An Online Monthly Magazine for Mothers
Serving Single Mothers, Single Mothers by Choice, Single and Married Custodial Moms, Non-Custodial Moms
Home        MESSAGE BOARDS

SearchMothers.com Forum Index
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 



Am I a bad person???

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Custodial Mothering Today
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
DanielleJacob
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:25 pm    Post subject: Am I a bad person??? Reply with quote

I'm 19 and I have a almost 3 month baby boy.. His father and I are not together, never were married but were engaged.. Now he is not on the birth certificate because he was out of town when I had Jacob, he has still not even tried to get on the birth certificate.. He does pay child support but when it's time to see his son it's is time or no time.. I have told him to pick two days out of the week to see Jacob and he would also have everyother sat. But he told me he couldn't do that. I really don't want his money, I want him to be here for his son.. But on the other hand he makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don't want him to touch my son.. He does nothing else to help, he is very irresponsible, I can't trust him alone with jacob.. What should I do?? Can someone help?? Am I being selfish,overprotective, or just plain ol' mean?? Am I a bad person??
Back to top
mommy2fourkids
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No you're not a bad person. You are just trying to look after the welfare of your baby. That is a mother's job for the rest of your life.
Back to top
midnite
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

please do not feel as if you are a bad person!!! i grew up w/out my bilg. father so it has always been very important to me that my daughter have a realationship with her dead beat father. howevr he after 2 years!! called mr last night and wants to see her...so your fears are heard and understood!! if you need someone to talk to my email is midnite_22@msn.com GOOD LUCK
Back to top
CindyK
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, you're not a bad person. But please don't turn down the money. Whether or not your son's father wants to see Jacob, he's still obligated to pay support. And believe me, he's 3 months old now? It's going to cost more money as he grows. Clothes cost more, food gets consumed more so costs more, then there'll probably be extra cirricular activities, that costs money too? What makes you uncomfortable about Jacob being alone with his father? Is it just that he's irresponsible or you had mentioned you don't want him touching your son, is there something else you're concerned about? You're not a bad person. You are just thinking about you child, which is natural. BUT PLEASE.....DON'T TURN DOWN THE MONEY!!!! You're gonna need it. And even if you don't, you could put the money in a trust fund or savings account or better yet, a college fund. But take the money. Good luck.
Back to top
mrhappy
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Child support and child custody are two seperate issues in most states. For example a father can be owe back support but still be entitled to physical custody. In fact in most custody hearings child support is not an issue.

Custody is usually broken into two parts, physicial custody and legal custody. Physical being the time arranged by a court order for the father to see the child. Legal custody is the father's right to participate in school activities and be informed and participate in the child's medical conditions and so forth.

The father of your child must be a man of honor and show an active FREQUENT participation in the child. If he is unwilling to do so that is his problem and not yours. Father's that show up on Christmas to help their own guilt are the worst and make me ashamed of my gender.

Seek the child support you will need it.

Being a bad person would be if you were not willing to allow the child to see the father because you are angry with the father. If you have valid reasons for not wishing to have the child have contact with the father, that may be something you wish to bring out in a court order.
To do that will take at least a licensed social worker or another expert with credentials and a written letter shown when the custody hearing commences. You word and emotions are not enough in a court of law, always have documentation.

Good luck and fight the good fight.

Oh yeah, you are not a bad person.
Back to top
Brandon
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No not at all danielle. He should pay his child support according to whats required. Please do not give in on this, if you want any advise I would be glad to help you. Alot of young moms dont get the child support they deserve. Make sure its garnished right out of his paycheck.
Back to top
Khrys
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You most certainly are not a bad person. You might be a little over protective, but that is a mother's right and privledge, after all. Tell him that if he wants to see his son, he needs to pick a day, or he won't see him at all.

If he's paying child support, that doesn't mean he has a legal right to see the child, and it's better for a child to have some sort of structure than a dad who occasionally shows up or calls, then disappears for months on end.

Trust your instincts. If he makes you uncomfortable, there could be a very good reason for it.

Most importantly, while money isn't the most important thing, taking care of a child is not cheap. Keep the money, because you're going to need it.
Back to top
being
Guest





PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Definatley you are not bad, And I agree with others, take th echild support,and let your chld always know that the father always did that. It is better than many kids ever get from a father, and in time, you know, he may just come around, if not, consider it maybe the best way. My father left when I was less than 2. He never sent any money, i never met him until my mother died at age 47. Maybe he wasn't a bad person, but he hurt my brother nad I leaving us, tho I never remembered, but inside somewhere i do, and there has always been this pain of something missing. He and I (father ) never came to any reconciliation, he tried to push himself on me as a Daddy after 23 years of nothing.
You just make sure you are always physically there for your child, and protect this baby, always. Be careful who you let into your life, near your child, Regardless of how oyu feel about yourself, pick the best very best man you can find to be parent. Only the best!
Back to top
phxmom



Joined: 13 Jun 2007
Posts: 1
State or Province: Hawaii

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

don't turn the money down!!! the money is for the baby, put it in a saving account or open a 529 college plan for him or purchase a life insurance policy for yourself, protect your baby financially. i was in a similar situation as you. i, too didn't want my ex to touch the baby. we have not gone to court but i let him see the baby whenever he likes as long as i'm there, so i know what you mean about not trusting your ex with your baby.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
mom23kidz1



Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 10
State or Province: Mississippi

PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

later on when you have moved on with your life he will tear it apart separate your self from him NOW change phone numbers the whole bit ........ If you dont have the money later to fight him he could possibly take your child. and not only that change your childs last name among many many other things. If he truly truly wants to be apart of that childs life he will contact you.... make him show you he wants to! and oh boy your are gonna have fun with the new girlfriend when that comes up! basically your sit was just like mine!
Hailey is 5 and we have just been through a HORRIFIC ordeal with the courts and she is hurt confused and etc... best thing is just to leave that BC BLANK and when you find the man you really want to be with you will not have such a problem of keeping X scum out of your lives.
A
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
hpulling1982



Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 8
State or Province: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 4:47 pm    Post subject: You are not a bad person! Reply with quote

You are definately not a bad person. You sound like a young mom who is protecting her child! Do you have a custody order? I told my son's father, it is not my job to track you down to see you kid. I have enough responsibilities. Take the child support!! Kids are expensive and most dead beat dads don't have a clue what it really costs to raise a kid. I lost a great job because my 15 month old had bronchitis and my sitter bailed on me! Now I survive on welfare and his measley $60/week which he complains about paying! So, no you are not a bad person. Do not feel bad for accepting his child support. And protect that baby! Follow your heart and maternal instincts, they will always lead you in the right direction.

Good luck!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
linhely



Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Posts: 4
State or Province: Florida

PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 3:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You most certainly are not a bad person. You might be a little over protective, but that is a mother's right and privledge, after all. Tell him that if he wants to see his son, he needs to pick a day, or he won't see him at all.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
arlenegrayson



Joined: 18 Dec 2011
Posts: 4
State or Province: Iowa

PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Am I a bad person??? Reply with quote

DanielleJacob wrote:
I'm 19 and I have a almost 3 month baby boy.. His father and I are not together, never were married but were engaged.. Now he is not on the birth certificate because he was out of town when I had Jacob, he has still not even tried to get on the birth certificate.. He does pay child support but when it's time to see his son it's is time or no time.. I have told him to pick two days out of the week to see Jacob and he would also have everyother sat. But he told me he couldn't do that. I really don't want his money, I want him to be here for his son.. But on the other hand he makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don't want him to touch my son.. He does nothing else to help, he is very irresponsible, I can't trust him alone with jacob.. What should I do?? Can someone help?? Am I being selfish,overprotective, or just plain ol' mean?? Am I a bad person??


Your story reminds me of a similar situation when I worked in a pediatrician's office. The dad paid support, but basically hung around the house, watching tv, during his visitation. He never held the baby, never talked to her, or even acknowledged her presence. But when she started walking, and babbling to communicate, he blossomed into a father. Be glad he's paying support, and keep an open mind. One day, he may just turn into the dad your son needs him to be!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    SearchMothers.com Forum Index -> Custodial Mothering Today All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 


Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
©Copyright 1998 to 2016 SearchMothers.com  |   Legal  |   About Us  |   Contact Us  |   Become a Member: Join Now or Login