes you are absolutely right when you said if you show emotions they get you to be unfit and unstable, it's a normal reaction I have a big heart is that so bad? I can be cold and sinical like them but I'm not. I love my children
and will not change, they (authorities) want to put a label on me and say their this is what we want you to be. I say to them I am a mother I guess that still is not enough for them to understand.

Thank you for responding and I'm sure Mothers day
will arise I'm doing the best I can to stay strong and i'm sure others as well.

Susan
Back to top
slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Susan,

Men especially don't have a clue, but don't get me wrong, there are some cold hearted hags out there too.

I too am a sensitive person, always have been. I still reflect to when I was a young child and thought about having a big family and being a stay at home mom and going to PTA's and riding bikes with my kids. I started babysitting at the age of 10 which was not uncommon during my generation.

I enjoyed young kids and playing board games or hide and go seek but I was also responsible so I was often called to babysit.

During my teens I went thru a wild and crazy spell and because so many of my classmates and friends were already becoming teen parents, I had changed my mind and didn't want any children. I didn't mind babysitting here and there but I was bound and determined I wasn't going to be anchored down.

Then I became a mom at age 30 and 32. I never imagined I would ever be separated from them or become a stranger, but then again I thought I had married a respectful, responsible man....WRONG!!!
I never imagined the court system would agree to taking children from their mothers unless there was a real reason (like child abuse) but to just sit there all smug, heartless and obnoxious and make comments like, "well, the children have the right to see and be with their father", what about the right to see and be with their mother???

We all need each other because only we can relate to each other's pain. Yes, it's very NORMAL to be emotional and cry. What about the children?
Are they allowed to be emotional and cry? I am NOT a robot, I'm a human being with feelings and by GOD if I feel like crying for missing my children, I'll do it. It's a very normal reaction and I'm tired of it being used against us.

They can take their labels and shove it where the sun don't shine, if you know what I mean. Susan, I know one day it will turn around. There's a lot more stronger, determined, energetic women and they are making some noise which is making some folks nervous....GOOD!!! It's about time.

We all question the same thing....WHY? I basically know the answer to my own question.
That really angers me that you are being alienated from your children like that and that there are too many outside interferences making decisions with your children's life and ultimately your life too.

With all the money we have all dished out in attorney's fees, counseling and other court costs, I wished I could have that money back and take a flight out to Washington DC. I'm sure I'd end up in jail as a Looney Tune because they never want to own up to their own responsibility that they screwed up. It's all a money game to them and nothing more.

Keep us posted and if you want to email me personally, my email is slbennett1025@yahoo.com
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Child Custody Issues All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login