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Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody.
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DianeW
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:41 pm    Post subject: Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody. Reply with quote

From my experience, fathers are getting more support in the courts then ever. My sonís father and me were never together and he did not want anything to do with my son. I have married and my husband treats my son as his own. We are a happy family. Yet, the courts recently awarded my son's father substantial visitation (1/3 time) based ONLY on the fact that it's his biological son. My son is three now and this courtís decision too award so much time seems a little extreme to me. Has anyone else had an experience like this?
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april
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really feel the same. I had my son when I was 16 years old and have devoted my life to him ever since. His father and I recently got a divorce and since I could not afford an attorney at the time,(and he could) I was labeled an alcoholic, unfit mother with absolutely no proof of anything. It was pure hearsay. He now has custody of our 3 year old son and all I get is 4 hours supervised every other Saturday. It is very hard on my son and myself. Any words of wisdom out there. I really need help.
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dawn
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

April, I think it's awful for a mother to only see her son 4 hours surpervised per week. I would only say to keep positive and fight for more time at a later date. Keep all emails, documents and other meterial that may help you in a future court battle. Sorry, I could not help more.
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dansmom2001
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, fathers are getting the upper hand in child custody. So much plays into it. The answer as to why it is happening is not easy to obtain. Ignorance on the part of the attorney's and Judges involved is a huge factor. The Father's Rights movement is another.

No offense Diane, but be happy you still have custody of your son 1/3 is better than weekends or supervised visits.
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BostonDave
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is it awful when a father gets 4 hours every other week also?

And to state that fathers get the upper hand in Custody is delusional at best, dishonest at worst.

In Massachusetts the presumption is NCP/CP, with the NCP paying Support to the CP. Guess who gets to be CP a vast majority of the cases? It was presumed in my case. I didn't have any say so whatsoever.
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Niki
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It bothers me to hear that after we as single moms raise our child(ren) after so many years gone by..and then the man who was invoved in the birth process called dad wants to come into the picture. Why? Then for the courts to give the father rights to see the child is crazy. The father should have stepped up to the plate in the begining. Now - it should be his lost. But it's when he's ready moms are suppose to understand.
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SUNSHINE2777
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Im in the middle of a mess and yes, fathers are gaining the upper hand in child custody in some ways. But I think the problem is w/ the courts themselves. The courts are not concerned w/ truth. They try to black and white the issue and it cant be.Every situation is as unique and different at the people involved. But from what Im seeing, the courts dont want details, they dont want truth. They want basics, make the decision and go on to the next case. And that makes me very sad. I am fixing to lose custody of my girls because of money and the very basic truth that the courts dont care about truth. Not really. My ex has found a way to revenge me for the divorce and the courts are going to help him turn the knife. I did nothing wrong and I guess, sometimes the nice guy finish last. My heart is completely broken.
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Mom - Diane
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is true. It doesn't appear to me that the courts are concerned with truth. When and if I go to court I ask----how far has the father's rights orgs gone to influence this judge's opinion? Have they picketed their courtroom in the last week? month? their home? their garden party?

Something needs to be done on a grassroots level by mothers/women/etc. for mothers/women. Not revenge---as many fathers/men will do but something else---because revenge takes too much wasted energy. It does not make sense to waste energy in that direction.
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SUNSHINE2777
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Has anyone noticed something odd in the news recently? I have. The Yates trial is on the news all over the place. No, I dont have a clue how she could kill her kids and never will understand that. The fact is she did it. Now, just this past weekend, a father, who was fixing to lose custody of his kids, was prone to violence, was given unsupervised visitation back, and within a month of that, he shot and kids each of his 3 children and then himself. This is not all over the news. Someone explain the difference to me... wait.. I know.. Yates actions were not court related and for reasons unknown but this father was very much related to the action of a judge... and you guessed it.. little to no news coverage on it. All the judge could say is that it was sad and it was what the family courts "worry" about happening... Not that he screwed up royally... so to answer your question about fathers getting upper hand in custody.. i guess you could say that.. above is my case in point... When I think about this, it makes me boiling mad... Whats the difference? she took each child and drowned each one... he took each child and shot them.. no difference except motivations and relatability to the court system.... History shows fathers are more prone to violence... yet, since most judges are men and fathers, guess where this is going? Unless, mothers do something, then they will win the more of the upperhand than they already have.. Diane, you are right. revenge is not the way to go... but speaking up. pointing out glaring mistakes in the court system, get them out in front of the public might make ajudge think twice before he goes aligning w/ his own species.. it might even make them seek more of the truth in details in each case.. now wouldnt that be a miracle?? Theres that truth thing again.. Smile
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Lisa
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I understand where you are coming from regardinf fathers having more rights that ever. I finally decided to leave my ex because I was tired of being abused, and I did not want my son to grow up thinking ti was ok to treat women like that, and the judge granted us joint custody. Now he gets to see him more than I do, and has yet to pay a dime in child support. We have been in and out of the courts, and it is done nothing but cost me more and more money, and for what for this man to plead with the court for payment arrangements. THis is the same man who put a gun in my mouth, and told me he could kill me as if I were a stranger. But of course that had nothing to dop with his relationship with his son. I have no idea what to do anymore. It seems that he can do no wrong in the courts eyes, and I (the one who gave birth to my son) doesn't matter
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annie
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As with DianeW, my son's biological father who had no interest while I was pregnant or for the first year of my child's life, simply came back into our lives and seems to be able to apply for whatever custody he likes. He has seen him 4 times, then didn't bother for 5 months, and now wants parental rights. It just doesn't seem fair that this can be awarded and that I have to jump when he says so, yet he doesn't have to honour any contact agreement. I need advice as to what I can do from here. I don't trust him and believe he will try to snatch my child and take him abroad (he is from another country), but as a mother don't seem to have any protection or rights. My solicitor seems to believe I have to be agreeable, otherwise the courts will see my objection and grant even further rights. What strategies have others tried.
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Lonna M
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to agree with what is being said here. I am a 34 year-old mom with 5 children and each one of my children has his/her own dad. However I have been married twice, both fathers have taken my children because they claim that I am unfit, I am to lazy to work and in Dec. of 1996 I was diagnosed with having a Bi-Polar mood disorder which at that time I was married to my second husband and when he found out I was everything from being a worthless mother to him using my disorder against me in court in order for him to gain full custody of my 5 year-old son. The story gets better. If this isn't getting the upper hand I have no clue what is. I am willing to listen to any advice.
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nicole
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my most recent court date I have found out the answer to your question is , Yes! Fathers have all these rights and visitation times being designated to them and they are the ones who are looking the best in court. I was told by a judge that I was being too controling and if he had his way he'd give sole custody to my son's father. I just want the best for my son, that is all. Why else would I be in court. All I am dong is enforcing a court order that was forced on me and my son and now I am being the controling one. To top things off, my son's father is not paying child support or giving my son any other needs, but the judge just simply told him to get a job as soon as possible. I see it like this, I don't need an extra babysitter, because I am already paying for one. Thats all these fathers are are babysitters!
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Losingeverything
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One more thing. All i hear about is the father's rights. Where are our rights as mothers?? Why are we not allowed to be and love our children? How come my right to be a mother means nothing? The only thing a mother is allowed to do is pick up the pieces when the father does not care anymore. The only thing a mother is allowed to do is swollow her pride and sign up for welfare. The only thing a mother is allowed to do is stand there and watch as her heart gets torn apart!! That is the only thing we as mothers are allowed to.
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BilliT31
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My ex currently has custody of our son and has recently remarried. I have been killing her with kindness and the nicer I am to her the more contempt she holds against me. It is so very hard to pray for your enemies, but I do.

Visistation has recently been controlled by the stepmom to the point where it is on her terms and when convenient for both she and my ex.

My husband and I live out of state and are pursuing a lawsuit against this, and haven't a clue where to begin. The custoday case took place 6 1/2 years ago in NE. I now reside in NC and my ex in IN. It's confusing I know..but I will fight tooth and nail for my son.

We have discovered the screening of phone calls, where if NC shows on their caller ID, they won't answer. IF my son is permitted to answer the phone, that is the only time I am able to communicate with him. I call several times every day just trying to get through. Sometimes I am lucky enough to talk with him.

Any advice for me. Please post.
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