An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



WHY SHOULD WE TURN FATHERS IN FOR CHILD SUPPORT
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Child Support Issues
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
sandra48
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:05 pm    Post subject: WHY SHOULD WE TURN FATHERS IN FOR CHILD SUPPORT Reply with quote

hello, i realize that some of you may not understand what i am about to say, but i have great reservations about forcing a man to pay childsupport. i feel that this gives them the opportunity to heap abuse on us females with their children. when we need money from them and they are forced to give it to us, this does not make for a happy person, it only makes for a resentful person who would it they could try anything to get out of paying anyway. nobody seems to understand the plight of the parent who is fear of the father. people do not seem to understand that your life is not worth money. why should you be forced to make someone pay for something when they did not want to do it anyway and lets all be honest, my mother used to tell how she did not believe in child support because for some loose women who may have slept with some stranger, you can believe that no child support will be generated from that union which would leave mothers in this situation taking care of the kids because they love them. all relationships do not involve 2 people. some of you know that you may fall into the previous category however when it comes to wanting to do for kids, parents should do things out of love(all parents).
Back to top
mommy2fourkids
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Men needs to take care of their responsibility as well as women. The way I view things is that I didn't lie down and make that baby on my own so why should I take care of it on my own. When you let men get away from taking care of their part in the child's life they only laugh at you. My kids father resents me to this day because I won't drop the child support against him. And I'm not going to ever drop it. Of course, I don't receive anything from him because he isn't working. I'm looking into whether or not his wife has to pay for his share of the support. Hopefully one day you will get over your ego problem. I take full responsibility for my own kids and I love them dearly, but he is and will pay child support one way or another. He doesn't have to be involved in their lives. As a matter of fact they don't even need him. As long as they have me they are doing just fine.
Back to top
CindyK
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mommy2four- I have to agree with you all the way. We didn't do the deed alone, and shouldn't bare all of the financial responsibilities alone. Love is what kids need, but it sure does help to be able to take them to the movies or buy them new clothes or, hey, how 'bout this, PAY RENT! Love gets you so far, the ex's child support gets you a little farther. I too will continue to take money from my son's father. Child support is not a means for the custodian parents to live it up. It goes towards rent, food, clothes and all other necessities. By the way, you might want to check out a few websites on what your state says about his wife paying. In Illinois, anyway, if the husband (your ex) is not working, first of all is he getting unemployement? Because if he is, you're entitled to a portion of that unemployment check. Also, if he isn't working, then, yes, his wife (as household income in his home) does have to pay. Or at least I think you'll find that some courts will order that until he gets back to work, 20% of his household income goes to the kids (or whatever that percentage is). Search on the web for some site on Child support or laws in your state involving child support. I think you'll be pleasantly suprised to know that there's a possibility that his wife gets to pay you. Wouldn't that be grand!!!!
Back to top
Darlene
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I believe men need to take care of their kids.My ex left me and my 3 yr and 18 month old for another women.I had done nothing to him.But bea good wife.Even after the divorce.I have been nice to him.He hasn't paid my babies their money in a yr or more.He doesn't have insurance on them ither.I believe if a women does her part the man should do his.My husband has 2 girls.That he pay alomost $500.00 a month on and has benefits also.But doesn't even get to see them.Because of his ex wife.He only gets to see them when she doesn't have a baby sitter.My ex lives out of state.BUt like I said hasn't paid in a yr or more.But I let him talk to and see our kids.
Back to top
myzima2000
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i agree men should be made to take care of thier children if they are man enough to make the babies then they should be man enough to support them. my feelings also are if i have to let the loser see my kids then i should get some kind of support for them they only way i would say screw the child support is if my ex got out of my life and my childs life why should i kill myself support my child while he gets all the glory
Back to top
SLBENNETT
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree!!! I know it's different in every relationship and some men (very few) do give because they have the best interest of their children at heart but unfortunately, it's getting far too common that they get to move on with their lives, create more children with other relationships and take no financial responsibility. It's NOT fair to the children. Moms are the ones that suffer the pain and for those that are fortunate to get to keep their children, be blessed and happy in it.

It's sad and unfair that because a father doesn't want to honor his financial burden, that all of a sudden he's given custody or partial to avoid his financial responsibility.

Children need love and SUPPORT from both. I don't believe that anyone (mother or father) should have to carry the burden alone. It's not easy to raise a child this day and age. It's very costly. Children do need medical insurance, braces, clothes, food and some forms of entertainment, not to mention child care, school projects, uniforms etc.

I just can't understand though how they can expect a mother that makes little to nothing and is barely scraping by pay the father a horrendous amount, especially when the father is making double or triple the salary and is getting to live in a life of luxury.

Believe it or not....they are supposed to take in account of the salaries and costs of living, but many of these courts don't. It's a problem with most states because they require "child support".
A lot of moms would gladly give up the child support if they could just be done with the sperm donor and have them be out of their lives.
Back to top
myzima2000
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh girl you hit that one on the nose i thoughts exactly slbennett. i am almost envous of those women who have the good ex that actually take interest in their kids lives and support them. i only wish that for my child and i have had to go through so much with my little one and i have been fighting for a long time to get my child support. i am thinking about getting a support group going and if i get some really good help i want to try to change or atleast help put these looser men where they need to be which is start supporting their kids. us single moms and single dads should not have to work three and four jobs and go on welfare to support our kids we need to start making these men accountiable for their responsibitlities we obviously can not count on the courts or the government to help us so maybe we need to stand strong and proud and help other single women who may not be able to help themselves just a thought let me know if anyone is intersted in my idea
Back to top
SLBENNETT
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Myzima,

Yes, that would be great!!! If the father wasn't involved in the child's life and shows no interest whatsoever, then a mother should be able to move on and support herself and child(ren) the best way she knows how.

I'm not trying to put all fathers down because there are a few (and I do mean a few) that are worthwhile. Yes, the women that were or are fortunate to get a real "man" that does honor his financial responsibility are very lucky. I am envious and wish it was that way in my situation as well.

What I'm mostly upset about is the system. They have screwed things up so royally that it benefits the losers, not the children.

I guess it also depends on the state.

I got creamed both ways. I had my girls, Dork didn't pay child support, we ended up on welfare and then Dork took me to court with a high dollar attorney and got custody.

The courts twisted it as though I was "unfit" because financially I couldn't afford an attorney or legal representation. Didn't matter the fact that Dork was going to Las Vegas and taking limousine rides. They did absolutely NOTHING with him for his non-support. They felt it was in the "best interest" because Dork had someone there to watch the girls and I didn't.

I had gone back to work but because of the crazy hours and schedule it demanded, I had to leave the girls with baby sitters. I finally let the girls stay with his mother and that's when it got turned on me.

So, if you are broke and on welfare but can be there all day for the children, they hold it against you (because you are financially incapable) but if you work, well then...you are not there full time, then they feel it's best to let stepparents have the custody....go figure!!!

GOOD LUCK and GOD bless all of you that are going thru this. The courts/government will only help the fathers (for the most part) because they are federally funded.

You do have a great idea, we just need to get more people involved and keep pursuing it. Susan
Back to top
myzima2000
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks that is why i need help getting this going and this is the best place us single parents whether they are men or women need to fight the system but i am going to need help so if anyone out there wants to fight for our rights let me know
Back to top
susan178
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I lost my children due to this child support issue, from what sandra48 says she is right, why force them to pay, I mean if they were never supportive when they were living with their children then what makes everyone think they are going to support their children now,I'm not either knocking men, i'm just going by my own experience, the father of my children has no financial worries and you know I don't really care what he has for luxury as long as he stays away from my family then i'm fine, I never relied on child support to begin with, because I could never rely on him with support when he was around, but unfortunately I had to live off of welfare temporarily and they automatically go after the non-custodial parent which really caused an uproar he the (father) got all bent out of shape when it came to paying pennies and just made me and my children's lives miserable, I finally was hired for a great career position and off of welfare, and on my way with a good life with my children, but he did not give up due to paying so all hell broke loose and now I am the one paying child support go figure, and I can't even see my children or speak with them, because idiot crying over spilled milk messed my family lives up that I once had and his family well mother managed to get custody of my children, due to them having more finances than I, and with all their lies in the courts, so if you all are home with your children don't bother with the child support because they will maybe not all will find a way to mess your whole life up, and will it really make things better if they did pay support, I rather have them stay away than pay their support which they lie to pay the right support and don't go away just cause trouble and so on and so on. I always took care of my children on my own even when this big child was around, so did not make a difference whether he paid or not, just more headaches when he came around and more complications when it came to moving on with me and my childrens lives, I look at it well if a father well I don't call him a father is not willing on his own faith to take care of his own children and leaves, then why even have them be known to their children, if their willing to support and have good quality time with their children then ok, but yeah I agree with sandra48 because it just makes it harder for the child, and you will always be fighting for child support rather than just enjoying your lives with your children and managing without that check that is a lie. Then you hear well they pay child support so that makes them a good parent, does it really? Especially if they are forced to pay it just makes them more angry and out to have fun ruining your life,anyways that is just my opinion, I believe if a child's father is going to be a good father then he will do whatever possible for his child without thinking how much it will cost, children are priceless, and will support the mother with respect, just because parents split up does not mean they have to become enemies which happens and is getting worse out there, they should support their child no matter what with out question and if not then bye bye, I will support my children and raise them better without headaches. Don't need the bull crap. I know you all don't agree with this but really I'm sure we can all manage, heck at least you don't need to take care of a 40 yr old child, by telling him how to be responsible or whatever else they do wrong, it's a tug of war fighting this support really I was happier when I never received his so called support in the mail box.
Back to top
myzima2000
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

my whole thing with the child support is he is court ordered to pay the money for my son and it is the principal in the matter to me if i am court order to give him vistitation even if it is supervised and he is court order to pay child support then i want my mom simple as that that is the problem with the world no body wants to stand up for our rights and change the system. yes one person can not change the world but 1000 or so can and if we dont stand up for ourselves then we will never break the cycle of men and women not paying their responsibilies and then they can go and do the same thing to someone else that is why it is important to me my ex inlaws are loaded and they were trying to take custody from me but i fought them with little the money i had and i prayed a whole lot and won i want my rights for my child and myself and i will fight tooth and nail for any woman or man that wants the same rights as me as long as they will stand up and fight with me. if anyone wants to stand with me and fight for their rights as a single custodal parent you can email me at myzima2000@yahoo.com. i want better for my son now not 30 years from now
Back to top
susan178
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well thats great you won, I fought in the courts as well even had proof, but unfortunately they made up laws as they went along in my case, procedures were not followed like they were suppose to be, then they wanted me to agree with these cold hearted people, I said I disagree and they put my children in the hands of these cold hearted people. It's not that I don't agree with child support all together but when you are dealing with a psychopath that just won't quit fun and games and has nothing else to do with their lives except make yours miserable because this person gets away with everything he does wrong with alot of support in his family and whoever else he knows,then you will be fighting for your rights for a very long time, without even enjoying one minute in peace, and thats what I been doing, I did everything I needed to do, and still i'm without my children. I agree they should pay if they walked out on a responsibility, but good luck, hopefully it works out for the best for children seems to be for some mothers, but most not so hopeful.
Back to top
myzima2000
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I understand what you are saying i am in fear everyday that my pyscho ex is going to take off with my child but you know what that is why i want to fight these stupid laws they do not give custodial parents any rights we have no power and i am truley sorry that you lost your children but isnt that reason enough to make you want to fight the system you know it may take a while but if enough of us get together it can be done i want to set up a place so women can get good advice from all of us that have been through the process because you know these so called lawyors are as crooked as the come i did not get half of what i deserve and i got my divorce on one year waiting period because my lawyor would not push the drug abuse for my grounds for divorce. i guess i am so angry at being treated as a second class citziten i have rights and my son has rights and they are not being met. but i honestly dont want to fight with any one i am only look for some help and i figure i would find some people who are tired of the system and want to make a difference in the world.
Back to top
susan178
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I hear what your saying, i'm tired of dealing with the system and hearing nothing but insults and slanderings, I don't need to hear this, and I and my children don't deserve to be living the way we are now,yeah we all want to make a difference in the world and alot of people have in the past that made history, but I dont want to make history, why can't these so called over achievers do the dam jobs right, why does it have to be so hard for them, to see whats right, I thought they were professionals, I mean they always say they work hard to become what they are now, really how hard is it to become a crooked person, so you go to all these years of studies and get your degree in whatever, and just do a dirty job, and I thought going to college was suppose to be something good, something with honors, and good achievements. Well of course it is for the ones that want to make a difference in the world. You know I would really like to get some advice also on my situation because I don't have anyone else to turn to anymore I am all out of resources. My email is suzan_157@hotmail.com.
Back to top
myzima2000
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel ya girl the courts and lawyors are all about money and politics hey you can email me anytime my email is myzima2000@yahoo.com. i can help you as much as i can i know my ex owes me over 3 thousand dollars in back support and i have not recieved a check in 5 weeks and his boss is suppose to be garnishing his wages go figure on that one i will be carring my butt up to the courts to hear the same old crap and they never do anything it ticks me off i got so mad i broke down in tears right in front of all the ladies in the child support divison
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Child Support Issues All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login