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He can't make his mind up.

 
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Rosanne



Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Posts: 2
State or Province: Georgia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 8:01 pm    Post subject: He can't make his mind up. Reply with quote

Im 17. I was in love with this guy, and we ended up getting pregnant. I was the shame of my family, and for about 2 months, I was just a complete wreck. I was angry, and never happy. I got counseling, calmed down, and now Im just waiting for the baby to be born. However, the guy 'abandoned' me. He couldnt take the heat, so to say, and he left and found another girl, who he now cares more about then he ever did for me. He has told me ...twice... that he wants to be a part of the babies life, but he cant even take care of him self. He has no support system, and now that my family has gotten over the grief, they are nonstop supportive. He does pot, not alot but enough, I suppose. He smokes cigarettes like the world is about to end, and I dont want my baby around that. He drives like a maniac and has told me he wasnt going to stop driving like that with or without a child. He doesnt think he has any responsibilities until the baby is born, so I've cut most ties with him. I want sole custody because Im scared for my baby, horribly scared. No one can give me reassurance, or even some what of an answer. I had decided not to put his name on the birth certificate, but I want him to help with child support, so that option isnt really there anymore. Also, his father doesn't want him to have custody, its obvious in the way he talks about his son, and his mom just wants me to do whats best. Niether of them talk about wanting him to do whats best, they are more worried about me.

What in the world do I do?
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myzima2000



Joined: 07 Feb 2006
Posts: 74
State or Province: South Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 6:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

well i am very happy your family has come around to support you. having a baby is fun but hard work and you will need a good support system as far as the father goes if he does any kind of drugs it is best the baby is not a lone with him even if it is just pot because they are cracking down on the drugs and if you know that he is doing drugs and he has the baby with him you will be just as liable because you knew he was doing drugs as far as child support goes you should be able to make him pay because he is the father you dont have to be married to recieve child support but do be aware he may get visitaiton whether he uses it or not i would start preparing to have him drug tested through the courts so you can get supervised visitation. and make him get drug tested you may need to find some people that will vouch for his drug use i had to go through similar issue with my ex husband and i got supervise visitation. just hang in there you can raise this child all by yourself i know your young but protecting your child is worth it if i can be any help please email me at myzima2000@yahoo.com i also have a website for a non profit organization i am trying to start up the website is www.familyrightsadvocacy.com any way just keep your head up if you have to their are govement programs that you can recieve until you get on your feet good luck
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Rosanne



Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Posts: 2
State or Province: Georgia

PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its not only his drug use that worries me though, its the way he is acting now, the way he treats me. He hasn't called me since tuesday, and the little things like that worry me.
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myzima2000



Joined: 07 Feb 2006
Posts: 74
State or Province: South Carolina

PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 8:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yea i know what you are feeling i have not heard from my ex since jan of this year and he has not seen my son since then either. but you just have to stay on your guard and document everything that happens i dont care how little you think it is document phone calls anything that you think may be useful to your case i know it seems silly or a lot of work but it may be useful in the near future and just keep your guard up i hope this helps a little bit good luck
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Oliviasmom



Joined: 03 May 2006
Posts: 25
State or Province: Arizona

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, he is the father and he does have rights. Next time be a little more careful on who you get pregnant by.

He only will have rights is paternity has been established. So as long as he does not sign the birth paperwork, and you do not go on gov't assistance, you do not have to let him see the child.

Once you file for state assistance, or child support, he will have rights to the child. If I were you, I would do my best to raise this baby on my own without his help.

Blow him off and worry about how you are going to support this child on your own.

If he does serve you papers wanting a paternity test, then you have no choice but to comply.
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sandy20



Joined: 06 Nov 2006
Posts: 11
State or Province: Maryland

PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Roseanne,

Maybe it would be best to get some time away from this guy.

He sounds like someone who only cares about his own self and his own needs right now (not mature enough).

About how many months are you now?
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Mickeymouse5472



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 24
State or Province: Utah

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 1:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel for you, I am in a similar situation. First of all you will have full custody of the child until the father fights for his rights. Until then you dont have to let him see the baby. You can file for child support and if its proven that he is the father he will have to pay. You still dont have to let him see the child unless he files for his rights. If he does fight for his rights, I would tell the judge that you would like supervised visits with the child, because he does drugs and ect.
If you get along with the parents really good, I would talk to them about leting the father visit with the child only when they are there with him. He may see how much work babies are and decide not to be involed in the childs life.
If this guy is a jerk I would just move on and raise the child on my own. Dont talk to him, or let him get to you. Don't be off guard though. If he files for his rights make sure that you get a lawer!
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TAMEE



Joined: 28 Jun 2007
Posts: 10
State or Province: West Virginia

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Well, he is the father and he does have rights. Next time be a little more careful on who you get pregnant by.


Unfortunately the courts claim he has rights in an honest world he doesn't if he isn't able and willing. Being I got pregnant by 2 losers sometime it is after the fact there true colors shine. In WV not sure about other states all it takes in court to establish paternity is admittance by both parties that's establishing paternity. Also, I filed for CS and he wasn't on the b/c and the actual admittance to paternity apparently has never been even documented as far as my court order or anything I never signed a paper on the admittance of paternity in court or otherwise. So u may still be able to get it w/ or w/o him being on the b/c or admitting to paternity. The CS may request it, but then they may not. Make sure the day the baby is born the CS papers go in. That way it is one less court issue to deal with. If he is young and dumb then he probably wount have the $ for a lawyer or want to bother with it. All man claim to want to be there for the baby but when baby comes it's like who me!

Do document everything. If he isn't willing to help stay away and screw him I swear u will wish u did just stay away. I would have much rather not even of told my kids dads.
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