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When the ex's girlfriend becomes involved in custody

 
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Mybabies
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:23 pm    Post subject: When the ex's girlfriend becomes involved in custody Reply with quote

I have seen alot of other mom's going through what I am. My ex's girlfriend is worse than he is. She is 21 years old and my daughters are 11 and 7. She is not even old enough to be their mom and wants to control every move. She does not even have kids of her own. I quess this is the only way she feels she can tie my kids father down. What makes her think that? Come on, I had them and he bounced never paying a dollar in support. Now all of sudden and thanks to her, they took my kids and filed for custody (we were never married and no court order). It has been over a year, and everyday that passes my daughters (whenever they allow for me to speak to them) barely say anything, and if I ask a question, they have to ask her and she will tell what to say. She cut their hairs, have my eleven year old shaving her legs, plucking her eyebrows. Has my 7 year old wearing lacy bra's? I don't understand the system, where are still fighting in court. I have court this Thursday for Contempt, since he took off to Puerto Rico for a month vacation and has not allowed me to see them at all. There is a temporary order for me to see them every Saturday. Well pray for me ladies...and hope that maybe the Judge will see some light and send him and her off to jail. Talk about abuse, using children for your own vegenance. To think, I never even sued him for child support and always allowed him freedom to see them whenever he felt. The 21 year old girlfriend feeds the girls w/ negative thoughts of me, and tell them that I don't want them, I don't love them..and more things than I can type. How can we present this in court. I have logged everything w/ date and time. However in Florida you are not allowed to record conversations.
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debw97459
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's a hard one. I can just tell you part of my story. When I went to court over custody my husband brought his girlfriend as a witness. I had a really good lawyer who asked just the right questions. She really made his girlfriend look bad. Let me add that this was a girl that I thought was my friend. And they got married 30 days after our divorce was final. Anyway the most important question my lawyer asked her was if she thought she was a better Mother then me. She said yes. Then she asked her what my daugther called her and she said Mommy. This really upset the judge in our case. I live in Oregon so I really don't know how things work in Florida. But in Oregon they tend to want the children to be with the parent that will insure a continued relationship with the absent parent. So maybe you can use that. Try and make the judge realize that your children need both of there parents. And that him and his girlfriend are not the ones that will insure a proper realtionship between both of you. It worked for me and I now have had Soul Custody of my daugther for almost one year now. Even after he had temporary custody for 5 months.

Let me know what happens. I will pray for you.

Debbi
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Mybabies
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Debbi,

Thank you for replying. It's hard since everyone else always tell me why don't you do this, why don't you do that. Not understanding that there is a court system which we have to go by. Court dates, rescheduling of dates and before you know it a year has passed and nothing resolved. I just received a call from my attorney stating the judge re-scheduled the hearing and will send notice. WHAT! They are in Puerto Rico for over a month and I have yet seen my kids. In court through mediation I am to see my daughters every Saturday but obviously he has taken off and not complied w/ the order. You would think they would expedite it not re-schedule the court date. Well each day that goes by becomes harder and harder. I can keep the fight however hearing my daughters become more and more isolated and not hearing the joy in their voices and feeling that they don't want to be bothered by me. My oldest refuses to talk to me. The more time goes by the more I am going to lose them. Thank you for your prayers. God, knows I can use all the help and support I can get.

Cyndi
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katysmom
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha ha the girlfriend. Yes, there is a girlfriend in my story as well, a younger girlfriend with no kids who wants some. Well, she hung on long enough and now she's the wife, but you get my meaning. Anyway, a man not interested in his child for almost 3 years suddenly takes her to his home (not in the state I live in) and won't give her back. Turns out, it was the girlfriends idea. 18 months later, he still has her and we're still fighting and the girlfriend is worse than ever. Especially with the married status. She used to keep herself in check, more or less because she was afraid he wouldn't marry her, but now- I just picked my daughter up for a 7 week visit, and she's out in the front yard giving ME instructions for MY daughter while I'm loading her stuff in. And not a word about it from the ex. My husband stays out of it, because I ask him to, but if anyone had a right to get involved, he does, we've been together since my daughter was 5 months old, and she's close to 4 1/2 now. Plus, I'm a stay at home mom, so he's funding this expedition. But not a word. So I know where you're coming from, but I don't have solutions. I fully believe in PAS in certain circumstances, including mine, and it sounds like yours. You just have to keep fighting. It's 90% a mental war, and your job is to work in your children's best interest. I too, have a hard time calling, I always hang up close to tears and totally pissed, so I know how you feel. I do. It's so hard, and you start to wonder if it is really better for your kids, they SOUND happy, and often say how happy they are. But when is a happy child sullen? If your daughter won't talk to you, there is OBVIOUSLY a problem, they are talking bad about you or she is mad or hurt... DON'T GIVE UP!!!! When my daughter is with her dad, she barely will talk, they are always in the background putting on movies to distract her or eating something she wants or going outside, and when she wants to do it, they say "no talk to your mommy. you can (eat/watch/play) when you're done. Well, she finishes up pretty fast. But when she's with me, she'll talk to him no problem. He says it means she loves him more, but I honestly think it means she's more content here. Just keep fighting for your kids.
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Mybabies
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for the words of encouragment. And just seeing that other's are facing the girlfriend wanna be mom of our kids syndrome. She also has no kids of her own and wants to controll him w/ my kids. I hope the judge see's that all he is doing is the PAS. That is true when my daughters where around me and not the father especially the girlfriend, WOW, they were my babies again. Once the girlfriend is back in the picture, here we go again two different children. I become so angry, since I can't even protect them from the ones that are causing them so much harm. Yes they do have a roof over there heads, (well the girlfriend bought a trailer home and not putting that down, but they lived in a 4br/ 2 bat home w/ pool) but since she owns it what type of stability do my children really have?

I trully believe my and everyone else's here should be heard on some type of show or even documentry. My ex wants me back, and the girlfriend wants to dominate my children to keep him. Since my ex found out that I married although I was with my husband 4 yrs prior he was really upset. Which I can't figure that one out? Well my drama goes on since the girlfriend put in my daughters head the she was sexually molested by my husband. They first filed for custody and then two weeks later decided to file a police report since they already had known I was filling for an emergency pick up order. But still no matter what my daughter had made some type of statement and I was going to get to the bottom of it. I called all the agencies involved provided my info and husband and follow through with each step. I even requested for my daughter to be interviewed by a Forensic Phy. which they even video taped which was held at a place called Children's Justice Center. Design to assist children who have been sexually molested and no physcally evidence. No charges where ever formed, my husband took a liar dectetive test and was cooperative in all investgations. But still I was not sastified. But when I trully started to doubt, first my daughter never disclosed anything to me (she used to tell me everything), my daughter stated that it slipped out after the girlfriend told her it had happened to her as a child. Most importantly, they had known of this 2 weeks (this is what they stated) before the filed a police report. Even the Dectetive stated this was the first time in 15 years he had ever seen a police report filed along w/ the custody petition. Well then why does he alienated the children from me? I have done everything even accepted not to take the children around my husband while all is happening in court just so that I can see them. But my ex and his brillant girlfriend comes up w/ more lies.....I quess all I have is to keep the faith and keep waiting.
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katysmom
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why is this not more of an issue in custody cases? If my husband was trying to tell my daughter he was her father or if your husband was getting your daughter to say her father was abusing her, the court would have stepped in by now. I thought it would change when I got a lawyer but so far it has been SSDD! I don't know...
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Mybabies
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my case, this is the whole issue, the father as no leg to stand on. I have been their sole provider and up to a year ago they where always in my care. So now the only way they feel they would have a chance is to fabricate such horrific allegations. If it was not because of the sexual molesation allegations, I would have my daughters back. But now I am the one who is submitting all evidence which states nothing happended and hope that the courts see how the father is a liar and manipulator. I do have an attorney, we go to court on 08/25 for Motion of Contempt on father..let's see what happens. I appreciate your input.
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AZMOM
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh honey I feel for you. I too have the 21 yr old GF problem, only mine is now pregnant. What a genius. It is very unfortunate that you are now having to prove your innocence. I hope things work out for you. I have responded to couple of other postings on here in the first few pages of people who have the same problems as us. WE need to form a support group. This crap is so mentally taxing. These young girls feel all grown up because they are supporting a man. Well guess what..you get what you give and some day the shoe will be on the other foot and I hope i have a front row seat! I invited anyone who wanted to start an email support group to let me know via my "meddling girlfriend" posting. I think it would be theraputic. MOTHERS UNITE
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