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Will fathers ever do the right thing?

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Joined: 22 Aug 2006
Posts: 2
State or Province: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:01 am    Post subject: Will fathers ever do the right thing? Reply with quote

My history with my ex goes way back. But it's tied into how I feel now. I was 15 and stupid. He was 21. Fell in love, became pregnant and, by 17, I was married with family. For years he refused to work, and cheated on me several times. What was hurtful, was that he wasn't just messing with my head coming and going, he was hurting our son as well. Nov. 2005 we tried to work it out after him leaving the third time. A month later, he abandoned us in our new apartment with nothing, not a bed or even a fridge. 3 months later, he called and told me he had a girlfriend, wanted a divorce and oh yeah, she's about 3 months pregnant. All this after telling me how much he loved me the night before. Damn pig. He didn't send a dime for months, but I received those divorce papers quick enough. After a few more months of struggling financially due to lack of job, I took him to court for support. It's been a month now that I've been receiving support and he's already trying to back out of it!!! The audacity of this man is outstanding. The fact that he asked me to close our case and accept lower payments from him was incredibly funny. What was even funnier still, was he tried to have me sympathize with him. Due to his rent, light, food, 2 car insurance payments, house phone and cell phone, cable and new baby bills, he is left with $10 at the end of his pay check and barely has enough for formula.
My son lives in a home with electricity. Nothing else. No cable, no phone. An air mattress his aunt bought him and hand me down furniture is what he has. A fridge came months later when my sister purchased it for us. I use to have furniture but every time he abandoned us, I would have to move and would get rid of it. So now, I have nothing to call my own. Still, that isn't his problem. So why then, is his problems suddenly my own? Why then should my son pay for choices that his father made? His future wife once told me she has more money than my entire family. So, whats the drama now? Also, he had no problem letting me support him for years, what's the drama now? WIC was good for me but not for her? Because he wanted a new family, his son should suffer? I know I should be working but I live in Pennsylvania with no car, a bus that barely runs and, without a babysitter, a limited schedule. (I have to work around my son or else he'll be running the streets) I feel hopeless sometimes but I know theres a light at the end of the tunnel. My ex was always a selfish jerk but he swears he's changed now. As if! Just asking me to do this proves he only sees himself in the mirror. He couldn't keep a roof over our head or pay a damn bill. I worked my behind off for minimum wage, even though he's capable of making more than that, while he stood at home with our son playing video games. Now he wants to be a man for his new family!!! His family hates me because everything I say is true. But I don't care cause most of them lack common sense or decency. The s$%^ I have to deal with is insane! Today he called me to tell me he called the courts and they will take his second child into consideration. But he rather me close the case and send me $200 a month since he believes the courts will lower it so much more. Apparently, he doesn't want to "dick" our son anymore! I know that what he says is true, they will take his second child into consideration, but how much more will they lower my sons payments? I get $294 a month. A decent amount but what can I do to help them see that he and the child's mother are doing so much better than my son and shouldn't lower it drastically! My son has needs as well. We all made choices in this life. I chose to have my son at 16. He chose for me to have him as well. He wanted him, here he is! My ex's girlfriend chose to have an affair with a married man with a child. Why then is she acting like he deserves less than her own child, "miss moneymaker". I now have the full responsibility of being my child's sole caretaker. I alone, worry how he will be fed, how he does in school etc. Life isn't fair and I know this, but why would a father want to have their child suffer only to save a few bucks at the end of the week? They have cell phones and 2 cars! An apartment in New York. House phone and even cable television! So my son should get less because of this! Because my ex can't buy formula. Such BULL. They are doing fine! Am I going to have to not only be my child's sole-caretaker, but also take care of him financially on my own as well? And the messed up s$%^ is, how do I even know thats my ex's baby. He met her in a bar, got drunk, did her and she was pregnant instantly! He won't take a test though. Swears that it's his. But regardless, when will fathers realize that children should come first even if they have to be cellphone less to take care of all their children equally? I love my son and I'll figure this out somehow. I just need to vent my frustration somewhere. And this seemed like the place to do it.
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Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 2
State or Province: North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a son who is 31. He had a one night stand at 18 and produced a set of twins. Mom doesn't work. She is remarried and has another child. Imagine that.

My son has paid child support for 11 years and arrears from the first year of their lives ( she collected AFDC) when he did not even know they existed. They tested so many boys it took them a while to get to him. He has always paid, even when he has been hospitalized. Has never been to court for non payment.

Oh, and by the way he had to take her to court for visitation and has been very involved in their lives since they were 1 year old. When the DNA test came back.

My problem right now is I really hate my grandchildrens mother. She is lazy and greedy. She has never worked. She has no intention of working. My son is supposed to survive on less than $500.00 per month? Meanwhile, she gets the support increased to $591.00 and buys a 2004 Yucon?

I seriously hopes she wrecks it and dies. When I die, my grandchildren will get nothing. The only way my son gets what I leave him is with the agreement that he leaves them NOTHING also. These are the only biological grandchildren I will ever have. I have done more than my duty to them and so has my son. It breaks my heart that I will never have a REAL grandchild. Instead of giving the Mother $400.00 for Santa this year and them buying gifts at my house this year, she gets nothing and I will buy them $10.00 gift certificates from McDonalds.

No more they want to play band and we buy instruments. From now on extra money all goes to my son. If momma don't buy it for them, then that's just too bad.

I raised my son right. He has been a father both financially and morally but where did that get him? I hate her and I am less then impressed with having grandchildren with her genetics!
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Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 44
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a Grand daughter who's mother I cannot stand either, but I would never take it out on that little precious girl. She did not ask to be born, but she is here and she is half of my son.I for 1 would lay my life down for any and all of my grand children no matter who is the other half of their genetics.
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