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I need some advice for my daughter

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Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 1
State or Province: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 7:31 pm    Post subject: I need some advice for my daughter Reply with quote

My daughter has a beautiful child, age 5. She is single, baby was born out of wedlock. She is a good mom, the dad is a good dad. She has been with this child since birth, he worked first year out of town and was home on weekends. Then they were together for 2 years on and off. Then they have been separated for the past 1 1/2 years. While she was pregnant she found out he was having a girlfriend on the side. He is paranoid, calling her all hours of the night, accsusing her of having men over all the time (she doesn't) He is the one wiht all the girlfriends now. My question is, he decided to file for primary custody after all this time since my daughter got a boyfriend. My daughter has a safe secure home (apartment) and her child has thier own bedroom. Her ex boyfriend lives at home with his parents and stays over night at his girlfriends too. He is jealous of the new man in my daughters life and is afraid this man will take his place, we are sure this is why after all this time he is filing. What kind of a chance do you think he has? He lied in the Complaint for Custody. We have to get a lawyer to help her as she doesn't have money for one on her own. Any advice anyone can give to help us help her woudl be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.
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Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 9
State or Province: Kentucky

PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know this was a long time ago, but I need to point out something in case anyone reads this in the same situation.

Everything depends on the judge, there is no standard, but the majority of judges I've dealt with are old men. And old men are old fashioned. They don't like unwed women living with men, even if they don't mind unwed men having multiple relationships.

For example:

My ex and I separated, and it was over a year before we were divorced. During the separation, I had my daughter, and he never said a word. After 6 months, I got in a relationship with my best friend, after 3 months, he moved to the state my ex and I lived in, and lived with my daughter (who was about 15 months old) and me for a few months. A month after my divorce was final, we got married, and my daughter can't remember a time before he and I were together. We've been married almost 5 years now. My ex had a lot of "wild side" personals on the internet after that, for men AND women... met a girl about a week after the divorce (he claims) and kept up his "swinging" side even while dating her, had her move in with him after dating about 13 months (so he had someone to watch our daughter after he kidnapped her), and lived with her unwed for a year or 2, which was over the course of our fight for custody (she was age 3 when she moved in with the 2 of them, and 5 when they got married).

The judge lectured me on my bad example for our daughter, living with a man- he insinuated there was a procession of men after my ex, which was completely untrue, I didn't even DATE anyone else until I started dating my husband.

He said nothing about my ex's shacking up with his girlfriend, in fact, applauded his morals, because my ex said even though they had been dating over a year, lived together, and slept in the same bed, they had not had sex. At some point I realized I had no chance to win my daughter... He believed every word my ex said about me... I had bad morals you know, and couldn't be believed. He even dismissed my pointing out my husbands "swinging" as heresay, even though I brought in printouts of the ads off the computer, which had pictures (old ones I wouldn't have access to) and everything.

Now I'm sure not all judges are like the one I had, but it's always good to be aware of the double standard of living together- a good lawyer could say that your daughter is being irresponsible "playing house" with her bf, and the father living with his family is "providing a support network" and spending nights at girlfriends houses is "keeping relationships away from his daughter until they are serious."

Reality is seeming more and more unfair, the older I get...
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