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desperately wanting a child

 
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lala71



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:32 am    Post subject: desperately wanting a child Reply with quote

I've recently turned 35 years old and have yet to meet mr. right. I've come to the conclusion that that may never happen, and I can live with that. However, I can't live without being a mother. I've considered adoption, but that idea just left something lacking. I have two sisters, both of whom have children, and have been a part of every one of their pregnancies. I just don't want to miss out on that part of it. Being raised in a religious home, I know not many people would agree with the decision to pursue this on my own, but we don't live for other people now do we. I have a strong support system with my family. My mother and sisters are all for it. My main concern is that I possibly waited too long and won't be able to conceive through artificial means, and the out come it would have on the child to possibly never meet their biological father. I could get married later. We as women have all the time in the world for that, but unfortnately there is a time table to have a child. I would greatly appreciate any advice, stories ,and any info anyone would like to give. Thank you so much...
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MaryM



Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Posts: 52
State or Province: New Jersey

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do it. Do it Do it. You still have time for adoption. If you meet Mr. Right a 42 you will still be able to adopt. I just adopted a child at 42. I met Mr. Right at 35, spent the next 5 years going though fertility with nothing but failures. I was fortunate that I had a child previously, but my husband did not have any children of his own. I feel bad for him but he is ok with it.

35 is the start of when our clocks really start to tick. The good news is many women have children well into their 40s with the fertility techniques they have now days. Most have more success then me.

If your child is loved and taken care of you I dont think not knowing their biological father will be an issue. My recently adopted child will not know either biological parent and I am not worried about her. She will receive all the love and attention any child can ever want.

Id say if you have the desire, money and family backing Do it.
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lala71



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 10:06 am    Post subject: thank you Reply with quote

Thank you Mary for the kind words and support. I'm sure I will adopt a child before my life is over. You are so right, we have plenty of time to adopt but not that much time to conceive. My faith is strong, and have searched my heart and see nothing wrong with single women being inseminated. It's a hot topic I guess and so many people are against it. There are people in my family that would put their nose up. Single women shouldn't be punished because they haven't met the right one yet. So many religious people say it's okay for a married couple, but not single indidviduals. Everyone is intitled to their oppinion. I just didn't want to be selfish because of my own needs. I would never want to hurt my child. One of my sisters told me last night that in adoption, the child may never know either birth parents, but this way at least they would know and be raised by one. Thank you again for your support. This is all so new to me. I'm in the process of finding a fertility doctor to see for a consultation. It's so exciting, but so scary at the same time. I'm so blessed though to have a mother and two sisters that are on my side. They are already deciding who is going to be the coach.. Very Happy Bless you and your daughter. Thank you again...

Lori
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icemaiden11



Joined: 15 Jul 2006
Posts: 1
State or Province: Not Applicable

PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Lala,

Go for it girl! I think society has changed a lot in the past few years and people aren't as shocked about the idea of a woman becoming a mother on her own as you might think. I have been really surprised by the reactions I've had from friends and family and feel very supported. I felt just like you in the beginning - was worried everyone would think I was selfish and I even cried when I told my doctor my plans but he was fantastic and said I'd make a lovely mum! So will you because you really really want a child.

Maz x
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lala71



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 7:35 am    Post subject: =) Reply with quote

Thank you so much for your reply. It makes me feel so much better to hear the stories of those who have gone and are going before me. Good luck to you and may you and your child be blessed. Keep me posted, as I will you. It's awesome to have support from women in the same boat. Take care, and thank you again...
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JanetM



Joined: 21 Dec 2005
Posts: 10
State or Province: New Jersey

PostPosted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would do it. Kids are the greatest joy in the world. I have a couple friends right around 40 and are still single. I talked to them about having some fertized eggs frozen for later -- if they meet mr. right they could try to carry or have a surrogate. Of course, they think I'm kinda crazy-- but better to talk to them about it now then later.
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lala71



Joined: 12 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
State or Province: Texas

PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:02 am    Post subject: thank you Reply with quote

Janet, thank you for your reply. I've been torn as to what to do. Unfortunately we as women just don't have all the time we want. I'm truly leaning toward going for it. I have peace in my heart and the happiest day of my life would be looking down at that child for the first time. That void I have in my heart would be filled. Thank you all for your replies and support. It means so much and I wish the best to you all.. Take care.
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mjs



Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Posts: 1
State or Province: New Hampshire

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:55 pm    Post subject: Go for it Reply with quote

I too, have realized at age 36, that prince charming isn't coming. I recently ended a 2+ year relationship with the guy I thought was "the one" because it became clear that he was never going to be "ready" to have a family. So, I have made the decision to go the artificial insemination route. I have only shared my thoughts with a few people, and all have been wildly supportive. My doctor is also fantastic.

So, I have started down the path and so far all my testing has gone well and I have narrowed down my sperm donor list to a top 3.

Fingers crossed for a bun in the oven by January!
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MaryM



Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Posts: 52
State or Province: New Jersey

PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good luck. I think you are doing the right thing. You have only one life to live -- if you have the love, finaces and supportive family -- there is no reason not too.

Also, being a single mother can open up other lanes for meeting man who actually like children. It turned out good for me.
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