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Danger - Losing our children to Parent Alienation Syndrom
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~Chevy~
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Exactly Soresorurceful! I am merely trying to point out that this group should take a look at both points of view here. Yes this may very well be a Mother's rights group...but it also comes across in quite a few posts as a fathers bashing group. My point I have been trying to make is that there ARE good fathers out there and there ARE fathers who have wrongly lost all contact with their children due to the messed up justice system! I take it that you would be happy if those of us who don't sit here and bad mouth all fathers, and make statements like: all men are bad, and abusive...blah..blah.blah men do not deserve their kids...they are all deadbeats...etc would just up and leave your boards so you can return to you male/father bashing? Am I correct?
Instead of opening yourselves up to the possibility that there are other points of view! I guess your correct that we need to move on....but you see...those of us who do...we will move on to other boards where there ARE different views....you can always learn new things....help new people... Soresourceful.....I wish you the best of luck and I hope it all works out for you!

katysmom...I don't know of anyone who has REALLY said anything "nasty" to or about anyone here...I think you also need to get your story straight on me wanting to be a "replacement mommy" to my step-kids. They have a mom...no matter how worthless, lying, money grubbing....OH.....AND ABUSIVE she is! Maybe you all outta talk to another poster here about their posts...they come across as pretty abrasive! I believe your post.....
"And by the way, if you are intolerant of letting people express their own emotions or opinions freely without hurting them, then you really should not have your children, because the last thing we need in the world are more children brought up to be mean and spiteful to people with different views. And I don't mean that to be as mean as it sounds."
should really be forwared to her.

Too bad there are so many closed minds here....that is exactly what keeps our Family Courts hopping!!
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Soresourceful
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PAS is: All three of your children are starting new schools on Monday and you were never informed of it! PAS is: Your fourteen year old just got a tatoo yesterday and you found out about it today when she slid in the bathroom at the hotel and called you on her cell phone so her father wouldn't hear her. PAS is: Your six year old is told at night before she goes to bed that not even Mommy will ever love you as much as I do but don't tell anyone I told you. PAS is: Your first born son is driving a car now and attending college on Monday and you don't know what kind of car he's driving nor the school he's attending! These are just a fragment of examples of how a parent can be shunned from the life of their child by the court and a good attorney who continues to file continuances for a year. Did I loose a year of my life as a mother? You bet I did and the only person that could have made my children non-motherless was the other parent! Now this is PAS!
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lynn7
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Soresourceful,

Didn't some post that PAS was only a theory and that it wasn't real?

I deeply regret the alienation and subsequent pain you are going through. I can relate more than you know as well as others can here also who have posted.

This is a real problem, the attorney filing continuances, overburdened courts, courts not worth a damn, are all typical.

You could fight your case on grounds of PAS, this would be dependant on your status of responsibility and custody, even then, courts are worthless.

I wish I had a magic bullet here, the fact of the matter is the only answer I have is a complete reformation of the Family Court System, in and such the government should get out of people's lives.

Lynn
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tiffany
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I started this discussion and haven't been here in some time. PAS is only a theory. It is not a real syndrom, and it has not been peer approved. I do believe that a parent can alienate a child from another parent, but, please go and do the research and see how it is really used. I have been fighting this for over 4 years now. PAS was used against me by my abusive ex husband. Not only did he abuse me but also my children, including my little girl that he now has custody of. My problem with the use of PAS in court is that it is mainly used in custody battles (over 90% of the time it is brought up), when the mother has reported that the child has been abused by the father. I have documentation of my ex abusing my daughter from: ER personal, pediatritions, and child psychologists. All of this documentation was thrown out of court before being looked at due to the fact that my ex was screaming PAS. Now if any one of you want to tell me that I am an isolated case of this happening then I tell you bring it on! I have done my research and have found that this is happening in every state of this country, and I will happily tell you were to go to find it.
Futhermore, lynn7:
There was no evidence of PAS used against me. Unless you count the fact that when my daughter came home from visitations with her father that I took her to the ER because: she had bruises covering her back, stomach, inner thighs, cigerette burns, and my daughter telling me "it hurts to pee cuz daddy hurt my privates with his fingers". If you want to hold that against me then you are not fit to be a parent. If reporting child abuse in your eyes is PAS then I say "Yes I have PAS and I'm proud of it!" I will not be one to commend child abuse and look the other way because as you put it "children need both parents". If you feel that I'm looking for revenge then go ahead and just think about how you would feel if that was your child being treated that way by your ex, because this has nothing to do with what he did to me. And if you think I need to take a look at myself for that, then I pity you.
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Soresourceful
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tiffany you need to be the other parent in the PAS. My children started school and I have been ordered by the court to stay away from them other then functions that take place. I then have to be apprised by my ex. He has even eliminated my name from the school records even though I have Joint Custody. My daughter that is fourteen stepped in and told her father where is mom's name? She had to fill it in herself. I'm now facing another delay after eight months due to the lack of time by an evaluator not being available. I have hurt as well as my children long enough is there justice? PAS is very real and you couldn't have picked a more cooperative parent to lay it on. I would never deny my children the right to see their father!
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barbara
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Soresourceful

Tiffany is the one who had PAS used against her. Do you understand what is going on??? She was trying to protect her child from abuse. You as a mother don't agree with this? You would never deny your children the right to see their father,well, I don't think you have to worry about that, as he has your children. It looks like you are the one being denied. It also looks like it does'nt bother your ex one bit that you can't see your children. Just how agressive are you for fathers rights? What is happening to you is the fathers rights agenda and you still agree with this? There is no justice in the family court system's it's all fathers rights, why do you think they are winning custody? Wake up, get with other mothers, and start fighting this, or you will more then likely never see you children.
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lego_dad
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Lynn7 comments on August 11th and the 15th.

PAS has no winners, just one looser: the child.

If the parent is abusive to the child, then take legal actions to prevent additional harm with legitimate evidence--LEGALLY.

If you treat PAS as a disposable weapon to "teach a lesson to the ex", then that is simply sad--not for you, because this is really not about you, but sad for your child(ren).
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bobblehead
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

boy oh boy, I read every word here and let me tell you all, you are all full of ****. This PAS is USED AGAINST MOTHERS FOR POWER AND CONTROL OVER THEM, it was thought up by father's rights groups and it exists all over america. I was accused of PAS and the father filed for custody while he had supervised visitation, I had 4 indicated reports of abuse against him by DCFS but a biased (yes too many) family court judge ruled no abuse. Thank god I did not lose custoy but it took an excellent attorney after having 8 losers. I was in the family court system for13 years, countless petition filing by the father (stalking the legal way). This is called Male Battering and it happens all the time in the family court system.
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k&mm
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hard for me to sit here and read some of this and not get upset. My heart is broken for all the children that this country loses. Yes, I haven't seen my children in a year. Yes, I don't know their favorite color or candy. Do I want them to hurt anymore because of the battle between me and their father--- no. I cry everytime I go to court because I see parents using children like pawns in a chess game.
I was the parent who paced the floors when they were sick or had colic, I was the parent that took them to the doctor and yes I was the parent who after their father put hot sauce in their mouths or spanked them for no reason- comforted them. Fighting back and forth like this isn't going to solve anything. If a group was founded to help the non-custodial parent (father or mother) maybe more would get done. We all have our sob stories but we need to get together and do something instead of fighting. Oh and yes I pay child support too!
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aarus2004@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To K&MM: I applaud you for what you said and what you feel. I can appreciate it. My heart is completely broken. I miss my kids so bad that not even Morphine can take the pain away. What advise and resources or groups ARE out there that can help me proactively and constructively find a solution to win my kids back? My 7 and 6 year daughters are bound by a perfect stranger with an imperfect justice system behind him (judge) forcing me to stay away.
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KCZMUMY
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I personally am very concerned about Parent Alienation, my daughter is a very loving to me.But I fear that since she is only 6 she is still so impresionable. When me and my ex went back to court, and had a huge battle and basically we share joint custody. But the judge ordered that my and my mother be evaluated by a psycologist because my ex said I was talking negatively to our daughter about him. Which was not true and the psycologist agreed and released us. So now 4 months into the new joint custody issue, my daughter who is in counseling herself , tells me that her dads girlfriend gets in her face and tells her that I am a lier and plays taped conversations between her father and myself to her. And her father says other totally unappropriate negative things to her also. But what blew my mind was when another parent from my daughters kindergarden class came up to me and said that she was RSVPing for my childs party. I had not been informed of any party. And on top of it all my ex didnt even tell our daughter about this party , because he didnt want her to tell me. He invited her whole class and wasnt even inviting or telling me or my family about it. That is cruel all around , what are the other parents going to think when her mother isnt at her party. And my daughter is very confused, and upset. I brought it up to her counselor and its like there is no consequences for him. Why was it wrong when they thought I was being negative, and not this total act of alienation more of an issue.
Plus he purposly does not tell me about school functions or share information that gets sent home with my daughter from school. The judge specifically told him that he hast to make sure I get copies of everything and am included in all activities. Yet he does not. If someone
has any advice or any suggestions on how I can make this stop or make them accountable for putting me and my child in such blatent cruelty and confusion I could really use it. Thanks
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k&mm
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kc- if the judge ordered you and your mother to be evaluated then your ex is supposed to get an eval too. My ex tried this stunt and it back fired on him when I mentioned it too the judge. Also, find (if you can afford) a child psych and have him/her eval your daughter and get the papers to submit to court.
aaurus- My resources are limited. Email me at poohlvr_27@yahoo.com and I'll see what I kind find out.
Everyone-I've tried to get hold of a bunch of parents in this group and a couple others about a chatroom. If we start a support group that way it'll help some. But like I've said before: We're not going to be heard in a bunch of little voices. It'll take a big yell to do it. I'm not ashamed to stand up and yell for kids mine or anybody elses, that's our future being hurt. If I make a stink and hurt someones feelings while yelling for equal rights to my children oh well. The kids come first. If we can give birth to them then we have a backbone and need to use it.
If ya'll feel like this again e-mail me: poohlvr_27@yahoo.com
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slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is for poohlvr_27@yahoo. You said it girl.
For KCZMUMY, Poohlvr_27@yahoo and I have been corresponding pretty much daily. We have to unite and even though we are all in different states, I'm sure like she said, we will not be heard in a bunch of little voices, it'll take a big yell to do it. Please email her because she is very knowledgeable, feel free to email me also at slbennett1025@yahoo.com
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Barb
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All mom's on this board,

Looks like fathers righters don't like us wanting to unite and take back our kid's. They may win a few battles, but they will never win the war!
If they think our founding fathers meant for women to stay in violent abusive relationships, it shows me they have no clue as to what it's all about. Real men don't abuse and taunt their wife's and kid's. Good fathers know that the children need and want their mothers more than any father. As you notice in the "best interest of the child" no mother is mentioned, except in the text of if a mother has custody she is on welfare. They also have no clue to what the word of God is saying. They are making up a bunch of bunk and want to push it down every ones throat.
We are going to become very powerful and they should be givig in to a fund for mothers rights.
WE will win!
Barb
Wisconsin
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joe
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was searching for some information on safe exchange programs when I came upon this discussion. It got my full attention when I saw "parental alienation syndrome". I was just accused of this. There is so much absurdity in the system, so many painful and confused twists and turns. I just wish that our children's lives could be taken out of this perverse, adversarial, lawyer-driven court system. I wish everyone reading this the best of luck for a speedy release from this misery. What's helped me the most is to remember my love for my child always. By the way, I am a man.
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