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Granparents!!!

 
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lissa2875
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:52 pm    Post subject: Granparents!!! Reply with quote

Hello.. I am a single stay at home mom to a 4 year old daughter.. we live with my parents.. and with that it seems like they think, well she, thinks that she can control what I do.. when and how.. I can't go out without asking her first and heaven forbid that I find a babysitter other than her.. she will go pick her up and bring her home.. I am just wondering if others have been through this and how do you handle it without going crazy?? I am tired of having my mother trying to raise my child and treating me like one... yes I am not working but I am raising her and keeping the house... clothes, cooking and all of that.. but I don't do anything.. how do you handle this?? and if I say anything about going back to work and moving out she says she will fight for custody and won't let me take her.. says that I am an unfit mother.. but how is that when she raised me?? what does that say about her?? someone help please

Melissa
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sfpontius
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First find out what grand parents rights are in your state. And get out while you still can even possibly across state lines because it's harder to fight for something like grandparents rights across state lines. I've lived with similar problems. I didn't live with my mother but when I had my son and left a 7 year relationship after my ex cheated on me. I was treated like I didn't know what I was doing. I was blackmailed and manipulated. She tried to take my son from me. I moved 2000 miles the other directions and started my life over again. I don't let her involve herself in my life at all. She doesn't have a address or phone number on us and years have passed. The law in my state says that grandparents rights will only be considered if there is a substancial relationship that is significant to the child to consider. Another thing you should keep is a diary. Keep a chronological date book of all the threats. If she tells you she will take your child or anything else to keep you dependant. Date it and write it down in detail. It will only be hearsay in court but it will show a long history of behavior on her part to keep you subordinate to her will using your child against you. You can't even trust your own parents these days. Arm yours now.
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marie107
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suggest talking to a family lawyer to get the real facts in your state. I also suggest filing for child support if you are not currently doing so. That would give you a little something to hold your mom off with.

Please try to keep in mind that she is only doing what she thinks in her grandchild's best interest. And I don't know how old you are, but perhaps if you are young she does think that you are immature and need to be reminded of your responsibilities. I'm not saying I agree with her, but please try to remember she is in a tough spot trying to please you and your daughter and her husband. Running away to another state is not the solution.

I believe that your daughter will start kindergarten next year when she is 5. Why don't you talk with your mother now about working part time while she is in school and perhaps using that money to pay for day care while you take a class in the afternoon? You need to stress to your mother that if you have no way to support your child you are indeed unfit. That you need to improve your situation for your daughter.

I know how hard it is to do dishes, laundry, and watch after a young child, but try to talk with your Mom about your concerns without yelling or finger pointing. If she thinks you are spending your time wisely and working for a better future for you and your child, I think she will be much less likely to threaten you. Life will not always be like this, so keep strong! Good luck. Find your calling and go after it.
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supmts



Joined: 17 May 2007
Posts: 2
State or Province: Minnesota

PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 12:06 pm    Post subject: granmother Reply with quote

My daughter lives at home with her 2 babies while she contiues her education. There are alot of times when its hard for us parents(gparents) to step back you are our kids and we just want to help and do right by the grandkids. There are books that deal with these issues and there might even be a support groups in your area for both you and your mom dealing with this.

You do need to deal with it the problem will not go away on its own but do it softly there are lots of benefits all the way around if you can work through this. I can tell you I have a very special bond with my grandkids that might not have happened if they lived elsewhere and my daughter and I are closer then we ever were when she was a teenager. We still have our moments but I wouldn't trade any of this for anything. I feel like one of the luckest people in the world a little wore out but sooo lucky.
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Mickeymouse5472



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 24
State or Province: Utah

PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 2:48 pm    Post subject: Grandparents Reply with quote

I have a similar situation, but I live with my Grandmother. I moved in with her about 3 yrs ago to take care of her after she had a stoke that she wasnt suposed to survive. After taking care of her for about a year, my mother was in another state and was dianosed with cancer so we went to there to care for her. After my mother died I stayed in the state to take care of business, but sent Gram home. It took about 10 months for everything. In the mean time I became pregnant, when I moved back I had planned to move in with my BF, but my grandmother insisted that she still needed my help, even though she had been living alone for about 9 mo. She said that she would help me out, by watching the baby for me while I worked and that she wouldnt charge me anything that way I could save my money up. (I would still have almost the same benifts living with my bf, other then a longer distance to work)
I felt guilty leaving her alone, so I moved back in with her.
Well, over a year later, my son just turned one, and my Gandmother has driven me insane! We just had a huge fight yesterday, and as a result my son and I are at Bf's house. She is not as bad as your mother, probably because I would never her to allow her to do some of the things that your mother does, that and she is in her 70's so there is no way that she could raise a child at her age.
But, she does still does get in my way alot when it comes to parenting my son. She always calls my son her baby. This really bothers me more in the beginning then now. When ever I get back from a trip with my BF then the first thing she says is where is my baby. When I get home from work then she tells me what "her baby" has done that day. When my bf and I tell her stuff she can/cann't feed or do with the baby she turns and does it any way. Saying that she did the same thing with her babies. I have moved out with my son several times, and then she guilts me back into going back to care for her. So mostly its my fault I am in this situation. Although I dont have the same exact problems as you, I do know how fusterated you can get. My BF thinks that I am nuts , going back and forth and says just stay with him. Now my son is attached to my grandma now, so it would be hard for me to seperate them. We are trying to figure something out that works for us all.

As far as your mother saying that she will get custody of your daughter, dont listen to her threats she cant get custody of her unless she can prove that you are an unfit mother, and it would take alot more then you living with her and not working. She might be able to get 50/50 in a rare case, and might be able to request visitation. Which is more likely, but since you live with her that would be poinless. I would get all your ducks in a row, and work on getting your own apt. You could go to DSS and apply for houseing, food stamps, Wic, and daycare. Then get a part time job close. Then adventually move out on your own. If you need legal help there are many that dont charge or charge very little for thier services, there are also legal help message bords that can give you better advice than I could. Or like the previous poster says find a support group near you for your situation.
http://community.lawyers.com/messageboards/board.asp?channelId=2&subId=&mId=851199&mbId=6&threadId=12159
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sugamomma



Joined: 09 Jun 2007
Posts: 2
State or Province: Nebraska

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I certainly understand your frustration with grandparents and if it were my parents It might be understandable, but My x's mom is using my daughter to contro almost every area of my life. My daughter is her favorite grandchild and she uses her sons rights to gain her power and put her self on my level as my daughters mother. I am not unlearned as a mother, yes I have made some mistakes, but I have quickly learned from them and I am a wonderful mother to all of my kids. Yet this lady wont quit. Her son never spends time with my daughter, but always drops her off at her grandmothes, where she has a room and everything. For a temporary time he had guardianship over her , but I instituted it in my brothers name and later my daughters father took it over, but gave it back when I was home. He doesn't want to have full responsibility of my daughter like that but his mother does and everytime she thinks of something I am subject to her abuse. Why?
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TAMEE



Joined: 28 Jun 2007
Posts: 10
State or Province: West Virginia

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a similar, but different situation. When I was 20 I had a child and lived w/ the father. He was a bad person and my parents wanted me to move home, which I did. My mother has been my strength and honestly would not know what to do w/o her. I worked alot and couldn't have seen anyone else watch my daughter other than my mom. I was the parent and my mom helped me learn to parent her. Now, 11 years later I have a 4 1/2 month old and I still live w/ my parents. My 11 is a grammy's girl and if I mention moving she gets mad at me. My mom didn't take her over or control my parenting she just helped me. I use to get upset because at times I was jealous of my oldest love for her and felt she loved her more than me. In the last couple of years I realized that it not so. My mom has never tried to take her over or claim her as her child. She like I said is my strength and has taught me how to be a good mother though I feel I'm dependant on them and am scared what my future holds when I'm forced to live w/o them. I have realized it was the fact that I was working alot and didn't get to spend as much as time w/ my oldest because now w/ the baby my Mom works alot and my baby is closer to me. I work, but try to limit my working so I don't neglect this child of having her mom. It's hard being a single mom and I have to remember though you need money to raise children they need you more.
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