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Single Dad here...need advise from you Moms

 
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tommygunz
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:34 pm    Post subject: Single Dad here...need advise from you Moms Reply with quote

I realize this is a site for woman but as a single Dad attempting to gain custody of my 2 young daughters, I thought this to be an excellent forum to garner some advise.

Here's the skinny as why I'm attempting to change the current "joint custody" arrangement that me and my ex currently have:

My ex is a prostitiute currently and has been for the past 3 years or so
-She is a pathological liar and does not know what the truth is as she has made up lie after lie about me and my girlfriend so as to attempt to curry favor with the girls.
-She has an alcohol and drug dependency issue that she is in denial about.(she was convicted of DWI last year at this time)
-She has attempted to manipulate by various means that I have already mentioned, the girls minds, so as to attempt to turn the girls against me and at the very least, make my job and my girlfriend's job when we do get custody as difficult as possible.
-She has been and still is dating a man(who she originally cheated with before I found out about it), who has a major bi-polar disorder and who is prone to violent outbursts and can snap at any time. To make matters worse, this guy also has a severe alcohol problem which causes him to do even more irrational things(he also just got DWI this past September and has at least 4 other alcohol/violence related offenses on his record from what I've seen of the police reports in the past 4 years).
-My ex has a terribly foul mouth and curses all the time in front of the girls not thinking twice about using the "f-bomb"(girls are only 7&9)
-She fails to provide the girls with proper hygene as she very very rarely gives them a bath or has them brush their teeth.
-She VERY VERY rarely provides the girls discipline that they need
-She has taught the girls to lie and that its OK to lie when necessary
-She and her boyfriend, I believe, also both have sex addictions as well as the both of them have admitted to me that they have went to “swinger clubs”.

My question for y'all and I do realize this is a site dedicated to woman but would I not be remiss as a father to NOT attempt to get full custody...eh?. And do y'all agree with me that it would be unhealthy for me to allow the kids to stay with her and her boyfriend and that I should be given custody seeing that my girlfriend and I can provide the girls with a more loving,safe and secure evironment.

Or am I fooling myself and the courts will never take the kids away from the mother even despite her "Jerry Springerish" lifestyle??......Thanks in advance for any replies I may recieve

-Tommygunz
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Anastasia042002
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok....
This is a very difficult sit. w' obviously many problems. First, in this sit. yes, I personally would difinitely recommend you get full legal and physical custody and that she should get supervised visitation, and I think most mothers would agree. However, I am not one of these women who agrees w' the custody court and Friend of the Court and father's right's groups that say mother's and father's should share custody. But you do have to draw the line somewhere. There are bad mothers out there and they must be forced to get help for the sake of their children.

I believe in your specific sit., you should hire a private investigator and fast, present the info. in court and move from there. I say this because w'out the P.I., you will waste a lot of $$$ and time of everyone's only for her to say, "He's lying. None of this is true." and it will be thrown out of court. Do it right the first time. On the other hand, do not allow for her to get unsupervised visits. She must never be allowed to take the children out of her sight due to the emotional abuse. Push for visits, possibly in a public place w' you or maybe a chaperon of yours and her choosing. If she can't agree on any that you choose, tell her it's either that or being supervised by an agy. where she will have to pay a lot of money just to see her children.

I normally wouldn't recommend tearing a child away from his/her mom but I really don't think they should be exposed to that.

If you want to talk further, email me.
Anastasia042002@Hotmail.com

Anastasia
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PrncssMorgainesMomma
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ITA with everything that Anastasia has said. You need to do it right the first time to save the children any more harm and possibly judges thinking you just have a "grudge" against her.
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k&mm
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the children come before anyone! Mom, dad, b-friend or g-friend. Apparently something needs to be done and done fast you can file for an emergency hearing and she won't be notified (it was done to me). If you can get a lawyer, that'll make the road easier. just be prepared for a fight. Good Luck.
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sarahg321
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i agree with anastasia said, we arnt fighting for NO dads to get custody of there children there is cases where fathers should or need to have full custody.

So if what you say is happening goodluck with your daughters, every child deserves the best upbring they can get they didnt ask to be born.
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myzima2000
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey i went through this with my ex husband after he was bailed out of jail for failure to pay child support he wanted to resume visitation and i was ok with that but he had to do visitation on my terms becuase he had not seen my son in a whole year so things went fine for a few months until i got a message about him getting drugs so what i did was saved the message and lucky for me his ex girlfriend wrote an affidative on my behalf about his prior drug and alcohol use she wrote a four page affidatived explain how you used drugs in front of my son and took him to his drug dealers houses and all kind of stuff so i got a lawyor and got an emergency hearing to get supervised visitation and the judge made my ex get a drug test in which he tested postive for cocain crack pot and excessive alcohol use. and with the affidavited the judge had to rule in my favor so with her dui and if you get a good custody lawyor you should have no problem getting full custody of her children i would be careful getting a pi because i have had a couple and it was a waste of money for me but that was in my case if i were you i would see if you can find anyone to write an affidative that knows your ex and write what they know about her activities and make her get a drug test through the courts becuase she will have to get one done after your court hearing but make sure that you get a hair follicle test and make sure they take it from some place other than the head because i have heard that if the druggie bleaches their hair it will make the test inconclusive. you might have to pay for the test but they usually make sure that the one getting the test done if it comes back positive they have to pay you back but be sure that the judge orders the test and the judge picks the testing site that is how i got supervised vistiation for my son but you can do what you want just becareful becaus PI's are very expensive and i through a lot of money away on them good luck
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