An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



Can Co-Parenting work?
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Custodial Mothering Today
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Becky2001
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:21 pm    Post subject: Can Co-Parenting work? Reply with quote

My husband and I separated recently. We have a two year daughter. My husband feels that everything with our daughter should be split 50-50 -- decision-making, residence, everything. I believe I should try to get sole custody or joint custody with me being the primary parent. I really don't want to pay for a court battle, financially or emotionally, but I don't think co-parenting can work. Has anyone had a positive experience with co-parenting?
Back to top
MattsMom
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Co-parenting does NOT work. By the time the child gets adjusted to the new house and rules they have to go back. It never gives the child a chance to settle into their envioronment and totally confuses them.
Back to top
kasey
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whatever you do don't give up. Once you agree to joint you'll never get sole custody. I've been fighting to get sole custody now for over 2 years. Due to bad legal advice I signed a joint agreement and now I can't break it. Co-parenting doesn't work and your child will suffer from it!
Back to top
beabee
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really have not seen it work in multiple parent arrangements. My husband and I and my son's father. Even with hard work it is such little rewards for both the child and the parents involved.

Co-parenting...no.

One of the parents have to be the Primary care giver and the other one should respect the authority of the primary care giver. If this doesn't work create a "long term" arrangement where the father will have custody and primary caregiver status at a later time (like when the child is old enough --highschool?)
Back to top
BostonDave
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If one parent should be primary then why not the father?

In the absence of that I think co-parenting works fine.

It did for me.
Back to top
Randi
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a real time co-parenting question here! My 6 year old son's father is the residential parent in a court order shared parenting. (You can view my story under father with custody under custody.) Back to my question. Over the weekend while I had my son, he became really sick. I called his doctor and he said to take my son to the hospital. I called my son's father to let him know and he said he was coming to the hospital. When he got there he also had is girlfriend of 9 months. That is find with me but once we went into the back she tried to answer all the questions asked and undermined me as my son's mother to where the nurse had to ask "Who is the mother?". I want to know if I have the right next time, if there is a next time to the ER if I have the right to have her wait in the waiting room? I would like to see a girl who take's to my son however his father has a rep for not staying with one girl longer then a year. I feel they are unstable and she should have no rights in what decision should be made. My son also asked for juice while waiting. I had told him he can not have any juice because the cafeteria was closed and then this girl said to my son "As soon as your dad comes back from the bathroom will go get you juice". What right does this girl have to do this to me? By the way they never got juice for my son. Can someone please tell me where I stand with her. The father will not say anything to her and he allows her to be like this to me. I know if they were married it would be a whole other story but they are not.
Back to top
sassy
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Randy, I feel for your difficulties.From the Er situation you described, there is a very straight solution. You are the mother and remain as such. You notify the hosp. personell that you are the mom. Ques. and ans. you will discuss with them and do not give permission to anyone else to participate. Dad can get the info and discuss himself, unless he has signed a legal power of attorney to the girlfriend. Stay calm when you confront these girlfriends. Remember not to react to the situation.
Even if your ex gets remarried, you are still the mother of your child. His remarraige does not change your maternal status.
No one can change your maternal status, the only thing even the court can do is change your legal rights etc. But you will always be your chil'd mom.
I hope this helps you.
Back to top
sassy
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Becky, coparenting does not work. I have physical but joint coustody. The child gets confused, tired, boared with the whole thing. Young childern need consistancy and familiarity. Not a good idea to agree to joint coustody. It has disadvantages also for you personally. It could work if both parents agree on things well without much conflicts. If you could agree on childraising issues, and could accomodate eachother's needs, then why even get divorced.
Back to top
dancerchicky246
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Coparenting does not work. the primary parent during the marriage should remain the primary parent after the divorce. Until most men do 50% of the childrearing 50% of the household chores and everthing else it takes to run a family .Then it will be fair to give them 50% custody!!! WE all know that this is rarly the case in a marriage
Back to top
itllneverend
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi I am new here. I have been married twice. I cant say what "works" best I am still trying to figure that out. One of my ex's I have 3 kids with and he does not bother us at all. I started with joint custody with him then obtained sole custody. Now my recent ex and I are trying joint which with him IS NOT working. He took our child and I did not see the baby for over 6 mths. Now I have him back and trying to work on visits and schedules is hard. I am willing though to try anything for my son. Good luck. Try to stay calm and do whats right for your kids....regardless of what that is. I personally WOULD NOT do shared custody. I agree with one poster here. Kids NEED a stable home, and one. Then another to visit. Everyone needs a home.
Back to top
carloyn t. stout
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I need some advice? I am a mothr of two young children, me and there father were never married and got into a fight which i put a injunction on him to stay away from me . i got an attorney who advived me to file for temporary custody of my boys so there father couldn't take them from me. so i did and a judge gave temporary custody to him since they were living in the house there father and i own together. we have a hearing on the 15th of july and everything and i don't know what to do???? does anyone have any help with my situation!!!
Back to top
Sunny
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It doesn't work, but there is no alternative.
Back to top
olestra
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to rock the boat here, but I feel another opinion might offer a different perspective.
I am divorced, and I have 4-year-old daughters. Their father and I separated when they were 2 1/2. Evere since the separation, we have been co-parenting. We have a schedule that gives the girls equal access to both of us, and we split expenses 50/50.
While I understand the notion that it is not ideal for children to go from home to home because of confusion, I also want to add that a child not seeing much of one parent can also cause confusion. I think a blanket statement like "co-parenting can NOT work" is over-simplified. It is working well for us, and our children are doing well. While they may not have the consistency of being in the same house all the time, we do talk about rules and expectations between the 2 of us, and those remain consistent at both houses.
Since they were so young when we separated, this is what they are used to. They spend time here, then time there. They never go too long without seeing either parent, and we talk with them constantly about the schedule so they will know day to day and week to week what to expect. It even seems sometimes that they like the change of scenery, since each house has a different feel for them.
I think it can work. I think both parents have to be on the same parenting page, and agree to put any bitterness aside and work together for the good of the child/children for it to be successful.
Just my 2 cents.
Back to top
dawnvolk
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes - co-parenting CAN work! I am divorced and live in MN. My ex lives in Florida and we share 2 children (11 & 13) together. I made the decision, since I have a better paying job than he and have since remarried with 2 more kids, that no court-ordered support was necessary - he paid for the attorney at my request and I waived my rights to child support. The kids tell him what they need and how much it will cost and he sends them a check. The money he sends is considered child support - not 'my support', so he never has to worry about where his money is going. WE let the kids decided where they want to spend Christmas and their summers, as long as the other parent gets an alternative holiday in there somewhere. He doesn't talk bad about me and I don't talk bad about him - whatever WE have to say to eachother, WE say it directly to the other and not the kids. We don't talk "through" the kids but rather to eachother.

My ex and I both have custody of one of our kids - but he acknowledges that my home is more structured and family oriented than his - not better, just different and what our kids need for right now. Our 13 year old he has legal custody of was living with him for the last couple of years and he recently sent her back to live with me, even though he retains custody.

If two parents, as Olestra said before, can put aside their bitterness and focus on what is actually in the better interest of the child, it can and will work! Remember, the battle is not about us but about our kids!!
Back to top
marina
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

down, i am pleased to hear that it workes in your situation and that both you and your ex are logicaly thinking adults. unfortunately, it is not so in many cases. your husband and you both need to be comanded for your efforts to make the best out of not such good situation and further more that it really works. However, in alot of situations only one parent is ok with this situation and the other is constantly trying to chenge something with endles court procedings becuse of biternes, jelocy, control or other similar reasons. if you can make it work, more power to you! for all others, if this is something you are not satisfied with, if it does not work, there is a history of phisical, mental, sexual or other obuse, you have been in and out of court; if you see this pattern with your case, dont stop! fight and get your children or they will always be "homles" to some extent and hate you for pooting them throu it and not interfearing. What will you tell your grown child when he comes to you and uskes:" where were you when i was geting raped, obused, biten? why did you not interfear? why did you not save me? i was helples!" what will you do or who will you blame if your child will end his life becouse he cant take this obuse anymore?
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Custodial Mothering Today All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login