An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



it's not fair...what can I do?
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Married with Custody
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
confusedmom30
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:10 pm    Post subject: it's not fair...what can I do? Reply with quote

Six years ago I was in a relationship with a man....and had a baby. He denied the baby was his and moved to florida. He never contacted me about the baby. Since then I have gone on with my life and married a wonderfull man who has taken care of my daughter as if she were his own....she knows him as daddy and does not know about her "sperm donor". Yesterday a friend of mine calls me and tells me that my daughters biological father called her and want's to see her..and be part of her life...he is married now and his wife thinks he should be part of her life. What are my rights and what can I do?....I dont think it is fair to my daughter to upset her life right now...what do i do...i'm sooo sad.
Back to top
westongirl25
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

to be honest with you, he (the father) will, if gone to court will get some kind of vistation right to your daughter. I know it is not fair, and you don't want to confuse her either, but blood it blood that is how they will look at it. But I would definatly get a lawyer and a good one, but before you totally freak out I would wait for him to call you. Besides when your daughter gets older and somehow finds out that her "real dad" wanted to get to know her and you denied her of that, it might jepordize your relationship with her, you would not want to do that. I hope I help alittle Smile
Back to top
Barb
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

confusedmom30
What state are you in?
Get a lawyer and get sole legal custody and physicial placement NOW. Don't wait for the jerk to take you to court. I don't believe it's right for him to walk in now after 6 years of not wanting anything to do with your daughter even if he is so called "blood". Unless you start fighting for your daughter now you could end up losing her, fathers righters have all the power in family courts, very few judges care about what trauma they are causing these children. Nothing is fair in family court anymore so don't expect it, I'm not trying to be mean but want to prepare you for what you may be up against, judges do favor fathers! Be prepared for that to hapen, move on your situation quickly!

Barbara
Wisconsin
Mothers Unite!
Back to top
nancio
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Barbara. Get a lawyer now and protect your child from losing you. Family Court is not where you find Justice for Children. Is there a Court Order on record regarding child support for the babies bf? Is he on the Birth Certificate? Would your husband be able to adopt this child as his own? Don't panic, but don't waist any time either. Sorry, about the situation. Stay strong. Good luck. -
-Nanci
Back to top
confusedmom30
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the advise....the father is not on the birth certificate...he was not there to sign it. Also there was a child support order out on him when my daughter was 18 months old and the courts were never able to locate him.....so I never got a penny...so I don't know how that all works. My husband want's to adopt my daughter he has raised her and he is the only father she knows
Back to top
mamanot kidding
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

in order for the adoption to go through, biological father (if hes whare abouts are known) must sign a relase, if hes whare abouts are not known, then he gt's notified by posting and add in the paper. you need an attorney!!!!
Back to top
kc



Joined: 08 Mar 2006
Posts: 1
State or Province: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 4:10 pm    Post subject: its not fair Reply with quote

God bless you. I would like to know how the other woman gets a say. He all of a sudden wants to play dad? Don't worry, once he realizes he'll have to pay child support, he will not want to see her. Oh, and shouldn't there be a warrant out for his arrest for not paying all this time, and he was no where to be found?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Sterling



Joined: 18 Feb 2006
Posts: 77
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep, I would file for your DH to adopt your dd and quickly. The court can see that your ex has abandoned his daughter for not seeing her and not paying child support and can take away his rights without his permission if your hubby is there ready to adopt. Go for it and quickly! You file first and I bet you that you have a good shot at winning!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
barbiem59



Joined: 14 Oct 2006
Posts: 11
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2006 4:09 pm    Post subject: confusedmom30 Reply with quote

I am so sorry you are going through this... I had a "relationship" and I call him the sperm donor as well. As long as he didn't sign away his parental rights your stuck with guy until your child is eighteen. It's funny that you mentioned the wife of the your child's bio-father. It seem that there always has to be another woman involved. Whether it's his mother or new wife.

Trust me his wife is the spring board for this mess you have. She telling him, "you have rights..." "the child needs to know you..." She's plays therapist because she seen way to many talk show, while you are having sleepless night of worry, thinking you might loose you child. Also, I am sorry for you husband who has been a father to your child, he's made to feel like and interloper, just because he and your child don't share the same DNA!

I don't know what you're going to do... It hurts like hell, and your child is going to be more confused than you... because she is going to ask questions she's way to young to understand. This bio-father should be ashamed of himself and his wife should but out and have her own kids or if she has her own kids, take of them first.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Devlynnsmum



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 1
State or Province: Alberta

PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband and I are going through the same thing in Canada. My daughters father has not seen her since she was 6 moths and she is now 6 years old. My husband has been her "father" since she was 3. We applied for him to adopt my daughter and my abusive ex in a power play decided to file for custody/access as a response. Well he recieved access and guardianship and I recieved a lecture on how I was a bad parent for not having pictures of my ex in the house etc. The courts are all about fathers and biology right now, the men who abandon their children, beat their wives and kids and refuse to pay child support get a free pass to do so. The women who pick up the peices and raise beautiful children in the face of these men get told they have not acted in the best intrest of their children. I would get a good lawyer and fight, but prepare to lose and prepare to help you child adjust to a new life that may include her biological father. The women of the world need to rise up and start to fight the system that has become as unfair to mothers as it used to be to fathers. Good luck. Lisa
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
barbiem59



Joined: 14 Oct 2006
Posts: 11
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 12:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since my last court date; October 4, 2006 I have been trying to recuperate from the shock of what is going to happen to my son on the holidays. He will be spending them in Seattle (We live in LA), he will flying alone in this post-911 era and dealing with people he never met. I have had emails and telephone conversation with the bio-father on the importance of family (it just sickens me to think that he has the right to lecture tome on "family") these people my son will be exposed to are stranger that share the same DNA. My son doesn't want to go but the courts don't care what the child wants, because they think we have told them what to say.

It's funny that after so long I am now being told the importance of family by a "Man" who could careless about his family own when we were together. I am positive that there is a female involved somewhere in all this, he doesn't even like children.

Unlike you, I never married or had a male influence in my sons life, and I was made to look like I wasn't human... that having a man in my life would make me more credible.

Your right we have to stand up for ourselves, but I'm not for, "mothers rights" or "fathers rights" I am for, "custodial parental rights" because we have to send a message to the absent that no matter how long you abandon your children, whether it is for one day or for eighteen years, they don't have a right to waltz back into their lives, use the court system to their advantage, and then destroy these children's lives and upset the normalcy that we, the "custodial parent" has created...

My thoughts and prays are with all of us who have to deal with the outrage, in our children's lives until they reach eighteen...

I know with time my son's bio-father will get bored with the boy, or the the female in his life will dump him, either way , my son will suffer for it. Best wishes to all...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
sandy20



Joined: 06 Nov 2006
Posts: 11
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 1:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's a great point about the custodial parental rights.

Most custodial parents are the Mom though---I think.


But anyway. It is true ---a husband/wife or whoever does not have the right to come back into a child's life after being away for so long and DEMAND to come back...who do they think they are..

they should understand they have a privilege to come back.

And if he wants to have them during a holiday once or twice that it should be on your terms, not his. I think some men expect to get his way no matter what....it is how he/they were brought up.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
marijj1013



Joined: 22 Dec 2006
Posts: 5
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 3:45 pm    Post subject: Re: it's not fair...what can I do? Reply with quote

Please let me know your update on your problem? I am in the same situation but my husband is on the birth certificate instead of the biological father. and I am not sure what to do ifhe wants his daughter back. after comming out of jail for two years.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
speedie1



Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 8
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am going through the same thing, my daughters father was incarcerated when i was 4 months pregnant. I got married when she was three my husband and I have 3 children together and my husband is daddy. I let her dad visit for a while but he was interrogating her about her dad. The first time she saw her bio was when she was three then he went back to jail and got out when she was six. Never paying any type of child support. I filed for legal/physical custody no visits because the last time i let him have her he took her to his gang territory. He is not on birth certificate and my husband wants to adopt her. I would agree to supervised visits due to his lifestyle. What else can I do?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
beep
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 7:23 pm    Post subject: fifa 15 coins cheap fifa 15 coins cheap fifa coins fifa Reply with quote

Here are the most fun new game, looking forward to joining you fifachampion.com
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Married with Custody All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login