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Are fathers getting upper hand in child custody.
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Still in Love



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

emalone05,

First take a deep breath and relax... first I hate to tell you this, but he has not left the child... since the child isn't born yet, the courts do not see it as a living child until it takes its first breath of air... so the father's responsibility doesn't begin till birth and he is entitled to his rights...

Secondly, he will not get full summers and once a month any time soon after the baby is born. Since he is in another state, your child will be a resident of Wissconsin when the child is born. The father is likely not going to be present and unable to sign the birth certificate or the affidavit of paternity...

What that means is that if he sues you for visitation, he will have to go through the whole process of proving paternity which can take months... not to mention that he will also have to start paying child support.

If you breast feed, he will not be able to take the child from you for any amount of time due to the fact that you are it's food source. But you can only logically do that for up to a year.

My son's father lives on the west coast and i am on the east coast, and my son had a relationship with his dad when I moved home... and his dad only got 4 visits per year for up to 10 days a visit... and he can come to the east coast once a month to see his son for a weekend.

You do however need to stop thinking about yourself... and start thinking about your child and what is in the best interest of the child... and not what you want or don't want. The reason courts are giving more rights to dads is cause of vengeful, bitter mothers that try to hurt the dads or keep the children from their dads...

It is in the best interest of the child that he have two parents that love him, and get along. They don't have to be inlove with eachother but just be able to co parent together.

Do not give your child to him until you have an actually custody order signed by a judge. Make sure you have an attorney with you that knows your state's and his state's family law guidelines, and make sure you are fair and compromising when the time comes.

But most of all... after the baby is born, contact an attorney.
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kfuller02



Joined: 30 Jul 2009
Posts: 5
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:22 pm    Post subject: Father's Rights Reply with quote

I am in the same boat as a lot of you. My exes new wife controls everything. I have all of the children's vacations as my parenting time, yet me convicted felon ex-husband has them the rest of the time. I live in WA, he lives in OH and last week, when they visited family in WA I allowed him to have the children for a couple of hours. I give his parents here free access to the children when they are with me, but I am penalized my the court for being "controlling" and not allowing HER parents to have any time with them. I do not like her parents, plain and simple. Their daughter is a shrew and I choose not to have them in my life. But I am the bad guy. The new wife states the children are hers, has threatened to file for adoption, has threatened me with CPS on my other two children, is always asking for money, has stolen social security number, etc and I am the bad guy. My ex and I agreed for me to send the kids two days later this summer for financial reasons and I just got an email from her threatening legal action over TWO days. I am in the process of getting yet another attorney, but at the same time, i have been down this road before.
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MadMother



Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:28 pm    Post subject: Men have the advantage Reply with quote

Men have the advantage in everything...courts included. They don't have to be good people, fathers, or anything. If they want custody or regular visits, even half the time making children live half of their lives going between homes, then they get it. When are we going to get mad enough to end this madness?
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jaymiej



Joined: 28 Aug 2009
Posts: 1
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:13 pm    Post subject: moms doing the work Reply with quote

Niki wrote:
It bothers me to hear that after we as single moms raise our child(ren) after so many years gone by..and then the man who was invoved in the birth process called dad wants to come into the picture. Why? Then for the courts to give the father rights to see the child is crazy. The father should have stepped up to the plate in the begining. Now - it should be his lost. But it's when he's ready moms are suppose to understand.
I am currently getting divorced and I raised the kids and did all the work and was paid no support for 4 years just to file for divorce after meeting a man who stepped up to raise my children and now the father ( deadbeat for 4 years ) gets custody because it is alienation to have my kids like the guy who cares for them and started supporting us all .... never did dad do anything and now he has them ... family law in this country is going to crap
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MadMother



Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still in Love wrote:
emalone05,

First take a deep breath and relax... first I hate to tell you this, but he has not left the child... since the child isn't born yet, the courts do not see it as a living child until it takes its first breath of air... so the father's responsibility doesn't begin till birth and he is entitled to his rights...

Secondly, he will not get full summers and once a month any time soon after the baby is born. Since he is in another state, your child will be a resident of Wissconsin when the child is born. The father is likely not going to be present and unable to sign the birth certificate or the affidavit of paternity...

What that means is that if he sues you for visitation, he will have to go through the whole process of proving paternity which can take months... not to mention that he will also have to start paying child support.

If you breast feed, he will not be able to take the child from you for any amount of time due to the fact that you are it's food source. But you can only logically do that for up to a year.

My son's father lives on the west coast and i am on the east coast, and my son had a relationship with his dad when I moved home... and his dad only got 4 visits per year for up to 10 days a visit... and he can come to the east coast once a month to see his son for a weekend.

You do however need to stop thinking about yourself... and start thinking about your child and what is in the best interest of the child... and not what you want or don't want. The reason courts are giving more rights to dads is cause of vengeful, bitter mothers that try to hurt the dads or keep the children from their dads...

It is in the best interest of the child that he have two parents that love him, and get along. They don't have to be inlove with eachother but just be able to co parent together.

Do not give your child to him until you have an actually custody order signed by a judge. Make sure you have an attorney with you that knows your state's and his state's family law guidelines, and make sure you are fair and compromising when the time comes.

But most of all... after the baby is born, contact an attorney.



Yeah, right. In wilmington, NC there was a recent case where a diaper wearing dad (fetish) got the newborn every other weekend. And yes she was breast feeding.
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badeth



Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 1
State or Province: Alabama

PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The courts have started to realize that there are simply times when the father is the better parent to handle the majority of the needs of the child. However, not all cases of the father winning custody involve a mother that is unfit, but it is common. But just as some cases find a mother who is better suited to custody, some cases find a father that is better suited as well.
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MadMother



Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In most cases, (volunteer child advocate for the courts here) mothers are better parents. Men and women are different. Women are nurturers and most often the ones at home raising the children. There is a reason for that. However, a growing trend is to split kids in half like pieces of property or give custody to the father with a perfectly fit mother. Is this more of the same old boys network now moving to custody issues or men having most of the money again?
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Trujack



Joined: 11 Nov 2009
Posts: 1
State or Province: Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:07 pm    Post subject: Fathers are getting the upper hand Reply with quote

Never married and filed a custody lawsuit the very day I notified him that I was filing a personal injury lawsuit against him for battery. First meeting with the judge, he knew the judge and didn't notify anyone beforehand. He just smiled as the judge excused himself from our case and said "I was afraid that was going to happen". We requested his financials 7 months ago and he still hasn't produced them, nor has the judge forced him to provide them. Given that he rarely saw our child for the first 1.5 years and only recently even bought a bed and toys for him, the parenting time consultant has agreed to every single request this man has made, despite several objections on my part. He is suing for Full legal and full physical but when asked when he wanted to see our son, he said 3 hours on Tuesday and every other weekend - that is when he is not traveling for leisure, which is at a minimum two weekends a month. I've told the consultant about his abuse against me and even gave her court records from his ex-wife during a previous custody case and she cited the exact same things and it still made no difference. His ex-wife told me to RUN and if I couldn't run to just give in because there was "no justice". She said she fought him for 3.5 years and he got everything he wanted and she got heartache and an empty bank account. 7 months into it, I should have taken her advice. There isn't any justice. We can hold our breath, wish for the best and be the best mothers we can be while our children in our care. Harsh reality to accept, but it's harsher to hope otherwise.
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MadMother



Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Posts: 4
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:00 pm    Post subject: Damn it. Reply with quote

I'm so sorry to hear your story. It infuriates me. When are we women going to form a union and give a one-two punch to this system? I'm in if anyone has any ideas. These are our children and we are the mothers. Let's fight!
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Sommer41



Joined: 30 Nov 2009
Posts: 11
State or Province: Not Applicable

PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have just joined this forum and have seen so many stories here and many other places where mothers, fathers, grandparents and many other family members have lost contact with children and of course, children have lost loving relationships.

In my experience, there can be no better parent, it is not a competition between a waring mother and father, but court systems all over the world make this happen.

I was a child of a bitter custody battle, 31 years ago, where my father gained custody, this was because my own mother was unfit to take care of me. Back then, in 1978, I had to go to court, be questioned and had to speak up as a 10 year old child that my mother could not take care of me.

I also am a mother who lost custody, and here are the operative words, 'won' and 'lost'

Why does there have to be a winner and a loser in these battles?

Why can a judge say that one parent is better equipped than the other?

Because they can. Courts have had to fight against for years, that they are accused of favouring the mother and that the mother is better able to take care of the child/children when that is simply not true. A father can also, my own father took better care of me than my own mother could ever possibly aspire to. I was lucky, my father had a partner who supported him and became a mother to me, a wonderful grandmother to my own children. That is not because she 'wanted me' it is because she could see that the man she loved was trying to do the best for his children.

That was because she was ill, yet my father had to make a choice, to care for us, he did that, not because he was against my mother, but because he could see that she was unable to care for me, only having contact with her at the weekends. That fizzled out as she sank deeper and deeper into her sad state of mind, but he has never once said a bad word about her, he could see his daughter not being cared for.

And there are lawyers, who can sniff out a battle from 100 miles, it is a money maker, and why do they make money? Because we, provide them with the bait.

I myself fought for custody of my own children for five years, it exhausted me, it traumatised me, it almost killed me, until I looked at myself one day, and thought 'No wonder my children do not want to be with me, I don't want to be with me'

That was the equilavent of someone snapping their fingers in front of my face, a wake up call.

I had fired three lawyers in anger, because they could not see what I could see, I launched major complaints to the Court welfare officer department about their standards, but I got nowhere.

In the end, I took a step back because I knew I was their mother and I could only be that. I did not see my children for five years. It is only in the last year, that I have been in contact with my daughter, slowly but surely, she is asking questions, I have given her the opportunity to get out what hurt and anguish she has felt as a little girl, but she loves her father, she loves me and wants us both, yet she was, by us, subjected to the most appalling battle between two parents who thought that was the best at the time. It clearly was not.

My ex husband has lots of guilt now, because of what he put me through and what she is feeling, even though he has had her with him for five years and his partner. I have never once slagged off her father to her, simply explaining that we both did not handle it well. But now it is time to rebuild and move forward.

He wanted money, when we split, he had me chased for child support and I refused to pay it, child support and child contact are two separate matters.

Yet many people believe that they are not, that one can have their child when they pay up.

We as parents give the courts the rights to execute these ridiculous contact orders, that are breached, yet they can do nothing about, we furnish the lawyers with the ability to make money, because we are emotionally fuelled because it is our children that we 'want to fight for'

I stopped fighting for my children, I knew their father loved them, despite his own behaviour towards me, he can care for them and has, but he also could not see further than the end of his nose. In his anger toward me he stopped hurting me and continued hurting them, he has to live with that I do not, yet I tell him it is okay.

I did not stop fighting because I did not want them, I stopped fighting because it was tearing them apart, and I proved to them with letters, over the years, so they could keep up with my life, even though I had no response, I continued.

We get wrapped up in blaming the system and it is appalling, but I snatched control back, I was not the better parent, I did not want to win, I wanted my children to have a healthy, balanced relationship with both parents, if not, how were they ever going to have balanced healthy relationships as adults themselves?

Fathers have not the upper hand, nor do mothers, it is damn unfair at times, but really? We are in control of our own children, courts cannot prevent us from writing to them, cannot prevent us from calling them, cannot prevent us from receiving reports from their schools and not prevent us from being parents.

It is us that allow them to, and the less people that walk up those court steps and rely on family law systems to sort it out, the less chance it has of working.

It took me five years to gain contact with my daughter, my son is still too traumatised to speak, but he knows I am there, my daughter is one who wants to talk, who wants to get it out of her system and will cry out, but the best thing after five years of hell are the words 'Mum, I love you'

No court can ever take that away from me, no bitter ex husband can ever take those words from me, no lawyer can ever charge me in six minute increments for his time, those words are what I needed to hear for five long hellish years.

It works, because we allow it to. Fathers, mothers, grandparents, who have lost contact go to the legal system for help, and here we have a forum of people who have lost contact because we have walked up those court steps, hoping to 'win' our children.

What wins through, is not a lawyer who has had his pocket filled and a happy parent walking down the court steps with a 'win' and their children, not the judge, but love, patience and a hell of a lot of love, no matter what an objectionable ex says about the other parent in a courtroom to an audience is of no matter, love of a parent, be it a mother, father will always end up being the person who wins. And more importantly the child or children will have the security of both parents.

My aim is to remove the 'custody' wins. It is to promote that whatever the pain, whatever has gone on, is it not about the children and them having a relationship with both parents?
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loving mom



Joined: 16 Dec 2009
Posts: 7
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 1:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are recently lots of new movements like fatherhood movement or fatherís right. They get a lots of help and interesting is that they get help even from moms, yes these sort of so called moms or women help the fathers to win the custody against helpless mother. Do everything to help these sorts of movements and bring lots of dirty accusations against moms to help fathers in custody battles.
My experience and 5 other of her current cases is about a parenting Evaluator, name Laurie Olson Gains. She is pro fathers and works for Fathers rights organization. So in a numb, overloaded corrupt system, where normally judges follow Galís Evaluations or recommendations you can see a lots of corruption or mentally sick Evaluators like Greenberg, who commits suicide at the end and the court system doesnít do anything to undo his unfair bias and dangerous evaluations. They knew that he was mentally sick but because they donít want to spend time for justice they let the cases be as before. Another case like Laurie Olson Gaines, where you cannot find any evaluation of her in momís favor and she is %100 pro fathers, the system rather to stay blind toward these sorts of actions in the name of justice!!!
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Angela.McFetridge



Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Posts: 2
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 1:33 pm    Post subject: Scary Stuff Reply with quote

I definitely see the trend shifting to pro-father's rights in the court system, to the point of taking away mother's rights, as well as children's rights.

I fought in the court system in Florida for many years, and the judge was VERY biased for the father in my case. Like many others here, he was abusive, and only wanted the child in effort to hurt me. My situation got so bad I left the United States and now, I can not go home. I have written a book about my experience, the abuse, the court system. I hope that my book will help other women to be strong and fight- never give up!

Check out my website, www.angelamcfetridge.com for more info on the book.

I am looking forward to being an active member of this site!
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loving mom



Joined: 16 Dec 2009
Posts: 7
State or Province: Washington

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Doe's anyone know about pimpimng your way out by selling prfessional values done by Laurie Olson Gaines?
This woman seem to be a mentaly sick Gaurdian ad Litem. She uses lots of drugs even standing on the stand for her testemony!
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stillhere



Joined: 07 Mar 2010
Posts: 2
State or Province: Arizona

PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am currently going through an unbelievable child custody case and went up against the Fathers Rights Organization Friday (not knowingly) by showing up to a meeting of somesort I was told to attend. I am a single mother who has raised an almost 11 year old daughter on my own with NO support whatsoever from bio father and very little from others. Luckily I was self employed and managed to get this far well in my opinion.
My current nightmare began last March, 2009 when the bio father (not listed on birth certificate) sent me a letter from a prison cell stating we would be reunited wholly and completely as he had prayed for 680 days and God does nothing in half measures. I responded .... umm....no. He got a jail house lawyer to file paternity, custody, visitation and more. He wasn't even on the birth certificate. He was released 8/31/09. Our whole lives have fallen apart and we have been bullied by him and this evangelic extremist lawyer from some home based church who lies like a rug and gets off on making women seem unfit! She's a woman! I have done nothing wrong as a mother in any way and being faced with this person to be in our lives due to these insane equal rights laws.
I will be involved in any demonstration I can be to help stop this train wreck they claim to be in the best interests of the children. I drafted a letter which I plan on sending to TV stations in my area this coming week and to anyone influencial that will listen. I won't be afraid any longer. I will copy and paste it to this if I can figure it out.

March 6, 2010



Re: SB1314 = Senate Bill 1314 (this means it has already gone through the senate)

To Whom It May Concern:

Do you know the definition of a "FIT PARENT" by law in the state of Arizona? It was stated by a man at the committee meeting below, he was told "if his ex didn't have a needle hanging out of her neck in the courtroom, she would be deemed fit". This also goes for men. Did you know a parent could threaten to murder you and your child but as long as enough time goes by, they are deemed fit. Did you know an incarcerated prisoner is deemed fit as long as they are staying out of trouble in prison and the crime is non-repetitive, non-violent, no matter how many felonies they are found guilty of? Did you know 7+ felonies are considerred non-repetitive? Did you know a person who has never contributed to the life of a child but may have committed some domestic violence over an 11 year period, has been diagnosed with multiple serious mental illnesses but it was 11 years ago, is a fit parent? Did you know someone who admits to having a relationship with the devil since age 5 and the devil has been trying to take them down their whole life and they keep the devil at bay by saying "Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ" is a fit parent? Now put all those above issues together and consider the person is one and the same and still is considerred a fit parent!

Yesterday I spoke before the Domestic Relations Committee regarding this bill. This was personally humiliating to admit my family court dilemmas publicly yet somewhat empowering since I felt heard finally and possibly am able to help myself and others as has been my lifes passion. I have never in my life spoken before a committee like this but I found the Arizona Fathers Rights Forum stating the need for attendees at this meeting and I was compelled to be there. I had no idea where or what there was until I actually got there.

There were men present who told their stories of mothers receiving sole custody with visitation given to the fathers which left them feeling shorted from their childrens lives. Just like we cannot make everyone happy all the time, we need to accept until other protective measures are put into place this bill is presented with 'good intent' with an obvious outcome of potential destruction to the children involved to appease these fathers. In my situation the outcome would be destructive and not in the best interest of the child. We pass these bills stating 'in the best interest of the children' and vote on this as if society is all healthy, loving and caring without malicious intent. Yet there is no protection in the wording of this bill from what the news tells us daily. We lock the doors to our cars, to our homes and have protection on our computers from the vast random attacks of evil doers and these are just a few of the precautions we now take in the 21st century to protect ourselves from the abusers of our laws. These same abusers of our laws unfortunately can be part of the creation of a child. (note I chose those words carefully) WHY WOULD WE NOT PROTECT OUR CHILDREN IN MUCH THE SAME WAY? I use the analogy of locking our doors as this must be the starting point of our society unfortunately as this is our reality at this time. We must check the door prior to opening it with the children. We should not leave it wide open as this bill does for potential dangers or even strangers to come through until we have checked and verified their intention. This bill needs to be stopped immediately! Alternatives need to be presented. I am in agreement with the courts sanctioning the person to pay the attorneys fees of false accusations made by another of one parent being unfit as I believe we must start somewhere to deter the use of the courts to continue the lies against another party since perjury is widely known to be overlooked and this could be a step in the right direction on that subject.

We need public awareness of these issues that are affecting the lives of the children in our state and our country. Maybe you would receive more input regarding family court matters. Should we start by better defining "fit parent" or how about actually penalizing perjury on affidavits or sworn statements. Those are not gender based suggestions. Discomfort to some is not as bad as absolute destruction to others. I have no idea why my little family was made to suffer so severely when I needed my judicial system for the first time in my life. I also acted on the advice of my legal and medical authorities. It is true had I not done as they advised and any negative events had occurred, I would have been charged with negligence but later my legal system failed me and my child. I believed if you do your best with good intent, it would all work out. Are we just an exception or is this happening regularly?

The mother grows the child in her womb and gives birth if she so choses and has the first right of what to do with her body by federal law when pregnancy occurs. Thus controversial abortion topics. So I say start there and work our way out in these unfortunately high conflict cases as I believe this is 'in the best interest of all children'. I am attempting to be heard on behalf of all sufferers of abuse at the hands of the their spouse and or domestic partners. I am attempting to be heard on behalf of the children who do not know this so called fit other parent they are forced to suddenly jointly be with. I am writing on behalf of the children with special needs who do not know this other parent unequipped to care for them as they have no experience with their special needs. I am writing on behalf of the children who have been sexually, physically abused by any parent whom they fear and have no voice. I am writing on behalf of the mothers who made the decision not to have an abortion when the father wanted nothing to do with the child and the mother is being hushed from receiving child support for fear this person automatically gets to pay her back by taking her child half the time. Does a simple DNA test make a person act in the best interest of the child? Fathers Rights groups are all over this and mothers are no where to be found. This is truly not about man or woman but about safety and protection of the children. I would never have known about this bill had I not seen it on the "Fathers Rights" forum. There was one person of the public other than myself speaking on behalf of the potential dangers of the passing of this bill. Just because a mother carries and gives her body for the birth of her children doesn't mean she is fit but generally that is the case. We need to stop appeasing and start getting real. Protect the children first. Even if these people have the right, we must ask ourselves IS IT REALLY RIGHT? Unfortunately we must remember to be cautious when opening any door for the most part. As a parent, we must parent, as a guardian, we must guard, as a mother, we must mother, as a father, we must father. Those are all verbs to me. DNA is a noun.

Feel free to give me feedback as I have been working with half the brain cells I started out with due to stress. Very Happy
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lucysmommy07



Joined: 08 May 2010
Posts: 3
State or Province: Oregon

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 3:11 am    Post subject: ugh Reply with quote

my ex recently took our daughter who i have raised on my own since before she was one well recently he got a new gf and took her from me, its been three weeks since i have seen her ive filed every paper possible with the court house and since theres no established custody its just who ever has her they wont give me any help even though he has two duiis his mom has no licence and his new gf does drugs, they just keep tellin me to get a lawyer. i dont have much money and lawyers dont help for free
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