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At my breaking point :-/

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Joined: 21 Nov 2012
Posts: 1
State or Province: Illinois

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 1:40 am    Post subject: At my breaking point :-/ Reply with quote

My daughter's 2, her dad & I split because I wouldn't get an abortion. Since she's been here, I've pretty much been the only reason they have a relationship, picking her up & dropping her off almost every weekend, faithfully. No child support, I work full-time, & work on my BA full time; I pay for health insurance, daycare & everything else...but he makes ridiculous demands and threats when he doesn't get his way.

I've bent over backwards for the past 2 years trying to make things as smooth as possible, but it's like talking to a brick wall.

When I voice concerns or take her away from him b/c of his unstable behavior, I'm demonized to be controlling and acting off of emotion. He sees no fault within himself for how things play out...But he's the only one. We argue over almost everything concerning her, & I'm beginning to dread the holidays because I know it's just going to be another episode of drama. The Christmas before last, he punched a hole in the wall b/c I wouldn't leave my daughter with him while he was drunk.

Now he's requesting that she spend every other week with him, and of course I said "no". I mean, I want them to have a relationship, but her dad's selfish & irresponsible when it comes to caring for her. Over the summer, we got into a huge fight where the police were called b/c he wouldn't let me take her home - he'd been driving around with her in the front passenger seat (no car seat) & she's 1. Long story short, he's snatching and yanking her like a rag doll, pushing me & his mother trying to keep us from taking her. Even worse, It's been 2 years and we still argue about him not smoking cigarettes around her.

I know he loves her & he'd never do anything to intentionally harm her, but I don't trust that she wouldn't been in harms way around him. My biggest fear is that one day she's going to visit, and he'll be stupid enough to try and keep her...which I don't put past him. I've been contemplating taking him to court for a while because of this & trying to file for custody, or at least get some type of visitation arrangement in place so he can't just do whatever...but of course, finances are an issue. & I really don't like the idea of having a court decide something that two adults should be able to accomplish. I just don't know what to do anymore; it seems like things are just continually getting worse. It's sad, but I find myself actually hating the fact that he didn't just leave. I'm just really tired & frustrated.
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Still in Love

Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First and foremost... you must go to court to establish custody... if he is on her birth certificate. then he gets just as much rights as you do. if he tries to keep her and you don't have a custody order the police will say that possession is 9 tenths of the law...

Go to court and file for physical and legal custody... with reasonable visitation... as well as file for child support. Funds are not needed, you can file for a small amount of money... probably under 50 bucks... and you can get mediation for visitation as well as have the judge put things in order... if you do not have things documented... start documenting now...
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Joined: 21 May 2012
Posts: 16
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 6:00 am    Post subject: Good Job Reply with quote

I am impressed that you have made such an effort to have your little girl spend time with her father. I can tell your heart is good. It is very good advice to get the court involved now instead of waiting, get a parenting plan and address the issues of concern. You are right on when you have concerns about your little girl riding in the front seat of a car and/or not being in a car seat, being in a car or under the care of a person who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and spending time with a parent who might have some anger management issues. those are all cause for concern and as her mom you have a right and a responsibility to be concerned about her. Trust your instincts. Get an attorney and a parenting plan.
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