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wondering if itís all my fault

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Joined: 19 May 2006
Posts: 1
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:12 pm    Post subject: wondering if itís all my fault Reply with quote

Iím so tired of going through this "Jerry Springer" drama.. Now Iím wondering if itís all my fault.

In March of this year I had a one night stand with my ex boyfriend. One month later I discovered I was pregnant. I told him immediately. I knew he was involved in a relationship so I told him I wasnít trying to hurt his relationship. I told him I wanted him to be honest and tell his current girlfriend about the baby. All I wanted was him to be there for me. He promised he would.

A week later he called me telling me they broke up and that it was me he always wanted to be with. We had not been together in nearly two years before the one night stand. Stupid me believed him and started seeing him regularly. Little did I know her job kept her out of town during the week, which is why he was able to spend his week days/nights with me.

Things were alright between us. Two weeks ago I received my first sonogram and decided to tell everyone I was pregnant (not telling anyone who the father was). One of the persons I told I was pregnant mentioned that her friend (my "now" boyfriends ex girlfriend) was also pregnant. I was sad because he didnít tell me. Also according to her they were still together. I felt I had to be honest and talk to her. My main concern was finding out if they were still together. I spoke with her and discovered they were still together. I broke down telling her everything and apologized for the one night stand I had with him. She understood that after that time we were both being "played". I received a call at two oíclock the following day from my "now" boyfriend cursing me out for calling her and telling her I was pregnant. He would not acknowledge my hurt feelings about me being "played". All he could see is that I messed up his good thing because she is basically taking care of him.

I heard nothing more from either of them until today. She called me and asked how soon can I take a paternity test because he told her it is not his child, that he hasn't been with me in three years and that I made this all up because I donít want to see him with another woman. I told her I was hurt because he knows I havenít been with anyone else this year. I also asked her why would I try to pin the baby on a guy who I know will not support me in the future and who doesnít love me enough to be honest with me? At this point she told me she was breaking up with him because of all the lies he has been telling her. Within an hour after SHE call me, he called me screaming that I am trying to destroy his life. Saying that I should find something or someone else and to stop calling his girlfriend. I tried to tell him that SHE was the one who called me - but he hung up in my face and I no longer have a number to contact him..

Iím wondering if all of this is my fault because the week before he told me they had broke up, he told me to give him time to tell her about the baby. He said that he and I were going to raise the baby together. He even went with me to my first prenatal exam. I'm depressed thinking I should have left well enough alone.
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Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Posts: 52
State or Province: New Jersey

PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 8:47 am    Post subject: Poor choices Reply with quote

No, this is not your fault entirely. Sometimes we just make poor choices

Yes you hooked up with the wrong person and he is a dog boy (stress the boy part). He sounds like a kid. He doesn't know who or what he wants.

Hopefully after all this you can just learn from it and not make the same mistake with men like this.

Consider yourself blessed for not having him in your life. You really don't want someone with these morals, habits, or behavior in your life (go on assistance before you go back with someone like this).
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Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 9
State or Province: Alaska

PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 6:10 pm    Post subject: NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! Reply with quote

Hey! Do NOT blame yourself for this guy's dishonesty and instability! Please! And his crappy lies are his own bad karma, not yours. Even his girlfriend knows you're not to blame. He's a bad egg! I would separate from this guy and concentrate on making your pregnancy as rewarding as possible. Turn your head and don't look back.
And there is a paternity test that can be taken while you're pregnant, but it's expensive and DANGEROUS. Your baby's health is not worth proving yourself right now. Just ignore all the crap. I had a similar situation in that my son was a condom baby, so my son's father told the whole town that he'd "never slept with (me)" and that I was trying to trap him. I had to endure my reputation being burned down while I waited for my son's birth. but you know what? it made me STRONG. I laugh at his stupidity now, but at the time it hurt so bad that of course i had to (ahem) write a book for single pregnant women.
My recommendation: don't even talk to him. After the baby's born, go to Child Support Enforcement Division. They will authorize a paternity test-- you will not have to pay. When he's found to be th father, he will have to pay 20% of his paycheck. You will have all the rights, and he will have to prove himself to be worthy in order to have a relationship with your child. Don't give away your power, and don't crack under the pressure!
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