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Feeling lost and confused

 
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shawn78



Joined: 09 May 2011
Posts: 2
State or Province: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 10:24 am    Post subject: Feeling lost and confused Reply with quote

Crying or Very sad

I am 36. I recently fell in love with a guy who convinced me that he and I would get married if we conceived. Ha! Not.

I told him I was pregnant and he has been fighting like mad to be sure I didn't even have a chance to think about abortion. We moved in together for about 2 months, long enough for him to figure out that I was keeping the baby... Then he surprising had "no feelings for me" and quickly departed.

He is kind of present and kind of not. He is extremely controlling. His only concern is whether I am taking care of the pregnancy. He likes to occasionally act like he cares to see if I'll have sex with him again- no. He can't seem to figure out why I dislike him with a passion.

I have felt so alone for quite awhile. I don't know how I'll do this alone. He is going to use this child to try to control me. I have no idea what I was thinking.

Any suggestions?
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Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How far along are you...?

And you may want to visit a custody/support lawyer now... start the process and then you can call the attorney from the hospital when you deliever so that he can file the papers for you with the child's name on it.

as much as you may not like it... he is the child's father, and has just as much right to see and be with his child as you do. you can go without contact till after the child is born... and make sure you file for physical and legal custody... with minimal visitation... if you breast feed he will only be able to see the child for short amounts of time for the duration of breast feeding since you can't take the child from its food sourse...
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shawn78



Joined: 09 May 2011
Posts: 2
State or Province: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 12:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have needed advice like this since the start. I am 16 weeks.

I am so thankful that I found this website today. Would you happen to know of any sites that specifically describe the rights that a mother has in the hospital (ie birth certificate, naming the child and etc)? I will contact an attorney soon so I can get my ducks in a row. I already know one.

I am so lost in this whole process. First time mom. Struggling trying to be sure I proceed on steady ground.

Thank you so much.
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Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2011 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that is per hospital... but most hospitals will have a mother's list. Those you want to let up... those you want to see you etc... be aware that he could visit the hospital... but if you don't call him or let anyone know you went into labor... he really wouldn't know you had the baby... you will only be in there for about 24 hours after the baby is born if it is natural... and 48 if it is a c section.

you can fill out the birth certificate etc as you want... unless he is there to sign an affidavit of paternity he would likely need to get a paternity test...

Not putting his name on the certificate makes him have to file for a paternity test before he gets rights... but... if you don't put his name on the certificate you can't file for support... kind of a catch 22.

He could sue for paternity, and when it is established try to sue to have the baby's last name changed to his... if it is a boy... alot of judges will do that for the carrying of the name and such.

I would talk to a custody/support lawyer in your area and state... if you can switch hospitals on where you are birthing... I would do that so that if he thinks you had the baby he can't find you.
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