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Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody.
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mom23kidz1



Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 10
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody. Reply with quote

DianeW wrote:
From my experience, fathers are getting more support in the courts then ever. My sonís father and me were never together and he did not want anything to do with my son. I have married and my husband treats my son as his own. We are a happy family. Yet, the courts recently awarded my son's father substantial visitation (1/3 time) based ONLY on the fact that it's his biological son. My son is three now and this courtís decision too award so much time seems a little extreme to me. Has anyone else had an experience like this?


whole weeks during the summer away from you? Yes Those weeks seem like years,
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myboyismylife



Joined: 18 Nov 2007
Posts: 8
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:33 pm    Post subject: the double standard of society - good point Sunshine Reply with quote

I may take a lot of flack for this but there is a consistency to this.
Politics! A lot of it has to do with the double standards set in society - there is a lot more forgive-ability with what men do that women are "supposed" to do than with what women do that they are "supposed" to do.

Sunshine brought of the example of the Andrea Yates case - classic example. It's completely against what we all know is supposed to be maternal instinct to love and protect and nurture and so when there's an aberration, it is highly publicized. But if something like that happens with a father (and it has, plenty of times) it doesn't get the same amount of media attention or "disgust." As horrific as it is, it simply isn't viewed the same.

Father's rights groups exist for a reason, and I'm glad they are there. They emerged because there used to be an old reliable formula that was basically based upon - mom gave birth - she keeps kids. There are a lot of women that shouldn't have custody, even though they gave birth, true. However, as for the amount of times Father's rights groups are used for what would be a more obvious case as far as the father needing to be the custodial parent... now there is a blurry line!

Therin lies my admitted bias, certianly. My ex is with a father's rights lawyer. My child is four and I am only just now filing for child support because he has bullied me away from it for so long. And now, all this is being used against me! He is desperate not to pay and so he's busy right now trying to make himself into father of the year. I've seen my child every single day of his life until the past couple of years at which time I've seen him 6 days out of 7 and I am actually afraid that I will lose custody because the father has all the money for the expensive lawyer and I am fighting just to hold onto mine.
For every great dad out there who is fighting to keep his kids out of love and great intentions, there is another with mixed up prorities with friends who keep telling him that his ex only wants custody so she can collect child support. (What do they think people are going to do with that money anyway?) My ex actually asked me, "I don't see what that money is paying for" and I want to say "well, look at the child in my arms!"

Are things fair? No, but is there a single country in the world operating in terms of equality of sexes?? No! As long as we hold moms to a higher standard and then criticize them for not being what we idealized them to be, this problem will continue to get worse.

Hats off to both fathers and mothers fighting for what they know is right, but it's always going to be important to look at these things from a broader perspective.

My one cent (because that's barely even half of what I could say!)

Cheers,
A
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kris



Joined: 20 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

are fathers getting the upper hand. YES! From the very beginning. I think that society as a whole have always allowed it. The expectations of women have been accepted with serious consequence. We are smarter than that!!!! It's time to lift ourselves above the limits of others. We need solutions, we need to live with the choices we've made, but make better ones. We need to create a stronger network of suport with reliable info. Isn't that how the fathers's 'rights' have such a strong hold now.

It sounds like it comes down to money, and that the truth doesn't stand for much in the eyes of the court system any more. It sound like the courts can't be bothered with fact and that the easiest way to deal is to divide up the rights (to what seems balanced) and hope for the best, totally disregarding the past history of some of these criminals and their behavior.

Does it not seem totally crazy that these guys take on NO responsibility from time of conception and then when child support comes up they all of a sudden want to claim their rights. It's sad, but all I can say is that if you feel this might end up being the case get these idiots to sign a release form of rights(not including child support and then go for payment in nine months)

Sorry I am all over the place, but it's complicated and I think we all need to embrace that and collect ourselves, preparing for the worst and for any angle that their hot shot lawers chose to take. Get prepared. Document EVERYTHING. Phone calls, texts, emails, dr's visits(how many they've been to/or not) character witnesses, take pics of what they offer at their home(cleanliness, food, toys, activites, drugs, alcohol,etc.) write down everything that you spend on your child(ren) I am sure it's nothing compared to to small amount asked for child support. Just start gathering evidence and be patient. Keep all reciepts/bank statements phone records. My sisters ex bf says he's paid for everything. PROVE IT! He sent home my nefew with the diper on backwards. I mean this is crazy. And youv'e all gone through it.

Get a good lawer. I know money doesn't always allow it, but it shouldn't stop you from taking on your own responsibility in the case. Its like if you had a Dr that didn't belive the chances of you living. Would you want that Dr any more. NO, Belief in you and get the best that you can.

did I leave any thing out?
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jordan



Joined: 04 Dec 2007
Posts: 3
State or Province: Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In Massachusetts the presumption is NCP/CP, with the NCP paying Support to the CP. Guess who gets to be CP a vast majority of the cases? It was presumed in my case. I didn't have any say so whatsoever
________
Extreme Vaporizer Review


Last edited by jordan on Fri Feb 11, 2011 1:54 am; edited 1 time in total
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REllis



Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Posts: 5
State or Province: Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, my ex got everything! We divorced in 95. He remarried wife five. She and he took my son through the court after I came home from Iraq . They have new house, a new car . The courts were very unfair, I proved my ex's DUI, his wife was caught in a dishonest statement by my attorney (my attny put that in writing). The school grades incorrectly (I proved this in court), they tried overdosing my son, I proved all this in court and my ex still won everything. My son and all my rights have been taken away due to the hearsay and lies of both of them.....MEN TOTALLY HAVE THE UPPERHAND NOW DAYS IN THESE CASES! Proof doesn't help a thing in todays court rooms, absolutely nothing!
________
Yamaha YX600 Radian history


Last edited by REllis on Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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lovemykiddos85



Joined: 24 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I believe that fathers are getting the upper hand with the courts. I am going through a terrible time with my sons father. Ever since I told him I was pregnant he accused me of cheating and denied our son. I filed for custody and he wanted to take our son away from me. The courts denied him because I was nursing. But then they turned around and said if I want to continue to nurse I have to give the father all supplies (including expressed milk). He was only granted to see our son one day a week 4 hours at a time. Which he never does. There is always some excuse as to why he can't come see him. Now I am in a situation where I live with my mom and my two kiddos. My mom is being transfered out of state. I have no where else to go but to go with her. I gave my sons father a call to let him know what was going on and he wouldn't agree with me on anything. I was even nice enough to say he can have more visitation and he said he wont agree with me on anything. I then said to him so you want me and the kids to live in my car. He then hung up on me (how grown up of him). I went to the courthouse and paid for an Order to Show Cause and am going to be heard by a judge. I was told that the judge could just hand my son over to him and say I can only have visitation. I don't feel its right because my sons father has never been apart of his life. He missed his first christmas, his first birthday, and everyday in between. But now all of a sudden he wants him because I'm having to move.

If anyone has any advise please let me know. Im losing my mind!
Thank you
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mine7619



Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 2
State or Province: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am in florida. I have always had my children. They're father came down for the 1st time in 4 yrs. My oldest is a straight a student. My son is happy. She is 8 1/2, he is 7 1/2. Now he says he wants joint custody. He is behind on support. We Were never married. Went to see a lawyer today who said That Because he is married and i'm not it counts in his favor. That I shouldn't fight and try to get him to agree to a visitation order. Because if I fight He would probably Get joint custody. I Can't believe He told me He would win. I have raised them on my own for years. Why should he get anything?!? It's not right. Whats worse is there is no clear answer to be found online so I know where I stand as an unwed mother. I wish there was a good state to move to that would make decisions based on what Has been done. Untill he got married last year no real interest. I'm Gonna go cry again now.
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kiara21



Joined: 15 May 2008
Posts: 1
State or Province: Tennessee

PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2008 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have not been in court yet but i am about to be, but i have heard about fathers getting more rights to their children and do not think it is fair. The father of my child abandoned me while i was pregnant then came back just to play around with me..he didnt want to be with me just keep me around until he decided what he wanted to do..in the meantime he was seeing other women and lying to me about it. His sense of moral is completely wrong as far as women goes and i am afraid of what kind of role model he can possibly be for our daughter. He is on probation for possession, was arrested for a dui under age and he has the nerve to threaten me to take my daughter away for no reason at all. I do not trust him and do not know the kind of females he will bring my child around and that is what worries me because he has no real sense of moral or good judgement and i am afraid that he may get whatever he wants..also because his father is a well known city official. I dont understand how the court can be so lenient..how a father treats the mother is related to the type of relationship and influence he will have on his children so for them to think its irrelevant is ridiculous and i do think that more needs to be done to stop immature and irresponsible fathers taking control over our children. Mad
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Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2008 9:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is put in the custody orders that neither parent can bad mouth the other parent in front of the children.

Just because he and you do not get along does not negate his rights as a father. My ex abandoned me and our son when our son was 6 months old... left us penniless and didn't give a damn how I made it with our son. a year and a half later... he sued me in court for visitation and custody. His mother was the driving force behind it.

I was angry and mad since I was allowing him to see his son anytime he wanted... he got visitation and joint legal custody... and turned out to be a pretty decent dad.

As long you stay calm and play fair... always look like the good guy... always be willing to compromise... you will do fine. My ex's parents are pretty influential as well... his dad is a retired district attorney and his mom is a retired captain for the sheriff's department. And I basically got what I wanted... but let my ex get what he wanted too. Now I am 3000 miles away from them... and I really don't have to worry about them being to much into my business.

Ask for mediation... be willing to give him joint legal custody... and reasonable visitation... with you having primary physical custody... offer a 90/10 split of time but know that you will most likely need to compromise to an 80/20 split... with dad getting 20 percent of time that is every other weekend from friday to sunday... a 4 hour visit every week for a dinner and 2 week vacation time a year.

I know it sounds like a lot of time... but it works out to be a total of 75 days a year... which is really nothing out of a 365 day year.
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jennbootoo



Joined: 08 Aug 2008
Posts: 2
State or Province: Illinois

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:04 am    Post subject: Fathers do get the upper hand.... Reply with quote

Hi from Illinois. YES they do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And money talks, it does't matter were I am from(stuck). My ex-husband comes from the wealthiest family in a small rural community, his father was the mayor. Never mind he beat the hell out of me for years, magically when it came time to our divorce hearing all police documentation was somehow lost in the court system. Little did they know I copied everything, then the arguement came that I instigated the fights and my 6'2 Army Sgt. husband defended himself. They had the money to pull out all the stops. I could get representation, my family had to re-finance there homes to help me pay for an attorney. My ex couldn't pick our 2 children out of a line up of 4, so imagine my surprise when he went for FULL custody and tried everything to make me look like a bad mother. I even had proof were he had taken a picture of his privates parts and posted them on an internet dating site! And guess what ladies he won, joint custody and he is primary , I get my babies 3 weekends out of the month. This has killed me, I'm lost it's crazy. He has a girlfriend now that is only 6 years older than our oldest son and she takes care of our kids, they don't call about doctors appointments, dentist, school functions, NOTHING. And she physically disciplines my child which is something I do not agree with. I need advice my daughter came home with a HUGE purple bruise behind her ear a knot on her head. They said that they had no idea what happened, when they left my daughter told me that she(the girlfriend) was trying to get away from her spanking and she slipped and fell hitting her head.
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hpulling1982



Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 8
State or Province: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:23 pm    Post subject: All of you are right! Reply with quote

I agree with all of you, FATHER'S HAVE TOO MANY RIGHTS!!! My son's father wanted me to have an abortion when he found out I was pregnant then verbally and emotionally abused me until I finally kicked him out and had to have my dad come over in the middle of the night to change the locks on my apartment. Then I never heard from him again till my son was 6 months old and I had to file for support because I was receiving welfare. Then all of a sudden he filed for visitation, that was last September. He was ordered to attend fatherhood classes and before it was over him and I signed a custody order giving him visitation with my supervision every Wednesday and further visitation by mutual agreement. Last month I had the stomach flu then me and the baby had bronchitis and were sick for over 2 weeks so I couldn't meet him for his weekly visits for 3 weeks. He filed for more visitation, I got the letter on my birthday! Last wednesday we went in front of a custody conciliator who literally told me to be quiet when I voiced my concerns. I got the custody order in the mail today. He has been granted custody every Wed. (says from after school till 7pm, however my son is 1 year old ad not in school). Also gets every other weekend, alternating memorial day and 4th of july, half of thanksgiving, and every other Christmas morning!!! I am furious!!! Next week my lawyer and I are going to file for relief of unsupervised visitation due to his living conditions and lack of ability to care for a child. Then we are filing an appeal. I think he shouldn't have any rights since he practically forced me to have an abortion!!!!! What do the rest of you think? Am I being unfair, unreasonable? Twisted Evil
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simoneyvonne



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 3
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 3:39 pm    Post subject: Virtually same experiance here... Reply with quote

My ex had been abusive for years but when he hit me in front of our son I finally had enough gumption to leave. Our son was 2 years old and my ex was absent for the next 2 years after that. I eventually remarried to a wonderful man who is and excellent father and consistent in my son's life. My ex recently (within the last year) got re-married and came back demanding full custody. He said that I was insane, a drug addict and a negligent mother and although he hadn't so much as called his son, let alone visited him or anything I had to go do a mental and drug evaluation and prove that I was fit to be a mother in order to keep my son. At that, the first mediator suggested 50/50 physical custody yanking my son back and forth to Arizona (where my ex and his wife currently reside) from California (where my son has lived his entire life). I fought tooth and nail until I could go back to mediation and ended up having 50/50 legal and to give my son up to a man that he barely knows for one weekend a month. My ex is taking us back to court, and I am afraid that between the court system favoring the father so much and my ex-husband's financial strength he will probably get more. (as it stands my son has nightmares and wets the bed during and just after visits with his biological father.
***To the father who said above that courts do not favor the father, I am sorry for your unique situation, but I assure you, the Father's rights movement has in fact turned the tables into the father's favor despite the detriment that it can cause for the children's well being.
***Is there a Mother's rights group? Why aren't we banding together to protect our children? I feel like sending my son is legitimately hurting him and I have no recourse to protect him. I have tried to suggest doing webcam visits or phone calls that I have suggested to help them develop a bond and make him more comfortable with his father *even though I have said over and over again that my husband and I would be happy to leave the room or even step outside for such visits but my ex will have nothing to do with them. Even though it is appallingly apparent that my ex has no real desire to bond with his biological son the courts are hell bend on protecting his "rights".
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simoneyvonne



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 3
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 3:47 pm    Post subject: Also . . . Reply with quote

If anyone knows if there is a State that still cares for the well-being of the children more than the "rights" of the returned absentee fathers, Please send info! My husband and I are more than willing to re-locate to stop the nightmares/bed wetting issues that come when our son is returned to us.
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simoneyvonne



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 3
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 3:56 pm    Post subject: Re: child's rights Reply with quote

ksiegel wrote:
I am currently in court in Wisconsin.

Any advice? Anyone ready to start writing to law makers to increase the responsibility of the non-custodial parent- usually the father! DNA and child support should not give a person more rights than the child & the parents who are there every day.


We should! Does anyone know who specifically we should write? There are enough of us to at least be heard *since most of us are moms I am going to reference Dr. Seuss.... when the last little who in whoville shouted didn't all the big jerks that were trying to force horton to stop protecting the whos finally hear them???
***If anyone wants to get organized about this, let me know! I will put the hours in if I am not going it alone.
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emalone05



Joined: 30 May 2009
Posts: 1
State or Province: Wisconsin

PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 7:48 pm    Post subject: I hear you... Reply with quote

Niki wrote:
It bothers me to hear that after we as single moms raise our child(ren) after so many years gone by..and then the man who was invoved in the birth process called dad wants to come into the picture. Why? Then for the courts to give the father rights to see the child is crazy. The father should have stepped up to the plate in the begining. Now - it should be his lost. But it's when he's ready moms are suppose to understand.


I'm going through all that right now. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with a precious baby girl. The father and I were living together in Arizona and when he found out I was pregnant...never came home...out all night...leaving me home alone. I was really sick and begging him to stay with me. He told me to abort the baby..I wouldn't. Long story short..I ended up moving home by my family in Wisconsin. I'm going to have the baby here. I've heard from him two times since I've been here and just recentely he emailed me saying he wants to have her for the summers and visit at least once a month. It just makes me sick to my stomach. How can he go from telling me to abort her to telling me he's taking me to court for visitation. It really scares me and hurts me to know that I could be without her for summers! I can't imagine...
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